I need help... with anger

[gibbrishclown]

I realize this could be opening myself up for a great deal of bashing, but I'm hoping that won't be the case.

I'm currently experiencing a great deal of change and having to acclimate to a whole new life. Some of you may remember that I recently left NC, my job, my house (with a huge yard), my close proximity to my family, my friends... most things familiar... and I did that to move to Delaware, where I'd never even visited before I knew I was moving, with my boyfriend. He's wonderful, and I'm obviously convinced he is supposed to be my mate, but he's the only person I really know here. I'm not even looking for work right now because we're currently working towards my opening something of my own this spring. I'm having to get used to being around the house all the time, working with his troubled puppy, having a room mate, living with my man, and having his friends in all the time... basically I'm having trouble finding my place in what is currently his world. I know that things will take off for me very soon, but in the mean time, it's hard not to let the frustration accumulate.

I have a few 'triggers' right now that send me into a kind of rage. I'm not violent, but my feelings surely are occasionally overwhelming... like I'm bubbling over with my inescapeable fury, and I want to find ways to settle myself before I get to seeing red.

It's funny, but I can remember my mother getting bummed out at little stuff when my sister and I were little... especially in the kitchen... and wondering if she was just looking for stuff to get mad at... I often thought if it bothered her so much to see my dishes in the sink or my half drank soda cans, she should leave them and let me deal with them on my time... well now those little things piss me off and thankfully there's nobody here to hear me go off about them, because I know how stupid it sounds... and BTW that knowledge just makes me angrier... angry with me, but it's still adding anger to anger and it's useless, but that doesn't make it stop. I just do the work... cussing and complaining loudly the whole time and when it's done I am over it. :girl_haha: btw mama never got like I do. She'd get frustrated, but she could take a deep breath and remain civil. I now understand that she couldn't just leave the mess because she had to stare at it all day and when people come in they're judging her on it, not the rest of us... I have nothing else to do all day, my place should look half decent when the guys get home.

It's surely counterproductive in dealing iwth his dog, because as we all know dogs take cues from our energy and we can't fake it. She is definitely one of my triggers. Try as I might, I haven't found a way to stay calm when she acts out. I know a lot of my frustration is at my bf because it is his dog, why is she now my problem?? He tells me after fights and so on that he'll do more for her, but he has a full time job and I'm here all the time... plus... :rolleye0001: ... I'm the dog trainer. Even though my certification is to teach them obedience... I'm no Cesar!! I want to be, but my energy and temper prohibits that so far. I don't have a yard here to run her in, so I have to take her out into the streets and parks. She's 65 pounds of leashed dog aggressive psycho sometimes, and it is scary to me and also humiliating. I KNOW I HAVE TO GET OVER THIS though in order to help her get over her issues. I do justify my fear, I'm 5'2 and not as strong as this beast. I read recently that dogs are 3 to one as strong as man... meaning a 60 pound dog is as strong as the average 180 pound man... well I'm not 180 pounds nor am I a man, and I am scared when she displays this ugly side of her. Course this thread isn't about justifying, it's about trying to step back and calm down before I get 'red zone' LOL. She definitely feels it though, even when I try to remain calm on the outside, she often wets herself when I reach for her collar when she's running from me disobeying her command to go to her kennel. When I'm not upset, she goes without any need for me to go to her and assist, but when I'm frustrated, she runs from me, and when I catch her, she pisses all over the place... which needless to say, escalates my frustration in a big way. I can't help her till I straighten me out!!

I could have put this in the animal section, but this issue is greater than just with the dog... perhaps its most detrimental with the dog, but I'm under the impression that the general issue with my temper has nothing to do with the dog, that anger management suggestions would work across the board for all triggers. I was reading here this mornign about the grandmother that beat her grandson into unconsciousness in public... like I said, I'm not violent, and I don't beat my pets or anything like that, but I need to get my anger in check, and that story prompted me to seek suggestions...tia

[Roenick]

Hey Gibby....

As for the dog issue, I feel for you. I know you are a good trainer and animal mommy. My dog is stronger than I am and has anxiety from being abused. When she gets in trouble she will pee which makes it worse on my all ready short patients.
I also have major hormonal mood swings. Any little thing can set me off. Even things that would normal slide by me, will set me off if I'm in one of my rages.
I use to scream and yell - even to an empty room if I had too. The cat would just look at me, but now with an already emotional dog I can't do that as much - specially if she's in the house.

You are going through some major changes and stress even if you can't feel it on a regular daily basis. I would suggest trying to walk away from the situation when you start to feel it coming. I usually know has I get tense and tight and then shaky.
Go burn off some energy by running around the block. That's not always easy so pick a workout that you could even do in a quiet room. Sit ups or push ups can work for me. A punching bag also works because it's physical and you can take it all out without hurting anyone. I know you said you weren't violent but it's the act of let it out that will help.

You may want to go for a physical as well and have your doctor check hormone levels. Mine changed around 21.
You have a lot of changes going on - take time for yourself. Track your mood swings and anger for a month. Write down how you felt before, during and after. Track what your body felt like (like I said I get tense and shaky).

[african grey]

I realize this could be opening myself up for a great deal of bashing, but I'm hoping that won't be the case.

I'm currently experiencing a great deal of change and having to acclimate to a whole new life. Some of you may remember that I recently left NC, my job, my house (with a huge yard), my close proximity to my family, my friends... most things familiar... and I did that to move to Delaware, where I'd never even visited before I knew I was moving, with my boyfriend. He's wonderful, and I'm obviously convinced he is supposed to be my mate, but he's the only person I really know here. I'm not even looking for work right now because we're currently working towards my opening something of my own this spring. I'm having to get used to being around the house all the time, working with his troubled puppy, having a room mate, living with my man, and having his friends in all the time... basically I'm having trouble finding my place in what is currently his world. I know that things will take off for me very soon, but in the mean time, it's hard not to let the frustration accumulate.

I have a few 'triggers' right now that send me into a kind of rage. I'm not violent, but my feelings surely are occasionally overwhelming... like I'm bubbling over with my inescapeable fury, and I want to find ways to settle myself before I get to seeing red.

It's funny, but I can remember my mother getting bummed out at little stuff when my sister and I were little... especially in the kitchen... and wondering if she was just looking for stuff to get mad at... I often thought if it bothered her so much to see my dishes in the sink or my half drank soda cans, she should leave them and let me deal with them on my time... well now those little things piss me off and thankfully there's nobody here to hear me go off about them, because I know how stupid it sounds... and BTW that knowledge just makes me angrier... angry with me, but it's still adding anger to anger and it's useless, but that doesn't make it stop. I just do the work... cussing and complaining loudly the whole time and when it's done I am over it. :girl_haha: btw mama never got like I do. She'd get frustrated, but she could take a deep breath and remain civil. I now understand that she couldn't just leave the mess because she had to stare at it all day and when people come in they're judging her on it, not the rest of us... I have nothing else to do all day, my place should look half decent when the guys get home.

