View Full Version : Depression Support
I am starting this thread because I have seen so many posters on this forum and others that talk about depression and medications. I thought we could form a little support group here. I'd like to have posters share your experiences, things that help you, etc. I am very comfortable at this forum and have made a lot of online friends, so I decided to see if anyone is interested in this.
:love0085: to all who live with depression
KittyMom
03-25-2008, 11:09 AM
I am starting this thread because I have seen so many posters on this forum and others that talk about depression and medications. I thought we could form a little support group here. I'd like to have posters share your experiences, things that help you, etc. I am very comfortable at this forum and have made a lot of online friends, so I decided to see if anyone is interested in this.
:love0085: to all who live with depression
This is a great idea, Cat!
You can count me in.
Besides, I didn't want the felines to hog the avatars so I had to post to get Harry up there with your kitty cats. LOL
Texas53
03-25-2008, 11:13 AM
Me, too!
Claudia
03-25-2008, 11:17 AM
Can I join in, too? I don't suffer from depression, but I do have anxiety issues, and sometimes a bout of mild to moderate depression will follow my panic attacks. I have also been on anti-depressants and have definite opinions to share if asked!
Grins
03-25-2008, 04:59 PM
Great idea Cat.
Here is a key to my recovering from depression stated in a form of suggested school topics:
Start in School to
Learn how and why we act as we do!
The reason for courses in how to live a healthy life; sources and causes of depression; suicide or violence prevention; and how to handle relationships, is to find the causes and conditions which lead to the behavior.
It should be part of a larger course of study we may call
"My Beliefs Can Help Me Or Kill Me"
In 19 years of schooling, I was never taught why I behave the way I do.
Now I know.
=My beliefs form early and continue
=Beliefs are the Window through which I see me, you and the World
=I see the World not as it is but as I am
=Beliefs control my thinking, feelings and behavior
=If my belief is that I am inherently unlovable, I think so, feel so and act so
=that leads to thinking...
=If no one loves me I am better off dead
=and behavior...
=I kill myself
We see only the behavior; we need to be taught to examine our Beliefs and change those which are mistaken, unfounded, unhealthy and not based on fact or reality.
Am I inherently unlovable?
no
Did I believe so"
yes
Did my belief, thinking and feelings lead to my behavior which was to form a suicide plan?
yes
Belief>causes>Thinking>causes>Feelings and all cause>>Behavior
Drill it in like multiplication tables from grade 1 through forever~~
What do you all think?
This is a great idea, Cat!
Thanks, KittyMom, and welcome.
You can count me in.
Besides, I didn't want the felines to hog the avatars so I had to post to get Harry up there with your kitty cats. LOL
PatC, you are so funny (about the avatars). I always feel we cats are in the minority on most forums.
Me, too!
Welcome, Texas. I am just reading everyone's posts here, because I was gone most of the day with appointments and then visiting my mom in the hospital. Happily, she's doing well and should be home soon. She was really dehydrated.
Can I join in, too? I don't suffer from depression, but I do have anxiety issues, and sometimes a bout of mild to moderate depression will follow my panic attacks. I have also been on anti-depressants and have definite opinions to share if asked!
The more the merrier, so to speak, Claudia. You are very welcome. I have had anxiety issues in the past, also. I only had attacks at one point of my life and that was enough.
Great idea Cat.
Here is a key to my recovering from depression stated in a form of suggested school topics:
Start in School to
Learn how and why we act as we do!
The reason for courses in how to live a healthy life; sources and causes of depression; suicide or violence prevention; and how to handle relationships, is to find the causes and conditions which lead to the behavior.
It should be part of a larger course of study we may call
"My Beliefs Can Help Me Or Kill Me"
In 19 years of schooling, I was never taught why I behave the way I do.
Now I know.
=My beliefs form early and continue
=Beliefs are the Window through which I see me, you and the World
=I see the World not as it is but as I am
=Beliefs control my thinking, feelings and behavior
=If my belief is that I am inherently unlovable, I think so, feel so and act so
=that leads to thinking...
