Autism

[Claudia]

Anyone else out there dealing with Autism in their life?

I have a severely autistic nephew, and would love someone to talk to! I need some advice on interacting with him, gifts for him, etc. I'd also like to get some other people's views on the cause & treatment options. I'm all about learning new things & hearing others' opinions!

Last summer, my brother started bringing his son down here to the beach near my house pretty much every weekend. We spent a lot of time around each other, but we had very little interaction. He avoids it with anyone other than my brother & his wife. I try to play with him and talk to him, but most of the time I just end up making him angry! Advice?

[DownRiver65]

That's a tough one to answer without more info as there are so many differing factors and each autistic child is different. Since we've dialed back our law practice to a level where we only get involved in cases that interest us, my wife has been working with autistic children for the last 5 years or so. It just blows me away how she can get them to communicate and react. A few little tricks I've learned watching her do her magic is first, don't always directly communicate with the child until you have a bit of a bond built. She does this by sitting and doing things that will interest the child and waits for him to come to her. She had a group of 3 kids who flat out would not speak and had aggressive tendencies. She got a bunch of art supplies out and started making things. One by one they came to her and watched. She'd look at them and say "you can do this too, but you have to ask me by name". One by one they said "Mrs. River can I make something"? That was the first step. Now, a couple of months later she has them communicating with each other as well as with some of the mainstream children. It just blows me away how natural she does this and how well these kids adapt and progress.

You also have to remember that autistic kids come in every flavor from flat out brilliant to below average and it's tougher to really evaluate exactly what their level is until you can get them at least verbalizing a bit.

With your nephew, at least you are getting a reaction. Maybe talking to him after you make him angry and asking what you did will start to open the door. Tell him you're sorry you made him angry and just want to know what it was so you don't do it again because you really love him and it hurts you when you upset him. Once the door opens a crack, just take baby steps, don't rush and keep reinforcing the positives over and over until they become an unconditioned reflex in the child. BTW, this is actually my wife speaking as she was reading over my shoulder and telling me what to type. Good luck and don't worry. Once you start making a little progress it becomes a lot of fun for both of you and that bond will grow.

[Claudia]

That's a tough one to answer without more info as there are so many differing factors and each autistic child is different. Since we've dialed back our law practice to a level where we only get involved in cases that interest us, my wife has been working with autistic children for the last 5 years or so. It just blows me away how she can get them to communicate and react. A few little tricks I've learned watching her do her magic is first, don't always directly communicate with the child until you have a bit of a bond built. She does this by sitting and doing things that will interest the child and waits for him to come to her. She had a group of 3 kids who flat out would not speak and had aggressive tendencies. She got a bunch of art supplies out and started making things. One by one they came to her and watched. She'd look at them and say "you can do this too, but you have to ask me by name". One by one they said "Mrs. River can I make something"? That was the first step. Now, a couple of months later she has them communicating with each other as well as with some of the mainstream children. It just blows me away how natural she does this and how well these kids adapt and progress.

You also have to remember that autistic kids come in every flavor from flat out brilliant to below average and it's tougher to really evaluate exactly what their level is until you can get them at least verbalizing a bit.

With your nephew, at least you are getting a reaction. Maybe talking to him after you make him angry and asking what you did will start to open the door. Tell him you're sorry you made him angry and just want to know what it was so you don't do it again because you really love him and it hurts you when you upset him. Once the door opens a crack, just take baby steps, don't rush and keep reinforcing the positives over and over until they become an unconditioned reflex in the child. BTW, this is actually my wife speaking as she was reading over my shoulder and telling me what to type. Good luck and don't worry. Once you start making a little progress it becomes a lot of fun for both of you and that bond will grow.

Thank you for such a great response! The thing about my nephew that makes it so much harder is that he is completely non-verbal. He is 8 and has never spoken a word. If I ask for a kiss, he will come over and lean his head into me for me to kiss him. He will sometimes allow me to hug him, too. I just don't know what kinds of things to do with him to make him respond to me. My brother is so fantastic with him, but I sure can't do the stuff he does with him! Their favorite thing is for my brother to spin/throw my nephew onto a bed or sofa. And I mean THROW! I swear they're both nuts. They love it. I couldn't pick him up & throw him even an inch! He's a big boy!

Sounds like your wife is doing a great thing, and seems she is excellent at it, too! So nice to hear about people that will give their time to help. It's rare these days.

[DownRiver65]

That is a tough one Claudia. Just keep at it as it's really tough. You don't have to be able to throw him, just the fact that he will give you a kiss or come to you means he cares and he's communicating in his own way.

My wife is working with a child very similar to your nephew that she's had since September. He's also 8 and had never said a word to anyone and now 4 months later you cannot shut this kid up. He's a riot. He has gone from a future in a group home to the point he'll probably now be able to go to college and live a functional life. Between my wife and his one on one therapist that stays with him the entire school day, somehow they found the key to unlock everything. He calls them by name and when his Dad (single parent doing an outrageously good job after mom bailed due to the childs autism) Comes to get him he tells him what he did today and asks to go to Burger King, McD's or the mall. The child is a riot as his voice is a bit high pitched and squeaky from not using his vocal cords and he says some of the funniest stuff now. He is slowly joining in with the other kids playing games and rough housing so this progress has been stunning. I'm telling you this because he was exactly like your nephew 4 months ago so there's a ton of hope and a lot of us out there doing things with these kids. Just keep the faith and keep communicating, you'll get your miracle too!! This little guy is really warming up to me because he loves basketball and even at my advanced age I can still dunk a basketball and do a few tricks so, as soon as I show up, him and I are in the gym. He looks at me and says "stuff it", which is my cue to do my thing. After every one, I make him tell me something new and also get a chance for this old guy to get a breather. We're taking him and dad to a playoff game in the big arena Monday, so he is really pumped.

I do some similar stuff with aging and mentally retarded adults and children as well, and the rewards are just unbelievable. I'm just thrilled we found this 5 years ago and if I could do it all over again I'd give up all those big bucks we made and do it for my entire life.