It's surely counterproductive in dealing iwth his dog, because as we all know dogs take cues from our energy and we can't fake it. She is definitely one of my triggers. Try as I might, I haven't found a way to stay calm when she acts out. I know a lot of my frustration is at my bf because it is his dog, why is she now my problem?? He tells me after fights and so on that he'll do more for her, but he has a full time job and I'm here all the time... plus... :rolleye0001: ... I'm the dog trainer. Even though my certification is to teach them obedience... I'm no Cesar!! I want to be, but my energy and temper prohibits that so far. I don't have a yard here to run her in, so I have to take her out into the streets and parks. She's 65 pounds of leashed dog aggressive psycho sometimes, and it is scary to me and also humiliating. I KNOW I HAVE TO GET OVER THIS though in order to help her get over her issues. I do justify my fear, I'm 5'2 and not as strong as this beast. I read recently that dogs are 3 to one as strong as man... meaning a 60 pound dog is as strong as the average 180 pound man... well I'm not 180 pounds nor am I a man, and I am scared when she displays this ugly side of her. Course this thread isn't about justifying, it's about trying to step back and calm down before I get 'red zone' LOL. She definitely feels it though, even when I try to remain calm on the outside, she often wets herself when I reach for her collar when she's running from me disobeying her command to go to her kennel. When I'm not upset, she goes without any need for me to go to her and assist, but when I'm frustrated, she runs from me, and when I catch her, she pisses all over the place... which needless to say, escalates my frustration in a big way. I can't help her till I straighten me out!!

I could have put this in the animal section, but this issue is greater than just with the dog... perhaps its most detrimental with the dog, but I'm under the impression that the general issue with my temper has nothing to do with the dog, that anger management suggestions would work across the board for all triggers. I was reading here this mornign about the grandmother that beat her grandson into unconsciousness in public... like I said, I'm not violent, and I don't beat my pets or anything like that, but I need to get my anger in check, and that story prompted me to seek suggestions...tia

I don't know if I can help or not but I think maybe looking into some kind of counseling group or a church to start making friends. The dog is scared of you and may turn on you if you don't get it away. I know this may not be much help but if the dog is scared it can turn on you and you don't want that.

Good Luck
AG
:1222423:

[Sumanadevii]

I think the fact that you are aware of your anger and tone of your voice is going to be your changing point. I see it as a very good thing. Sometimes when we come from a place that taught us how to handle stress with yelling and screaming, we just repeat the history without thought. I think you are on your way to recovery!

[gibbrishclown]

I definitely have issues with hormones a few days out of the month... I take a medium dose bc, because the high dose gave me WICKED PMS- like the kind of frustration I'm posting about now, inescapeable but not triggered by ANYTHING- before this whole move, and I was then switched to the low low dose ones, but had breakthrough bleeding, and was concerned that I was going to get pregnant. I had to switch to the right med and get a year long prescription because I gave up my insurance to move here, and haven't set anything up here yet... so I'll have to wait to have my hormone levels checked.

I'll track my mood... that's really not a bad idea at all. If nothing it'll help me isolate the issues.

i have a punching bag. I lost the chains, but I'll get new ones and get that up. I definitely need that kind of outlet.

As far as running around the block, I would have to take the dogs or mary's glock... I'm not in a neighborhood that I'm comfortable going out alone in. That just adds to my frustration too, because I don't ahve anywhere to go to get away from my frustrations here. I'm a few blocks away from the ghetto and as I've mentioned I'm not real big or strong... the guys occasionally make comments that reinforce my desire to stay home too... comments about what can happen to pretty white girls in the ghetto and about why people haven't messed with me yet... (either they think I have a gun or they see the dogs... yikes, right?)

I do understand on paper whta I have to do for Bella, but changing the human is ALWAYS the hardest part!! I dont' want her to be scared of me, and I don't wnat to get more angry when she submission/fear pees because I do know better. I can hear me counseling someone else about how to do this, but it is SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!! I've spent a good bit of money and energy trying to come up with alternative methods to exercise her and to help get her attention when she's fixated on destroying another dog on our walks. We just bought her a 2" martingale collar because I was afraid the prong was just reinforcing her frustration with pain at the sight of other dogs and I could see where she was hurting herself on it. It seems to be working, but it still hurts my hands when she pulls, and that angers me :D I concede taht she frustrates me more and faster than the others, I've apparently conditioned myself to react negatively to her, and I need to recondition myself to treat her as the patient/ client she is, rather than the PITA she is :girl_haha:

Thank you Roe. :)

[gibbrishclown]

I don't know if I can help or not but I think maybe looking into some kind of counseling group or a church to start making friends. The dog is scared of you and may turn on you if you don't get it away. I know this may not be much help but if the dog is scared it can turn on you and you don't want that.

Good Luck
AG
:1222423:

you're definitely right. She's growled at me twice now when I've gone to move her. I really jumped my bf about it too, because I told him he'd have to personally stitch my face back on since I have no health coverage right now. That's part of my fear that's so counterproductive. Each time she's growled though, I've just continued to move forward and move her. I can't let that work for her... I do realize that I probably caused the growling though with my frustration as I'm moving towards her. I don't have to move fast and angrily for her to understand I'm mad, in fact both times I did try to keep as calm on the outside as I could, but that's futile, they can hear your heart beating, they KNOW. That's the best and the worst part of dogs, they're tuned into you... you can't hide anything from them.

I think the fact that you are aware of your anger and tone of your voice is going to be your changing point. I see it as a very good thing. Sometimes when we come from a place that taught us how to handle stress with yelling and screaming, we just repeat the history without thought. I think you are on your way to recovery!

I was not raised around this sort of outburst. It was not allowed at my house either. I just let my self control go since leaving home I think... and I need to get it back. I also think being aware of this is half the problem, and I look forward to getting my head out of my arse :girl_haha:

[Roenick]

If they have a planned parenthood near you go there. The cost is contingent of how much you make.
I'm now off of BC because they aren't good long term and I have other health issues that I have to watch for. But they really did help me those first few years.


I came from a very calm home life. I have no idea were my anger comes from... my mom never yelled or screamed. She is the saint of patience, I swear.
My dad would get mad but never even to the levels that I do.

Until I started tracking myself and realizing when a mood swing was coming, I felt like a freak. I would then get depressed because I felt that I was wrong for going into these massive rages. I hate yelling and screaming but it releases my tension the best - then I go work out, even for 5 minutes.

I'm sure some of yours is also the environment... you are use to a backyard and space as well as security. Which you are then (maybe) feeling bad for the pets, as you know they need running room, which makes you stressed at them.

[Roamer]

Sometimes, just talking about it (or in this case, writing about it), can help us see things that were right there all the time, gibby, and input from others that you aren't really close to IRL can be really good, too.

You will get through this, and I'll bet you and b/f's dog end up the very best of friends, once you get through this initial phase of testing each other out.

[windovervocalcords]

I think it is great that you are aware of your anger and that you recognize that anger is an inside job.

You are way ahead of the game by your awareness and your willingness to do whatever it takes to get your anger under control and not cause harm.