=If no one loves me I am better off dead
=and behavior...
=I kill myself
We see only the behavior; we need to be taught to examine our Beliefs and change those which are mistaken, unfounded, unhealthy and not based on fact or reality.
Am I inherently unlovable?
no
Did I believe so"
yes
Did my belief, thinking and feelings lead to my behavior which was to form a suicide plan?
yes
Belief>causes>Thinking>causes>Feelings and all cause>>Behavior
Drill it in like multiplication tables from grade 1 through forever~~
What do you all think?
I think you have some great ideas listed here, Grins, and I will look at them more fully tomorrow, because I am really tired tonight. It has been a full day. This is wonderful that we have a group started here. :love0085:
KittyMom
03-26-2008, 12:14 AM
Can I join in, too? I don't suffer from depression, but I do have anxiety issues, and sometimes a bout of mild to moderate depression will follow my panic attacks. I have also been on anti-depressants and have definite opinions to share if asked!
imo, I've found depression and anxiety go hand in hand
packy
03-26-2008, 12:27 AM
I believe depression and anxiety go hand in hand too. Bouts of anxiety can be crippling and lead to despair which feeds into depression. It's as if sometimes we make our own prison. Grins has some major points in that our self-talk or self-thinking has a direct influence on our being, if I'm understanding him right.
Dina_Dayel
03-26-2008, 05:40 AM
Well : am I depressed ?
I don't know but the Doc gave me two medications .
Depression and anxiety .
And I'm on these boards too much
isolating far too much .
So y'all keep talkin' while I figure out if I'm depressed . Meds work a charm .
And alot alot of Faith . Couldn't move forward without Faith .
Well : am I depressed ?
I don't know but the Doc gave me two medications .
Depression and anxiety .
And I'm on these boards too much
isolating far too much .
So y'all keep talkin' while I figure out if I'm depressed . Meds work a charm .
And alot alot of Faith . Couldn't move forward without Faith .
Welcome, Dina. You are sure right. I wouldn't be here (on this earth) at all without faith.
Tam5115
03-26-2008, 04:08 PM
I believe depression and anxiety go hand in hand too. Bouts of anxiety can be crippling and lead to despair which feeds into depression. It's as if sometimes we make our own prison. Grins has some major points in that our self-talk or self-thinking has a direct influence on our being, if I'm understanding him right.
Grins is absolutely right!
And yes, they do go hand in hand. I'd like to join this group too, if you all don't mind.
I have panic disorder. I was diagnosed in 1999. I've been hospitalized for depression. Both are something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember.
Grins is absolutely right!
And yes, they do go hand in hand. I'd like to join this group too, if you all don't mind.
I have panic disorder. I was diagnosed in 1999. I've been hospitalized for depression. Both are something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember.
Welcome, Tam. This thread is open to everyone. I certainly can relate. I've been dealing with depression on and off for over 25 years.
emmeblu
03-26-2008, 09:58 PM
Count me in. I have had some depression off and on in my lifetime. Usually my bouts with depression came on the heels of something traumatic happening in the family. Never lasted long but did affect my sleep and eating habits. I am one that will not eat when I am worried or depressed.
Don't know if anyone else ever questioned the fine line between what is worry and what is true depression. Also, I try to hide my real feelings from my family sometimes. :0012:Hi guys looking forward to discussion.
packy
03-26-2008, 10:15 PM
Good question, Emmeblu. Worrying can be construed as negative and a form of depression by some, yet worrying about "what if" possiblilities may be a way to prepare for reality if I make sense.
Do you hide feelings from the family out of consideration for them, or to avoid the reaction you may get from them?
KittyMom
03-26-2008, 10:28 PM
Count me in. I have had some depression off and on in my lifetime. Usually my bouts with depression came on the heels of something traumatic happening in the family. Never lasted long but did affect my sleep and eating habits. I am one that will not eat when I am worried or depressed.
