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moniegray
02-15-2009, 11:05 AM
I am so sorry for all the people on this website who lost a family memeber to a "Serial Killer" or even to anyone who had taken a life with no regard to their familes. I can relate to all of you, being my father was a "Serial Killer," For me it was a life time sentence in itself for me having a father who was a brutal "Serial Killer." I also witness my father murder someone right in front of me as a young child. You can imagine how horrific that was for me.

I have searched the web to find other siblings, however I have not found one as of yet who fall in the same boat as me. This was as close as I could get to the topic, or anyone being able to relate to me in general. So many are fasinated with "Serial Killers." They turn on the T.V watching these morbid minds forgetting the victims families and siblings altogether. Eventaully turning off the T.V with no regard to the ones left behind having to deal with the "Aftermath." It is just devasting! As for myself there is no turning off the switch. I wanted to take the time out to console those who have to live with it for the rest of their lives with the nightmare that is never ending. In additon to this I know what it feels like to feel seperated from others. You feel as though no one can relate to you.

For many years introuductions began with new faces in my life. The topic of "Where is your father" always came up. Changing the subject just prolong the question from re-surfacing it self. I always kept it simple by stating my father was a convicted murderer serving a life sentence. However I never went into detials. As you must know after my statement I did not have many friends thereafter. In fact the only friend I had I waited until twenty- years after the fact to tell her the truth about my father. Of course she was stuned, however after a twenty-year friendship it did not make much of a difference.

I am a published author who is currently working on my life story. The name of my book is. "A Daughter's Broken Memory. Living In The Realm Of A Serical Killer". I felt it would be a healing process for me to finally be able to talk about this heartless peson (My Father.) After twenty-three years I went to see my father in prison. You know I was shocked. All the years I mentioned the fact that my father was a murderer. It never hit me until I was finally face-to-face with him. I was so horrified and the flash backs that came back to me left me struggling with nightmares for month's after. My husband told me never to go back their. I had to find closure and that was why I went. This was a mistake, I could only look him in his eyes once before panic began to surface. I remember having panic attacks for six hours after that. Further more I felt terror run from the top of my head to the ends of my toes. Waking up in the middle of the night screaming for months thereafter. I expose this just so you may know I can relate to what it is like to loose a loved one to murder.

I hope that this may help some of you to know you are not alone. I too share some what of the same life as you do. We are not forgotten, and the memories never wash away. We stand strong, embrace it, confront it, and over come it.

Kind Regards
Author
Monica Gray

Pauli
02-15-2009, 11:27 AM
Welcome to the board monie.. I'm glad you shared your story with us. All too often we forget that a murder's family are also victims.

TigressPen
02-15-2009, 01:51 PM
Bless you Monica for having strength and courage to speak out about families of the killers.

My prayers go out for you and your loved ones that you may heal and find inner peace. What your father did wasn't your fault. That was no one but his and shouldn't reflect on who you are as a person.

My DH's ex SIL had two children, one a daughter, by DH's brother, and one by her second husband. The son (by 2nd husband is in prison for murder) Yes, I believe he was guilty. But that doesn't take away from my love for her (his mother, a lady I've known since she was 14 years old) nor his sister. They always were and always will be a part of my family. What her son did isn't her fault nor that of his sister. Both are good people. As are his mother's siblings. He chose his path and it wasn't one his mother or his father would've chosen for him.

grammybears
02-16-2009, 05:01 AM
Welcome Monica,

Families of the perp are just as forgotten as the victims family. It is something that is hard to work through. Just know that your father is to blame for what he has done. My oldest daughter was killed by her husband around 6 years ago. It was so hard to deal with. But I eventually worked through it. I pray that all victims families and perps families find the peace they need and hope they all can go on with their lives after such horrible actions.
Good luck on your book and hope to hear more thoughts from you.

foxfarmboxers
02-17-2009, 10:12 AM
Welcome Monica, and thank you for having the courage and the strength to speak out, and share your story.