I offer my experience as a human being with a temper problem, as a counselor who has led workshops on anger management, and had a private counseling practice for many years. I am as a Buddhist practitioner who employs meditation techniques as well. I admit that I have a problem with anger. So when I speak about the topic I speak from mostly my experience in wrestling with the problem from the inside out.

We are all "works in progress". We are all in the same boat. We human beings have a mix of qualities. I salute you in your path of coming to peace.

There are many methods for working with anger. Some are psychological, and employ cognitive approaches, others work on the 'trance' that happens in anger, EFT and EMDS techniques come to mind. Meditation offers many methods.

Loving kindness meditation and contemplation techniques help too.

[Kami]

It's all the changes you are going through Gibs, take one day at a time and it will get better. Alot of adjusting for you and bf's puppy! Depending on how long he has had him/her, could be the reason for their reaction towards you.

[DDawg]

Gibby, I think your feelings are totally natural given all the changes you are going through, the new environment, new living situation, etc. It's completely normal to have issues around cleanliness or lack thereof with your BF and roomie. This is just part of adjusting to living with new people. I would strongly suggest you avoid falling into the role of picking up after them. Just because you aren't working yet doesn't mean you're their maid. I think sitting down and talking about what everybody thinks are appropriate levels of cleanliness, whose tasks are whose, etc. would be a very good thing to do. Otherwise, resentments will build, and they'll be expecting you to continue picking up after them even after you get a job.

I also think making some new friends and finding some activities for yourself outside the home would be good -- classes, meetings, volunteering, whatever. And some type of job, even if only a temp or part-time gig, would at least get you out of the house, making your own money, and interacting with different people some of the time. Sounds like you have a bit of "cabin fever." Can you drive to a park or someplace where you'd feel safe walking, alone or with one or more of the dogs? That might be a good way to unwind. Or, exercise indoors if you can. Exercise is a great stress reliever.

As for the dog, you know more than I do in that area, but I would just suggest that you try to get her as much exercise as possible, because it will tire her out and make her more compliant and agreeable generally. If walks or going to the park aren't options, can you play fetch or tug-of-war with her inside (away from the other dogs)?

I also second the suggestion of Planned Parenthood. Besides BC pills, they can also do PAP tests for low cost.

[gibbrishclown]

This anger issue, my bf said, is the 'only thing' about me he really can't stand. He says I'm otherwise perfect for him. :basic45: Talk about a good reason to CTFO!! It's the last step before I attain perfection.....:s1gyahoo: LMAO

(snipped)

I'm sure some of yours is also the environment... you are use to a backyard and space as well as security. Which you are then (maybe) feeling bad for the pets, as you know they need running room, which makes you stressed at them.

Now their exercise is on me. Everything about their lives is on me. I have to take them to the park twice a day at least to use the grass, and they have to exercise. I did just get Bel a 40' line so she can run with my dogs a little. My dogs can be off leash and will stay with me reliably. They get to run and play ball almost daily and now I have something so bella can play too. Unfortunately I still fear that she'll either break the leash or find some other way to remove this privlege from herself too. The line is thin and I worry she'll get tangled or someone else will and there will be injuries... I'm not normally such a damn worrier though!! I know the dogs have had just as much stress as I have with the move... 2 new cats, a new room mate, a whole new routine, exposure to the outside world they never really had before... plus they're still getting used to living together. Bella has been an only child for a long time and doesn't react to all situations appropriately. management has been enough to control the dog fights though almost 100%... gone are the days where a bone can be left unattended... that sight is a fight waiting to happen!

Even mine have had to adjust. They've never been around highly animated people before... for example, they've never seen people hollering about sports on tv, jumping around about them, or reinacting a slamdunk or something. A friend almost got bitten recently reinacting a dunk. he ran (without regard for) at Corona loudly imitating this dunk in slow mo, but it was still fast enough that it scared her and she ran at him growling. :0doh: I was sure he was going to get bitten or the dogs would scrap since there was so much excitement, but thankfully the friend is learning how to be around dogs and stopped everything in time.

I think I need to post a list of house rules, but I still doubt they'd be adhered to... everyone thinks they know how to handle the dogs, but whenever there's an issue, they look to me... how can I keep things consistent when people dont listen to me?

Sometimes, just talking about it (or in this case, writing about it), can help us see things that were right there all the time, gibby, and input from others that you aren't really close to IRL can be really good, too.

You will get through this, and I'll bet you and b/f's dog end up the very best of friends, once you get through this initial phase of testing each other out.
Thanks Roamer :)

And see, she's my girl when he's not around. She was definitley 'his female' in her eyes for the first 2 years of her life, but that has changed now, and it is gonna stay changed to!! :D When we're at home alone, she's my baby girl. She loves me, and of course I love her too. My mother was here recently and kept commenting on how much like a human child she was. She'd see her sit and behave, but the moment anythng changed in her environment, she switched over to Hells Bells and she takes a very long time to calm down... probably extra time given that it takes me so long to calm down myself!! (which I have to comment, all this being my fault, only pisses me off at me more... but it's still anger, and that's still useless! I see that, but in the moment... in the moment it doesn't matter)

[Roamer]

And see, she's my girl when he's not around. She was definitley 'his female' in her eyes for the first 2 years of her life, but that has changed now, and it is gonna stay changed to!! When we're at home alone, she's my baby girl. She loves me, and of course I love her too. My mother was here recently and kept commenting on how much like a human child she was. She'd see her sit and behave, but the moment anythng changed in her environment, she switched over to Hells Bells and she takes a very long time to calm down... probably extra time given that it takes me so long to calm down myself!!

You just nailed your problem, Gibby, or at least the one with Corona. She does love you, but she thinks the b/f belongs to her. She's set in her ways and doesn't want anything or anyone to change her comfort zone.

I saw earlier you said you were no Cesar. You know what he'd say? "Change your attitude and you will change her." He rehabilitates dogs, he says, but he trains people.

As animal savvy as you are, you can do this, even if it takes making yourself be as calm internally as you show her you are externally. She feels your energy, whether it's positive or negative.

[Pauli]

This is something Grins posted on a missing person thread, he had also suggested having a thread on anger..

http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/static/images/statusicon/post_old.gif 01-21-2008, 03:01 PM #15 (http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/showpost.php?p=66980&postcount=15) Grins (http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/member.php?u=105)
Senior Member

http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/image.php?u=105&dateline=1196748472 (http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/member.php?u=105)

Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 772


http://helpfindthemissing.org/forum/images/icons/icon1.gif
Each of us can look at this!

"Why Am I So Angry?
Control your thoughts

Please read scenario at bottom

Three Types Of Anger

Rage is the expression of violent, uncontrolled anger. Rage is an outward expression of anger and can result in a visible, often destructive, explosion. If Lucille (in example 1) took the plate she had in her hand and threw it against the wall causing it to break into pieces as a reaction to her husband's suggestion, this behavior would exhibit rage.