Don't know if anyone else ever questioned the fine line between what is worry and what is true depression. Also, I try to hide my real feelings from my family sometimes. :0012:Hi guys looking forward to discussion.
I do the same thing emmeblu. I stop eating and sleeping. The depression is crying. I cry for days. And I really can't name one specific thing that I'm upset about. :z0tdntknw:
KittyMom
03-26-2008, 10:29 PM
I have a question. I'll explain in a later post.
What color are your eyes?
mine are light green
I have a question. I'll explain in a later post.
What color are your eyes?
mine are light green
Intriguing question. Are you asking all of us? If so, mine are blue.... of course they aren't as blue as they were when I was younger, ....
Regarding recognizing depression... here is an interesting quiz.
Depression Symptoms Quiz
(http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-symptom-quiz)
Another good resource from WebMD is this series of articles on Depression Information (http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-basics)
It starts with "Overview and Facts" and goes through "Symptoms & Types", "Diagnosis & Tests", "Treatment & Care", "Living & Managing" and "Support & Resources".
For the record, I also agree with what Grins said. I think my mother put it as succinctly as anyone could back when I was growing up.... if I'd only just understood what she was saying at the time I'd have saved myself a lot of grief, but you know the saying.... "We get too soon old, and too late smart."
What my wonderful, wise mother used to tell me was:
"Your opinion of yourself is reflected in others."
Think about it.... it took me literally years to truly grasp the significance her simple statement.
I do the same thing emmeblu. I stop eating and sleeping. The depression is crying. I cry for days. And I really can't name one specific thing that I'm upset about. :z0tdntknw:
KittyMom, when I am depressed EVERYTHING becomes bad. Things I could handle without any problem when I am doing well seem like too huge to face. Unfortunately, I do not lose my appetite when I'm depressed. In fact, chocolate is my best friend.
My eyes are blue, also.
KittyMom
03-27-2008, 10:08 PM
Years back when I was struck with depression, I was researching on the web one night and found an interesting report that talked about a correlation between depression and the color of a woman's eyes. It wasn't scientific. This doc had noticed an occurance and decided to poll all his patients. He found that of all his patients, well over half had light colored eyes...blue and green. He went on to link brain chemicals, sleep problems, and eye color. He related it to jaundice in babies. It all really made sense to me as I had such a problem with sleeping. Also, I've always been very sensitive to sunlight and fluorescent lighting. I get terrible headaches with both.
When I get a chance I'll try to find the link again. Stupidly, I forgot to save the link at the time.
KittyMom
03-27-2008, 10:11 PM
KittyMom, when I am depressed EVERYTHING becomes bad. Things I could handle without any problem when I am doing well seem like too huge to face. Unfortunately, I do not lose my appetite when I'm depressed. In fact, chocolate is my best friend.
My eyes are blue, also.
I guess that is what I go through. Once I started a crying spell after watching a commerical about meds for dogs with arthritis. I couldn't explain it to hubby...even now I don't know why it upset me so greatly. :z0tdntknw:
Tam5115
03-27-2008, 10:44 PM
My eyes are hazel, although they are more green than brown. like an olive green though, not light.
I've had insomnia forever. Yet, when I do sleep, I'll sleep for many hours and my schedule is backwards. Even when I try to switch it around by staying up all night and day (thinking that will work since I'll fall asleep early at night) it doesn't work. I'll be to sleep earlier than normal but I will still sleep as late as before. It's really frustrating.
I cry at everything! I even cry when I'm angry and that makes me insane! Try getting your point across when no one can understand what you're saying because you're just blubbering! :duh:
Grande
03-27-2008, 11:52 PM
imo, I've found depression and anxiety go hand in hand
I was diagnosed with both at the whopping age of 18 believe it or not. I haven't had an issue with depression since then, but I have bouts with anxiety. I don't have attacks like I did when I was young fortunately. At that age I had no idea what anxiety was. It was the knowledge itself that helped me manage mine. It was like an epiphany when I realized what was going on. Up until that point, I had completely isolated myself for appx. 1 year as a result of the anxiety attacks. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I do feel fortunate however that I dealt with it at such a young age. Some say, everyone deals with it at some point in there life.
animallady
03-28-2008, 01:41 AM
Cat,
Thank you for starting this group. I would like to join you here too. A group based on this topic requires an element of trust among the posters, IMO, and I'm so pleased to see that some of our most thoughtful posters have already joined in.
Currently I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. They tell me that my depression is situational. During the mid-80s I was diagnosed with "chemically-induced clinical depression", and pursuant to my endocrinologist's orders started seeing a psychiatrist. Even after my endo-problems corrected I continued seeing him, off and on; and, was psychoanalyzed during that time. (Gee, hope I haven't scared anyone off the board!) Well, so much for introducing myself, lo. I need to sign out now - too depressed to stay. :girl_haha: Just kidding. Too tired. The brain cells have been snoozing for at least an hour.
Look forward to learning from all.
Roamer
03-28-2008, 06:11 AM
I guess I should weigh in here, too. In some sense, I think I've had depression all my life. In my 20s, doctors started giving me things like Valium, which only depressed me more.
Finally, in my 30s, after seeing a therapist, I was diagnosed with an acute chemical imbalance, that I've probably had all my life. It took a whopping 250mg per day dose of Elavil to get it under control.
Since then, I've been on Paxil, and a dosage of 60 mg per day seems to keep me pretty well leveled out. There are times, though, that the depression still overides the meds, and I'm really down for days at a time, then it seems to level out again.
I've tried going off my meds (slowly, with my doctor's help), but it just doesn't work for me. I'm a mess. So, I've accepted this illness, and try my best to overcome it. On days when I can't, I just stay to myself, because I'm not fit company for anyone else.
If it takes meds for the rest of my life, I'll take them happily. Because without them, I have no life at all.
Topaz
03-28-2008, 07:24 AM
Is alarming news...about Singulair which is used for asthma and allergies.
Chronic use of this is leading to depression and suicide for some patients.
http://www.webmd.com/asthma/news/20080327/fda-checks-into-singulair-suicide-risk?src=rss_cbsnews
I wonder if this is what led to my depression last winter? I was on Singulair daily for workplace induced allergies (drug dust). I am not taking it now.
I used light therapy last spring, and all this season, with success. Didn't need antidepressants for it.
Histamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain, and if Singulair blocks brain levels of it too much it might be interfering with normal neurotransmitter functions at the receptors. We'll see if this pans out with further research.
Years back when I was struck with depression, I was researching on the web one night and found an interesting report that talked about a correlation between depression and the color of a woman's eyes. It wasn't scientific. This doc had noticed an occurance and decided to poll all his patients. He found that of all his patients, well over half had light colored eyes...blue and green. He went on to link brain chemicals, sleep problems, and eye color. He related it to jaundice in babies. It all really made sense to me as I had such a problem with sleeping. Also, I've always been very sensitive to sunlight and fluorescent lighting. I get terrible headaches with both.
When I get a chance I'll try to find the link again. Stupidly, I forgot to save the link at the time.
That is very interesting, Kitty. I have the sleep problems, too, and bright sun gives me headaches.
My eyes are hazel, although they are more green than brown. like an olive green though, not light.
I've had insomnia forever. Yet, when I do sleep, I'll sleep for many hours and my schedule is backwards. Even when I try to switch it around by staying up all night and day (thinking that will work since I'll fall asleep early at night) it doesn't work. I'll be to sleep earlier than normal but I will still sleep as late as before. It's really frustrating.
I cry at everything! I even cry when I'm angry and that makes me insane! Try getting your point across when no one can understand what you're saying because you're just blubbering! :duh:
Yes, I can relate to the insomnia and sleeping a long time. The only reason I was up early today is because my Ambien pooped out on me. Sleeping too much makes me really draggy though. This is much better than going for four nights or more without significant sleep like I used to. I do not cry easily, but I believe it's the med (Effexor) I'm on. It takes a real lot to make me cry now.