Resentment is the feeling of anger directed towards a person or object which is suppressed and kept inside. It is a feeling which smolders and feels uncomfortable, and can possibly create more physiological and psychological damage. If John (in example 4) listened to his mother's comment but did not respond by explaining the reality to her, he would harbor feelings of resentment.

Indignation is regarded as appropriate, controlled, positive type of anger. Though Susan felt like screaming when the doctor's office canceled her appointment (in example 2), she calmly told the secretary she was disappointed but understood and rescheduled the appointment. The three types of anger can occur separately or in combination, depending on the situation. With an understanding of the different types of anger, it may become easier to deal with situations which provoke these feelings.

Angry Thoughts

Anger exists in the mind and is a direct result of your thoughts. An event does not make you angry, but your interpretation of the event and how you think and feel can lead to anger. Certain things can be done to make the feelings of anger more controllable and manageable.

Step 1- Admit you are angry. Recognizing that you are angry is the first step in dealing with it. Some people find it difficult to admit they are angry perhaps because they view their feelings as inappropriate or not valid. These people may deny their feelings therefore choosing not to deal with them.

Step 2- Identify the source of the anger. Realizing what is causing you to feel angry is important in dealing with the real problem. Often the real problem can be confused with other issues or other emotions. In example 1, is Lucille truly angry with her husband or is she angry because her illness is an interference in her daily routine? If Lucille is misdirecting her anger at her husband rather than the true source, the problem becomes compounded.

Step 3 - Feeling angry?.....Why? Recognizing the reason for your feelings of anger is an important step in dealing with the anger. After analyzing the reasons, you will decide in your mind if the anger is reasonable or justifiable. If you decide the anger is unrealistic you can diffuse the feelings. If you decide the anger is realistic, you can better decide how to deal with your feelings.

Controlling Anger

There are techniques which can help you control your thoughts and in turn control your anger..."


http://www.angermanagementseminar.co..._so_angry.html (http://www.angermanagementseminar.com/articles/why_am_i_so_angry.html)

[gibbrishclown]

windovervocalcords, thank you for your encouragement. :) I know I'm a work in progress... surely we can't be done growing as a person at 24... then why would we have 50+ years left in an average lifespan?

I'd love to hear more about these methods you employ and teach.

Thanks Kami... he's had the dog since she was a puppy, since he was in college. I'm the newcomer in the scene. Bella had no respect for women when I met her. Not aggressive, just not compliant!!


Dawg, I know I shouldn't fall into the mommy/maid/wifey bit for these guys, esp. the room mate. I want to talk to them about it, but honestly I don't think I could keep my cool if they made some comment like 'well what else are you doing with your day that you can't pick up some of the slack around the house'... actually I know I would lose it, because I'm SO defensive about it. Not working is one of my biggest hang ups about being here. I am not living off my bf, I have my own money, but while they're out owrking all day I'm a stay at home dog mommy and I"m even failing in that!!

Honestly why should it bother me if the room mate has peanut butter and leaves it all over the spoon in the sink when the dishwasher is open? I've kept a NASTY house before and I could do it again. I have so much free time, I"m inventing pet peeves? is that it? :doh:

You're right though... resentments are building. I have to learn to speak out before I explode into outbursts... because then my thoughts and feelings expressed that way lose validity... who's listening to the hysterical ravings of this mad woman in her tantrums? nobody.

I did meet a pretty cool chick. We have been out shopping a few times and I think she's going to be a great help for me and especially to help me get out and do things for me, girl stuff the guys would call 'gay' or just roll their eyes if I mentioned them, she enjoys and we enjoy them together. :) That is a huge help.

I need to get my ass out to the rescue. I'm cleared to go train there, but I don't like the shelter it makes me sad... besides, I have to clear up this frustration before I can work with scared traumatized animals in such a stressful environment if I have half a prayer of doing any good!!

I can drive anywhere, I have tomtom, but tomtom doesn't tell me if that park is one of the ones in the area well known as a place for sexual rondezvous and other illicit activities... and I know there are a few of those around. I just need to learn my area somehow so I know where it's safe to be with and without the dogs.

Bella does get some exercise. She has a backpack for walks and I just bought this lunge line for her to get to play ball with my dogs at the park. We're looking into a treadmill also. She is great playing in the house away from other dogs, but if she's near the other dogs once she get excited, she starts to take it out on the dogs. I can't even run Corona with the laser pointer without her taking it to the next level... Shes just so damn exciteable!

My insurance is only lapsed since the end of Dec... which is when I had my last girl physical... I never let those go though, and I"d definitely got to PP if I went a year without insurance... hopefully I'll have insurance in the next few months though!

thanks again, y'all

[KittyMom]

Gib,

Honey, you're being a little hard on yourself. You've made some major life changes and YOU need some adjustment time. Its okay to get frustrated and anger. Find a church group or join a gym or something. Anything that will help you meet new people and find some friends for YOU. Frankly, I'd be a bit resentful of bf. Seems you've given up a lot for his benefit. Now would be the perfect time for him to make a sacriface or two. He could watch the fur babies while you have a girls night or maybe even find you an apt without the roommate, bad neighborhood, and with a backyard.

[gibbrishclown]

You just nailed your problem, Gibby, or at least the one with Bella. She does love you, but she thinks the b/f belongs to her. She's set in her ways and doesn't want anything or anyone to change her comfort zone.

I saw earlier you said you were no Cesar. You know what he'd say? "Change your attitude and you will change her." He rehabilitates dogs, he says, but he trains people.

As animal savvy as you are, you can do this, even if it takes making yourself be as calm internally as you show her you are externally. She feels your energy, whether it's positive or negative.

I switched the name of the dog up there... I knew you wouldn't mind. Corona is my Little Bear... she's the one that almost bit a friend the other day, but Bella is my bf's dog, the one that I have so many issues with.

I know I have to change it in me before I get any results from Bella... I just don't know how to actually do that.


Harlett, great link, and thank you... I hope grins checks in, this thread doesn' thave to be all about me and my specific triggers, rather it can be about how to chill and resolve anger within people in general.

kittymom... I appreciate your support. I have changed a lot and given up a lot to be with him, but ultimately it was my decision. I still think it was the right one too even though sometimes I get really really really frustrated. Change is so hard. I am not particularly good at it either! I do want to live with him. That's part of what makes it all worth while... waking up next to him and all of that sappy stuff. :girl_haha: besides, no apartment is going to let me in with 3 dogs and a cat... well not one I'd likely wanna be in!

Re: the neighborhood... I'm from Iowa originally and then in the suburbs in NC... I'm not used to locking my doors or even seeing people standing around on the streets. Not used to city life at all, honestly. It doesn't take much to keep me fearful of htis new and unknown area. I think the guys are just tying to keep me aware though. I walked my 3 dogs (before Bella got home from his mom's house) about 4 blocks over-just exploring- and Cristal, my shy girl was so scared she crawled on her belly practically with he tail up her hind end and her ears flat back... when I relayed the story I was told to walk the OPPOSITE direction... towards where the cops live. It's stuff like this that makes me uncomfortable with my surroundings, but it's not like I listen to gunfire at night or anything like that.