I was diagnosed with both at the whopping age of 18 believe it or not. I haven't had an issue with depression since then, but I have bouts with anxiety. I don't have attacks like I did when I was young fortunately. At that age I had no idea what anxiety was. It was the knowledge itself that helped me manage mine. It was like an epiphany when I realized what was going on. Up until that point, I had completely isolated myself for appx. 1 year as a result of the anxiety attacks. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I do feel fortunate however that I dealt with it at such a young age. Some say, everyone deals with it at some point in there life.
I think I had depression all my life off and on, but it was only diagnosed when I had a significant loss in my life (ended up in the hospital that time). I'm glad you got help early, Grande. I only had anxiety attacks once in my life, about 5 years ago, but would not wish that on anyone either. I really thought I would die.
Tam5115
03-28-2008, 12:04 PM
Yes, I can relate to the insomnia and sleeping a long time. The only reason I was up early today is because my Ambien pooped out on me. Sleeping too much makes me really draggy though. This is much better than going for four nights or more without significant sleep like I used to. I do not cry easily, but I believe it's the med (Effexor) I'm on. It takes a real lot to make me cry now.
Oh yeah, when I was on Zoloft and Trazodone (traz for a sleep aid as it works for that too although it's also an anti-depressant) I was smooth sailing! I'm hoping to be able to stay off the meds but it does seem like I may need to rethink that. I see things coming back that I seem to have no control over.
I just hate to admit defeat though and I'm fighting like mad.
Cat,
Thank you for starting this group. I would like to join you here too. A group based on this topic requires an element of trust among the posters, IMO, and I'm so pleased to see that some of our most thoughtful posters have already joined in.
(SNIPPED)
Look forward to learning from all.
So glad you are joining us, animallady. Yes, I think this is a great group of posters. It also feels safe, because I know the moderators would not let anyone come on here and diss any of us for mental illness. I am glad you are getting the help you need. I currently only see my regular medical provider, who I trust completely, no therapist. I talk to a few special friends and church members (one is a therapist actually) when I need to talk.
KittyMom
03-28-2008, 12:07 PM
I was diagnosed with both at the whopping age of 18 believe it or not. I haven't had an issue with depression since then, but I have bouts with anxiety. I don't have attacks like I did when I was young fortunately. At that age I had no idea what anxiety was. It was the knowledge itself that helped me manage mine. It was like an epiphany when I realized what was going on. Up until that point, I had completely isolated myself for appx. 1 year as a result of the anxiety attacks. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I do feel fortunate however that I dealt with it at such a young age. Some say, everyone deals with it at some point in there life.
Mine started with anxiety. I was working three jobs and in school full time. I remember being on the canned isle of the grocery store and feeling like the isle was closing in on me. I literally ran out of the store. I thought I was going crazy. I certainly didn't tell anyone what was happening. But, God blessed me with a friend who saw a problem. I really think the depression came from trying to cope with the anxiety. And it doesn't help that I'm a type A personality.
:serious: Hi. My name is KittyMom and I'm anal.
Tam5115
03-28-2008, 12:20 PM
Mine started with anxiety. I was working three jobs and in school full time. I remember being on the canned isle of the grocery store and feeling like the isle was closing in on me. I literally ran out of the store. I thought I was going crazy. I certainly didn't tell anyone what was happening. But, God blessed me with a friend who saw a problem. I really think the depression came from trying to cope with the anxiety. And it doesn't help that I'm a type A personality.
:serious: Hi. My name is KittyMom and I'm anal.
Good Lord! Three jobs AND school? No wonder you had anxiety!
I've had both, and the worst case scenario of anxiety. My panic attacks were so bad it was like living in hell. I was absolutely paralyzed by them and still vividly remember how bad it was :thud2: It was my sister who got me the help I needed. She also has panic disorder and it's really a maintenance deal, you gotta try to know the signs and hope you don't let it get too far. (Yeah Tam, take your own advice!) :grin:
I guess I should weigh in here, too. In some sense, I think I've had depression all my life. In my 20s, doctors started giving me things like Valium, which only depressed me more.