If I ever had anything to actually go out and do, I'm sure he'd be willing to step in and take care of the dogs though. I think he's going to finish half the basement for the dogs and put up a fence soon too. he really is a good one even though I'm kinda picking on him in this thread.

[DDawg]

I agree with kittymom -- you've given up a lot to make the situation work. The bf and the roomie need to give a little too. At minimum, they should put their own dirty dishes in the dishwasher, imo.

But the heat of the moment isn't the time to raise any thorny issue. You could instead tell bf and roomie that you'd like to sit down and have a discussion about who ought to be doing what, what the house rules should be, what the doggie rules should be, etc. If everybody buys into everything on the list and is a part of the process, it should be easier for the rules to stick. If you just make the list yourself and expect them to follow your rules without having any input, fuggeddaboutit.

[gibbrishclown]

I'll settle for putting the dishes on the floor for the dogs to do the first pass on!! :girl_haha:

I definitely need to heed this advice, dawg... I have a nasty habit of wanting to keep peace when I have it and waiting till I'm already pissed off to bring forth any issues... at which time I"m not in control the way I need to be to be clear and actually make progress.

[gibbrishclown]

I also don't care to hear what the room mate thinks about how to handle the dogs. I want him to listen and obey... just like the dogs. He's a cat person, and thinks a shock collar is the way to go or a really really good hit. I'm not anti shock collar, but it's far from the first line of defense IMO.

Pretty bratty sounding isn't it? I know, but I leave him alone abotu computers and cats... he's an IT guy and has cats. he can leave me alone about the dogs since I have done way more research and studying on the matter than he has... there I go... justifying my behavior though.

[DDawg]

Since the dogs are yours and bf's, I think you and bf should make the doggie rules. I don't see why roomie should have any say, unless the dogs are causing him some kind of problem -- crapping in his room or biting him or something like that.

[gibbrishclown]

Since the dogs are yours and bf's, I think you and bf should make the doggie rules. I don't see why roomie should have any say, unless the dogs are causing him some kind of problem -- crapping in his room or biting him or something like that.


The only issue he has with them is that Bella jumps on him when he comes in the room. He yells at her which is loud and pisses me off, doesn't do much for the dog either :rolleye0001:

Let me rant on him a minute:

The other day, he brought his cat downstairs just as a new person came into the house. Bella was chained to the couch so she couldn't jump on the new guest. Bella is fixated on the cat. He was convinced that Bel couldn't know the cat was there because he carried her in his coat and she couldnt' see her. She was SCREAMING and acting a fool and he was asking why she was being so bad (from the next room)...:eyebrow1qb: uhh because you've got a cat she's not allowed to see downstairs while she's tied up!! Then my bf started asking what we should do in this situation. (allthe while bella is screaming her big red head off) He was embarrassed and frustrated and I was so worked up I didn't answer him immediately. He asked if I didn't know what to do, I tried to stay quiet because I was LIVID, but he kept pushing me, and I told him that it was our job not to put her in that position in the first place! We set her up to fail. We were past her threshold for distraction WAY PAST IT. Honestly that activity could have made the fixation worse and the cat didn't need it and Bella didn't need it. Then the roomy comes down from putting his cat away and continues to tell me there was no way the dog saw the cat and that couldn't have been why she was freaking out. :doh: It took a very long time to calm down from that one.

gotta go walk the dogs brb

[DDawg]

The dog probably smelled the cat if she didn't see it.

Why's roomie carrying the cat around anyway? Until Bella adjusts, seems like a good idea to keep roomie's cat and Bella separated.

Honestly, Gibby, roomie sounds like a major PITA.

[gibbrishclown]

he is at times. He knows everything because he's 5 years older than me. He even interrupted me talking about how I'd learned and changed a lot in the last 5 years to tell me how he thought he knew everything 5 years ago, but he really didn't know anything at all in hind sight... Kind of a prickish thing to interject IMO. With him I have to step back and see that he doesn't have his sht together and if he did he wouldn't be liivng iwth his younger coworker and his gf!! He's always telling me what I should do and what problems are going to arise in my relationship. I can see how he'd be so insightful given his fiance just moved out on him while he was away on business for a few weeks. It takes a lot not to start in on him about that when he's filling me full of advice. I could pick his ass apart, and would take such great pleasure in it. He could be gone iwth his head hanging, tail tucked in a heartbeat... I'm trying to keep the peace though. Reminds me of my friend whos in an abusive marriage who always tells me how to get and keep a man around... LMFAO thanks anyway... I'll make my own mistakes, rather than learn how to make yours all over again!!

there are barracades in place on the stairs to keep the roommate's cats away from Bella. After Bella attacked proof last month Roomy informed me he was uncomfortable with them being together. I wasn't comfortable iwth them being together from word go, because if they run, they're prey for the dogs. Most dogs. Bella isn't ready for that yet. My cat taz has run of the house and can be around Bella all the time no problem, but she's the OG, she's raised Proof on down, everyone I've owned Taz has raised. She's not running. :D Taz is Bella's first cat companion, and even with her sometimes she is clumbsy and out f line. The difference is Taz puts a hurtin' on her. Roomy's cats know not to come down when the barracade is in place. He carried her down that day. I still can't think of a good reason why he'd do that.

I was mystified by this because she was already upset when he brought the cat down. A guest had just arrived and Bella was tethered to the couch to give the guest a chance to walk in without being jumped on. Unfortunately the guest didn't hear me when I said no touch no talk no eye contact. She was talking excitedly with the dogs and all that crap and Bella aws frustrated and barking. She was almost relaxed again after the guest greeted her and sat down, but then he came down with his cat (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY) and sat in the very next room. He let Proof see the cat but the whole thing was setting everyone up to fail. He was saying "its ok its ok, shh calm down, it's ok" UGH!! He effectively created more fixation than he could have even hoped to alleviate. he is an idiot for taht one. Damn, I'm still mad about that and that was last week!

[Louise]

It's all the changes you are going through Gibs, take one day at a time and it will get better. Alot of adjusting for you and bf's puppy! Depending on how long he has had him/her, could be the reason for their reaction towards you.

I agree with Kami, you have been through a lot of changes lately and that can test the patience of anyone. It is good though that you are aware of how you are feeling and willing to do something to change how you have been feeling. Good luck. :love0085:

[gibbrishclown]

thanks louise!

[KittyMom]

Gib,

Roommate is a butt-head. NEVER does a true animal lover bring two animals together in such a setting. Had they already been friends, it was still a tense situation with a new person coming in the room. Sounds like the jerk wanted to impress this new person with his (I could really use an ugly word here) cat. I'm sure she was duly impressed that a grown man who lives as a third wheel in a relationship owns a cat and and is insensitive enough to yell at a dog. :rolleye0001: Yeah, great first impression there, Jacko.

Maybe you should get a new pet...how does roomy feel about spiders...big, hairy ones?:innocent1:

[gibbrishclown]

Gib,

Roommate is a butt-head. NEVER does a true animal lover bring two animals together in such a setting. Had they already been friends, it was still a tense situation with a new person coming in the room. Sounds like the jerk wanted to impress this new person with his (I could really use an ugly word here) cat. I'm sure she was duly impressed that a grown man who lives as a third wheel in a relationship owns a cat and and is insensitive enough to yell at a dog. :rolleye0001: Yeah, great first impression there, Jacko.

Maybe you should get a new pet...how does roomy feel about spiders...big, hairy ones?:innocent1:


Ooh I love fantasizin about all the ways I could run him off. I think I could do it verbally and by accident if I tried. he told me once about how he never raised his voice to his ex till it was over... I bet I could make him holler though. I have a lot of frustration to take out and if he wants to make himself my target, game on mofo. :D I like tarantulas, but crickets (the food) freak me out :doh:

I think he wanted to show off the cat (he has 2 but one doesn't come out of his room- he tries to make me feel bad about it, but I don't) because she's so pretty, and maybe he wanted to show how he could stay calm or handle the cat well. Oh you should have been there the day he took MY CAT outside with him to smoke a cig. We have no yard, she was just sitting in his lap on the sidewalk next to an intersection. Shes been a house cat her whole life. No collar, tags, microchip. I asked him why he'd take her out, then tried to run upstairs so I wouldn't kill him after he took her anyway, but my bf said I had to address it. I opened the door to talk, and as he was showing me his foolproof cat holding method, she got up and he had to catch her. I effing LOST IT and although it would have taken much less panic etc in my voice to get the same reaction from him (getting the cat back in the house) I didn't have any composure when I thought about losing my friend, whos been with me since I'm 17. he then took his cat outside to show me how she's trained.... do we have a clobbering smile? :71541: that's too mild a correction.

I had to work on my feelings toward the roommate already, because Corona was starting to become wary of him. :0doh: Mama can be such a bad influence. I started out on a bad foot with him though. Because the night I met him he asked me if I planned to stay up here. Ummmm of COURSE I DO! HOW DID YOU MISS THE MEMO?! he told me recently that if he'd known I was moving in he never would have moved in also. my bf insists he knew I was coming and chose to move in anyway. drama drama drama drama

[DDawg]

Gibby, for your sake, and the sake of your relationship, I hope roomie finds a new place soon. It's hard enough just negotiating all these kinds of things with your bf, but it really complicates the picture when a third person is thrown into the mix.

[Louise]

thanks louise!

Sorry I couldn't give you much advice apart from hang in there and things will get better over time. Don't forget to take time out for yourself too, that is important.

[gibbrishclown]

he thinks he might be out this spring, or fall at the latest. he isn't the devil. Sometimes he's really funny. Like when he sees my bf do something stupid and lets me know he saw it. Not having a girlfriend around to see that stuff, it is nice to have him comment so I don't think I'm just going crazy inventing stuff to get upset about in my infinite free time. I agree though. It'd be easier to get on my feet in this relationship without so many others being around. Actually though, the room mate isn't even around as often as the best friend. I finally had to tell my bf that I needed one night a week without this guy. So far I haven't gotten it, though. he was even over on valentines day.

[gibbrishclown]

Sorry I couldn't give you much advice apart from hang in there and things will get better over time. Don't forget to take time out for yourself too, that is important.


hang in there is probably a big part of what I have to do, though louise!! :happy0158:

[Roamer]

You took the words right out of my mouth, Dawg. Roomie needs to move, and b/f needs to tell Best Friend that he needs to stay home once in awhile.

[gibbrishclown]

the friend doesn't even have his own stash... that's why he comes over every day... to smoke. I don't understand why he doesn't pay for a third of ours in that case, but there's a lot I don' tunderstand about the situation. I especially don't understand why I have to be the bad guy and say he can't come hang out. Since when do normal friends hang out every single night? The other night we were upstairs arguing about the damn dog and the best friend just let himself in the house. BF didn't know he was coming, had told me we weren't going anywhere. I'd taken my makeup off already because my eyes were bothering me.

I don't want to be that gf that takes her guy away from all his friends and all that... and I recognize that he has friends and I don't, and I try not to be jealous or any of that. Once my bf told me my friends could be over all the time too... if only I had any. :(

[Roenick]

Starting cutting out the "roommate wanted" and "rooms for rent" ads in the paper and putting them on the fridge. Maybe he'll get the hint

[gibbrishclown]

:girl_haha: Bwahahhaha!!

Unlike him though, I definitely knew going into it I'd have to deal with a roomy for up to a year... I'm trying really hard to just make that work.

[Louise]

Starting cutting out the "roommate wanted" and "rooms for rent" ads in the paper and putting them on the fridge. Maybe he'll get the hint

That's a great idea Roe. :basic45:



:67302:

[DDawg]

Consider having a private discussion with your bf about setting some boundaries for the Best Friend. You haven't had one night without him around since you moved there? Sheesh!

[gibbrishclown]

oh sure there have been nights he hasn't come over... nights when rob's away on business though. he shows up after work and stays till after I go to bed. My alone time with my man is only during sleep hours and on weekends during the day.

I can't believe I have to point this stuff out though honestly, and even though I did the other day, it didn't do any good at all.

I really didn't mean to turn this into such a complaint though. Things here really are good for the most part, but I need help controlling my temper.

[Sumanadevii]

I think anger is a good emotion. It is a warning that something is not right. It is how we react to that anger that can be right or wrong. I look at anger as red lights going on and off....Identifying why is the key to controlling it.

Again, I think you are on the right track. Just keep talking and pondering the why...

[maryhaze]

my #1 alternative is for you to move up here!:girl_haha: i just hired an employee but i'm not sure if she'll work out. if that isn't feasible, how about a treadmill for all of you. the dogs will get their exercise without putting you in bad situations & you could run off some steam too. also when i was your age & homicidal, my doctor recommended vitamin b-12 to stabilize hormones. i'm still homicidal but i like it now. if all else fails, call me & bitch. i'm a good listener & i can bitch back!:happy0158:

[gibbrishclown]

I'll try b12...surely can't hurt. We are looking into the treadmill too. We found one online, but I'd rather have my big bad bf go get it than lil ole me go meet a stranger and do all the work :D I'll use the treadmill too, but I perfer my bf for the working out of my tensions and aggressions LOL.

My girls are getting their needs met... just not Bella. She's just a pup. She's learning, but she's a lot of work. She's 2, just turned, and the others are creeping up on 4,5, and proof will be 6 this fall... she'll have to calm down in a year or so anyway, all of mine have... but will my head explode before then?

I'm right not to back down when she growls at me though, right mary?

I'm definitely envious of your new hire... I can only imagine what she's like.

You might should PM that phone number to me when you get a chance too, my friend!

Thanks mary ♥

[maryhaze]

done & i wouldn't back down from her either. but you don't want to push her until she does something you'll both regret. when she gets like that, can you at least talk her into a sit or something to leave it on a positive note?