Finally, in my 30s, after seeing a therapist, I was diagnosed with an acute chemical imbalance, that I've probably had all my life. It took a whopping 250mg per day dose of Elavil to get it under control.
Since then, I've been on Paxil, and a dosage of 60 mg per day seems to keep me pretty well leveled out. There are times, though, that the depression still overides the meds, and I'm really down for days at a time, then it seems to level out again.
I've tried going off my meds (slowly, with my doctor's help), but it just doesn't work for me. I'm a mess. So, I've accepted this illness, and try my best to overcome it. On days when I can't, I just stay to myself, because I'm not fit company for anyone else.
If it takes meds for the rest of my life, I'll take them happily. Because without them, I have no life at all.
Roamer, I was on Paxil up until last year in June. It just kind of quit on me, and I was hanging on by a thread. I got changed to the Effexor, and so far, that is working great. Weaning off never takes with me anymore either. When I was younger, I could go off of Prosac and back on when I got depressed again (mostly SAD syndrome then). Now, it seems I have to take it all the time. I wish I didn't have to be dependent on pills, but I feel the same as you do. It just takes the medicine to live, as it does with blood pressure medicine or insulin. :love0085:
Is alarming news...about Singulair which is used for asthma and allergies.
Chronic use of this is leading to depression and suicide for some patients.
http://www.webmd.com/asthma/news/20080327/fda-checks-into-singulair-suicide-risk?src=rss_cbsnews
I wonder if this is what led to my depression last winter? I was on Singulair daily for workplace induced allergies (drug dust). I am not taking it now.
I used light therapy last spring, and all this season, with success. Didn't need antidepressants for it.
Histamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain, and if Singulair blocks brain levels of it too much it might be interfering with normal neurotransmitter functions at the receptors. We'll see if this pans out with further research.
I heard about that, Topaz. That is sad news. They get drugs that help one condition and causes another.
Oh yeah, when I was on Zoloft and Trazodone (traz for a sleep aid as it works for that too although it's also an anti-depressant) I was smooth sailing! I'm hoping to be able to stay off the meds but it does seem like I may need to rethink that. I see things coming back that I seem to have no control over.
I just hate to admit defeat though and I'm fighting like mad.
Tam, we ALL hate to admit defeat, which is why sometimes we wait too long to get help. I agree with Roamer, use the medicine if you need to. That is what it is there for. A lovely lady (also a minister) once told me, "God works through medicine, too."
Tam5115
03-28-2008, 12:42 PM
Tam, we ALL hate to admit defeat, which is why sometimes we wait too long to get help. I agree with Roamer, use the medicine if you need to. That is what it is there for. A lovely lady (also a minister) once told me, "God works through medicine, too."
Oh I totally agree and by joining this thread I was trying to confront the truth of me right now. I need to do something soon because I see how it's falling apart on me again.
My doctor left though and now I have that added anxiety of going to someone new. It's really hard to do and I want to thank all of you... It's easier with every post here to talk about things and see them clearer.
Oooh, am I making a complete butt of myself? :a1chic:
Roamer
03-28-2008, 12:45 PM
LOL here. Since an administrator and a moderator have both added to this thread, you can be sure we aren't going to let anyone come in and trash it. BUT, if we miss something, please report the post to us right away.
THanks, and good luck to everyone who shares this illness.
Grande
03-28-2008, 03:16 PM
I hope this open line of communication will help everyone come to terms with their illness or percieved illness(es). I found that living in 'daytight compartments' worked best for me when I had little hope. I stopped worrying about tomorrow and yesterday and lived for today.
For those of you that deal with these issues, please know that there are people here that care :22wink:
Oh I totally agree and by joining this thread I was trying to confront the truth of me right now. I need to do something soon because I see how it's falling apart on me again.
My doctor left though and now I have that added anxiety of going to someone new. It's really hard to do and I want to thank all of you... It's easier with every post here to talk about things and see them clearer.