[gibbrishclown]

when she does it, it's while my hand is moving toward her collar. I know I risk a bite, but I haven't recoiled, rather I make an aaagh sound like I do when they mess up on walks and move her anyway. So far I've gotten away with it. I'm more scared of her finding power in growling than of her actually biting me... I'll seek means of making it positive though. Definitely. Thank you so much!

[KittyMom]

he thinks he might be out this spring, or fall at the latest. he isn't the devil. Sometimes he's really funny. Like when he sees my bf do something stupid and lets me know he saw it. Not having a girlfriend around to see that stuff, it is nice to have him comment so I don't think I'm just going crazy inventing stuff to get upset about in my infinite free time. I agree though. It'd be easier to get on my feet in this relationship without so many others being around. Actually though, the room mate isn't even around as often as the best friend. I finally had to tell my bf that I needed one night a week without this guy. So far I haven't gotten it, though. he was even over on valentines day.

:faintTHUD:

Okay...time for strategy here. BBF won't give you guys a night to yourself. hmmm...okay, go to the market. Find a homely looking girl...ya know, a double-bagger. Invite her to supper. Then when BBF shows up, throw them together. At the end of the evening, very sweetly let him know that you've realized how lonely he must be 'cause of the amt of the time he spends with you guys. So, being the caring gal that you are, you're now on a mission to find him the perfect woman. Then sit back and enjoy your nights with bf.
:yes2:

[KittyMom]

oh sure there have been nights he hasn't come over... nights when rob's away on business though. he shows up after work and stays till after I go to bed. My alone time with my man is only during sleep hours and on weekends during the day.

I can't believe I have to point this stuff out though honestly, and even though I did the other day, it didn't do any good at all.

I really didn't mean to turn this into such a complaint though. Things here really are good for the most part, but I need help controlling my temper.

When all else fails...be direct. You'll only have to do it once, I promise. The next time he comes over and settles in for the night...stand up and annouce that you want to have wild sex with your guy. If BBF doesn't get the hint, your man will. :22wink:

[PatC]

I can't add anything more meaningful that the other posters have except to let you know I agree that you can always vent here and know you have friends to listen and encourage.

I won't address the dog handling issues because I feel you're much better qualified there than I am.

I know you're young and being penned up all day every day may be starting to subtly getting to you and anything you can do to work off that energy would be great, but until then I have this to recommend. Breath. Yes, breath -- breath correctly. Since my arthritis rules my life pretty much right now I can't even walk briskly anymore so I've had to find another way to control my temper and I stumbled on this by accident. I guess it's a lot like what Windover... was saying about meditation or something, but with me it's a simple, "In with the good air, out with the bad air." thing.

I breath in deeply and slowly (I count to four) through my nose, hold my breath for a count of four, exhale through my mouth to a count of four. After a few repetitions of this I feel the tension dissipating. You might try it, no don't need any special equipment or extra space. I can also recommend aroma "therapy" to the extent that you might get you some calming scents to have around. Lavender and Rose do it for me.

Good luck girl. You know we love you.

:1222423: PatC

[gibbrishclown]

When all else fails...be direct. You'll only have to do it once, I promise. The next time he comes over and settles in for the night...stand up and annouce that you want to have wild sex with your guy. If BBF doesn't get the hint, your man will. :22wink:
:67302: You're crackin' me up KM!

ya know? I mentioned once that since our only free time together ALONE was at sleep times... I go to bed early, and they stay up and do boring boy things I guess, then he gets up early and goes to work...that it made for a rather unpredictable sex life. I thought that would work, but I think I failed in my delivery, because I didn't couple it with fridgidity. :0doh:

IDK about the bff... most women are so far below him. You know how vaginas tend to make their owners dumber and less important over all. I think it would take a hell of an independent woman who has her shit together and is more about HER money than he is about his... Or she'd have to be very very butch and love sports and bikes, but why have a woman like that when he has my bf? :z0tdntknw:

[gibbrishclown]

I can't add anything more meaningful that the other posters have except to let you know I agree that you can always vent here and know you have friends to listen and encourage.

I won't address the dog handling issues because I feel you're much better qualified there than I am.

I know you're young and being penned up all day every day may be starting to subtly getting to you and anything you can do to work off that energy would be great, but until then I have this to recommend. Breath. Yes, breath -- breath correctly. Since my arthritis rules my life pretty much right now I can't even walk briskly anymore so I've had to find another way to control my temper and I stumbled on this by accident. I guess it's a lot like what Windover... was saying about meditation or something, but with me it's a simple, "In with the good air, out with the bad air." thing.

I breath in deeply and slowly (I count to four) through my nose, hold my breath for a count of four, exhale through my mouth to a count of four. After a few repetitions of this I feel the tension dissipating. You might try it, no don't need any special equipment or extra space. I can also recommend aroma "therapy" to the extent that you might get you some calming scents to have around. Lavender and Rose do it for me.

Good luck girl. You know we love you.

:1222423: PatC

Thanks PatC! I[m sorry to hear your arthritis bothers you so. :hug:

I do take deep breaths occasionally. Usually of really really gooood air too, but I'm confident that bong rips aren't what you meant at all... even in your aroma therapy suggestion, I doubt you meant to send me any subliminal hinting about bong rips :D I'm just teasin, Pat, I'll look into Lavender and Rose also. I know that breathing helps calm me. It can help me fall asleep paterning my breath after the dogs or someone who's already sleeping... b'sides, I can't breathe this way with my head still up my arse for long, so I'll have to calm down, right?

Focusing on something else, anything else is good, but it takes a lot to get my mind off whatever is making me angry... I guess I'm a bit like my unstable pit bull friend in that regard, huh? :girl_haha:

[maryhaze]

shut him off til he gets the punching bag up & request a set of throwing knives for whatever holiday is coming up next. or ask his best friend if he's willing to change diapers when that time comes along. don't laugh, throwing knives are always on my gift list. PatC, if you can hold one, you can learn to throw one. & they are just too cool.

[gibbrishclown]

Mary, if you jinx me into being pregnant already, I swear YOU'RE changing diapers! Ya hear?! :girl_haha: OMG you're so funny. The punching bag is going up when he gets home from his business trip. How do you get away with throwing ANYTHING in your place surrounded by all those dogs?! I had a dart board for like 5 minutes but it threatened Proof's life because she kept jumping at them, the big idiot!

[maryhaze]

nah, i wouldn't want you to spawn before you are ready, but when you do & if it's a boy, always cover before moving the old diaper. trust me on this one. always have that thing covered!:girl_haha: if i ever get my knives, i'll probably use the side of the barn to practise on. hopefully without my idiots around because those gsds will try to catch anything & i don't need any more vet bills.

[PatC]

shut him off til he gets the punching bag up & request a set of throwing knives for whatever holiday is coming up next. or ask his best friend if he's willing to change diapers when that time comes along. don't laugh, throwing knives are always on my gift list. PatC, if you can hold one, you can learn to throw one. & they are just too cool.