Oooh, am I making a complete butt of myself? :a1chic:
Absolutely not, Tam. You are fine. I know it is hard to meet someone new, especially a physician, but you will be fine. :love0085:
I hope this open line of communication will help everyone come to terms with their illness or percieved illness(es). I found that living in 'daytight compartments' worked best for me when I had little hope. I stopped worrying about tomorrow and yesterday and lived for today.
For those of you that deal with these issues, please know that there are people here that care :22wink:
Thank you. I came to terms with it quite a while ago, Grande. I try to always live one day at a time (sometimes a hour at a time), but sometimes the uncertain future creeps up on me. That is when I get anxious.
animallady
03-28-2008, 07:03 PM
[QUOTE=Tam5115;170439]
<snipped>
My doctor left though and now I have that added anxiety of going to someone new.
<snipped>
Tam, you are so right about the new doctor thing! When is your appointment? Unfortunately I've lost a great deal of the respect and trust I gave to our physicians for years beginning in childhood. I guess that I now go to each first appointment with a new doctor with "guarded optimism". Thursday of last week I had a first appointment with my psychiatrist. My former retired as of Jan 1. It was a good appointment. I hope yours will be too. Please update us.
:happy0207:
Roamer
03-28-2008, 07:06 PM
I had the same problem about a year ago. My doctor had surgery on both knees and he just couldn't do the office thing anymore. I really dreaded going to a new one, but a woman took over his practice, and I like her so much! Maybe you'll get lucky this time, too. :)
FLYSODA
03-29-2008, 02:54 PM
I've had depression since childhood. then as I turned into a teen, I became bipolar. I've delt with this all my life. and the horrors of home life. I started seeing a therapist named piper for 5 years. she turned me on to a lot of good books. I got a good shrink. went through my trials with trying every pill out there. some made me fat. which was real depressing. cause my normal weight for my size is 105 and I ballooned up to 160. It never occured to me to asked the shrink for something different that didn't put the weight on. Finally, I did. He took me off seroquel and thorazine and put me on Geodon and in 2 months I was back down to 104. Geodon makes food taste like card board. so I don't have much of a appitite. But Piper was at a lost with me. I didn't know this. She went to a Psychotherapist named Dr. Stan ( as I call him) and told him she didn't know how to help me. That she had never heard such abuse in her life and she didn't think she could reach the core problem. So, I was passed on to Stan the Man. when I first met him, I kinda laughed to myself. He looked just like Frued (sp) He wore suspenders holding up his pants, with his shirt untucked in the back, and when he sat, he crossed his legs which showed his white hairless veiny legs cause his socks were rumpled around his ankles. and he usually had food on his shirt. His office was messy with books all over the floor, and knick nacs that other patients made for him. I liked him right away. we had a lot in common. I told him everything and he understood. and when I was hospitalized the 5 times He came and saw me. except for the last time. I was arrested at the hospital and drove to a mental ward I had never seen before. I was stripped searched, I had to take my clip out of my hair. It was more like a jail. and the people in there were all felons. truly crazy people. Off the streets. I was in there for 3 months. the state had taken my rights away. I had to go court. and lost. and I didn't even shave my head! If I were Britney, I would have simply gone home. But, I guess my point is, that my first therapist just got rid of me. she never said goodbye. or offered an explaination. It was because my experiences were too much for her to handle. which brings me to the Acohol,depression,abuse,and something else thread. I was told by the people on these threads, that you could spill your heart out and people would understand. that you make new friends on these threads. that u get support. well, I wrote something something about abuse while everyone else was talking about being sober.the thread was going along fine. after I posted. It stopped. dead. no one has posted a thing since I wrote what I did. It said "abuse" in the topic. so I wrote in my heart what was bothering me. and nothing. the thread stopped. like my therapist stopped seeing me cause I was too heavy. I thought you could talk on here? spill your guts. but, I stopped a whole thread. where are these supportive people at? they posted right above me. so I thought it was ok. talk about being depressed after that. I can't erase it. can any of you tell me why no one will post undernieth me? am I that scary?