Sounds good to me. I had a really nice ( B I G ) knife when I was in my early teens. I saw it in a hardware/sporting good store window one day when my dad and I were out together and fell in love with it. It had it's own "holster" too. It was almost a foot long and really well balanced. My dad bought it for me and I learned to throw it pretty accurately. The big tree in our back yard suffered a bit at first, but I got the hang of it.

(Do ya get the idea I was a "Tomboy" when I was growing up?)

[PatC]

Thanks PatC! I[m sorry to hear your arthritis bothers you so. :hug:

I do take deep breaths occasionally. Usually of really really gooood air too, but I'm confident that bong rips aren't what you meant at all... even in your aroma therapy suggestion, I doubt you meant to send me any subliminal hinting about bong rips :D I'm just teasin, Pat, I'll look into Lavender and Rose also. I know that breathing helps calm me. It can help me fall asleep paterning my breath after the dogs or someone who's already sleeping... b'sides, I can't breathe this way with my head still up my arse for long, so I'll have to calm down, right?

Focusing on something else, anything else is good, but it takes a lot to get my mind off whatever is making me angry... I guess I'm a bit like my unstable pit bull friend in that regard, huh? :girl_haha:

I'm going to "Take the Fifth" (as opposed to "Drink a Fifth") on the bong. I know I said to breath in, hold your breath then breath out, but I was not thinking of the bong and I don't advocate doing the "I'm -talking-but-I-can't-take-a-breath" communication technique when you're doing these breathing exercises. Doing the four count (four counts each for in-hold-out) gives me something to think about... trying to time a deep breath so I don't run out of sucking in power before I get to "4"... does it for me, but I'm pretty simple-minded when I'm angry, so 1 to 4 is about all I'm capable of. LOL

[awakening2lite]

I definitely have issues with hormones a few days out of the month... I take a medium dose bc, because the high dose gave me WICKED PMS- like the kind of frustration I'm posting about now, inescapeable but not triggered by ANYTHING- before this whole move, and I was then switched to the low low dose ones, but had breakthrough bleeding, and was concerned that I was going to get pregnant. I had to switch to the right med and get a year long prescription because I gave up my insurance to move here, and haven't set anything up here yet... so I'll have to wait to have my hormone levels checked.

I'll track my mood... that's really not a bad idea at all. If nothing it'll help me isolate the issues.

i have a punching bag. I lost the chains, but I'll get new ones and get that up. I definitely need that kind of outlet.

As far as running around the block, I would have to take the dogs or mary's glock... I'm not in a neighborhood that I'm comfortable going out alone in. That just adds to my frustration too, because I don't ahve anywhere to go to get away from my frustrations here. I'm a few blocks away from the ghetto and as I've mentioned I'm not real big or strong... the guys occasionally make comments that reinforce my desire to stay home too... comments about what can happen to pretty white girls in the ghetto and about why people haven't messed with me yet... (either they think I have a gun or they see the dogs... yikes, right?)

I do understand on paper whta I have to do for Bella, but changing the human is ALWAYS the hardest part!! I dont' want her to be scared of me, and I don't wnat to get more angry when she submission/fear pees because I do know better. I can hear me counseling someone else about how to do this, but it is SO MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE!!! I've spent a good bit of money and energy trying to come up with alternative methods to exercise her and to help get her attention when she's fixated on destroying another dog on our walks. We just bought her a 2" martingale collar because I was afraid the prong was just reinforcing her frustration with pain at the sight of other dogs and I could see where she was hurting herself on it. It seems to be working, but it still hurts my hands when she pulls, and that angers me :D I concede taht she frustrates me more and faster than the others, I've apparently conditioned myself to react negatively to her, and I need to recondition myself to treat her as the patient/ client she is, rather than the PITA she is :girl_haha:

Thank you Roe. :)

I know this might sound silly but what about a treadmill for the doggie to walk it off and you could use it too and then neither of you would have to go out and worry about the walk out side? You could run off a lot of steam on a treadmill and never have to leave the house. Sometimes the local thrift shops have them or check ads in the paper for a used one.
Then you and the doggie can work more on your relationship.

I also think it is helpful if you talk to your bf about helping to pick up after his friends or have one of them help clean up after them. That will make you less resentful of them and their mess and the time they are taking up.

Life is never easy. There are also many places on line that deal with anger issues. And while you are working on setting up something for yourself you can take some online business courses and maybe not feel to tense about getting a business started. I think, thinking about getting a business can be very scary when is it depending on ones personal talent or expert abilities. Remember, if you are a success, it is because you did it, if you are not so successful, it isn't because you didn't try or because you weren't prepared, and it isn't the end of the world either.

Sorry to chatter on.

[DDawg]

re: treadmill, freecycle is a good way to get one for nothing.

www.freecycle.org

[PatC]

<snip>

I also think it is helpful if you talk to your bf about helping to pick up after his friends or have one of them help clean up after them. That will make you less resentful of them and their mess and the time they are taking up.

<snipped - 'cause I had a thought :shock: >


I don't know why I didn't think of this before....

I have a 4 year old grandson and when his daddy brings him to visit he manages to drag out everything under the sun then when they leave it's up to Grammy to put every thing back to rights again and I got to the point that I resented their visits. For a while I just simmered, then, just before I was ready to blow I had a brainstorm and when they started to leave one day, I just started asking one or the other of them to do something specific. I didn't (as I had done before) ask my son to pick up after HIS son, I did things like:

Grammy: "It's been nice to visit with you, DS, would you please straighten the throw rugs before you leave?"

Grammy: "I hope you had a good time, DGS, push your little desk chair back under your desk. Thank you. Now pick up your mat and fold it then lay it on your desk. Good boy."

Grammy: "Don't forget your laundry basket, DS, Oh, and when you go to the laundry room for it, please put the lid back on the detergent and close the washer lid."


There was some conversation in between, but before they left I had managed to get one or the other of them to put everything away/straighten everything that needed it. I didn't have to get angry or yell, and I still got what I wanted. Once DS said, "We need to get going, Mom." and I smiled sweetly and said, "This will only take a minute and it's so much easier for you to do than for me to have to do it." (A little guilt goes a long way. :girl_haha: )

Gibby, you might tailor this approach for the friends. Something like, "Guys, before you go would you help me.. (fill in task here)."

They might even eventually make it a habit so you don't even have to ask.

:s1gyahoo:

[gibbrishclown]

My bf said he thinks he'll have me a treadmill this weekend and a fence in the next couple weeks. I might never HAVE to walk this little terror again unless it's on a controlled training session!! Praise praise!! Glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel because tonight we had the neverending walk from hell... there was a dog on every street corner we tried to turn down to get home tonight. It was awful! I was so winded when I got home because we have to take off running to get her attention off the other dogs and it's straight up hill to get home... ugh rotten girl.

I started trying to learn how to bake dog cookies to help pass the time. I hope that whatever I start for myself, I'll be able to add a home made dog treat aspect to it if I get good at it!

I have been taking deep breaths and being aware of my mood and what I'm projecting.

Thank you guys so much for your help and support.