Roamer
03-29-2008, 03:02 PM
I don't know which thread you're talking about, Fly, but maybe they just didn't know what to say or how to relate to your experiences.
Sometimes we think we're in pretty bad shape, until we hear about someone much worse off than we are.
I'm sorry for what you went through. :1222423:
lost indie
03-29-2008, 03:09 PM
I've had depression since childhood. then as I turned into a teen, I became bipolar. I've delt with this all my life. and the horrors of home life. I started seeing a therapist named piper for 5 years. she turned me on to a lot of good books. I got a good shrink. went through my trials with trying every pill out there. some made me fat. which was real depressing. cause my normal weight for my size is 105 and I ballooned up to 160. It never occured to me to asked the shrink for something different that didn't put the weight on. Finally, I did. He took me off seroquel and thorazine and put me on Geodon and in 2 months I was back down to 104. Geodon makes food taste like card board. so I don't have much of a appitite. But Piper was at a lost with me. I didn't know this. She went to a Psychotherapist named Dr. Stan ( as I call him) and told him she didn't know how to help me. That she had never heard such abuse in her life and she didn't think she could reach the core problem. So, I was passed on to Stan the Man. when I first met him, I kinda laughed to myself. He looked just like Frued (sp) He wore suspenders holding up his pants, with his shirt untucked in the back, and when he sat, he crossed his legs which showed his white hairless veiny legs cause his socks were rumpled around his ankles. and he usually had food on his shirt. His office was messy with books all over the floor, and knick nacs that other patients made for him. I liked him right away. we had a lot in common. I told him everything and he understood. and when I was hospitalized the 5 times He came and saw me. except for the last time. I was arrested at the hospital and drove to a mental ward I had never seen before. I was stripped searched, I had to take my clip out of my hair. It was more like a jail. and the people in there were all felons. truly crazy people. Off the streets. I was in there for 3 months. the state had taken my rights away. I had to go court. and lost. and I didn't even shave my head! If I were Britney, I would have simply gone home. But, I guess my point is, that my first therapist just got rid of me. she never said goodbye. or offered an explaination. It was because my experiences were too much for her to handle. which brings me to the Acohol,depression,abuse,and something else thread. I was told by the people on these threads, that you could spill your heart out and people would understand. that you make new friends on these threads. that u get support. well, I wrote something something about abuse while everyone else was talking about being sober.the thread was going along fine. after I posted. It stopped. dead. no one has posted a thing since I wrote what I did. It said "abuse" in the topic. so I wrote in my heart what was bothering me. and nothing. the thread stopped. like my therapist stopped seeing me cause I was too heavy. I thought you could talk on here? spill your guts. but, I stopped a whole thread. where are these supportive people at? they posted right above me. so I thought it was ok. talk about being depressed after that. I can't erase it. can any of you tell me why no one will post undernieth me? am I that scary?
You're not scary at all flysoda..
:0012:
We're all here to support each other. I have my story too...but not the time to write it right now. Why were you arrested? That breaks my heart.
Oh...ugggg the weight gain. I went from a tall thin 120 to 200 in a matter of a couple months. I stopped eating and went into dehydration convulsions. Talk about being depressed.
But...stay with us. We're all in the same boat here..
:girl_haha:
Roamer
03-29-2008, 03:12 PM
The Elavil made me gain about 30 lbs. That's when I asked for something else. :girl_haha:
......respectfully snipped for space.....
can any of you tell me why no one will post undernieth me? am I that scary?
I don't know about anyone else, Fly, but in my case I just needed to digest what you said and try to think of the right thing to say. You didn't scare me off, I just didn't want to have a knee-jerk reaction and post something really stupid.
-------------------------->>>>PatC off to post there now.... stupid or not.
lost indie
03-29-2008, 03:16 PM
The Elavil made me gain about 30 lbs. That's when I asked for something else. :girl_haha:
My weight gain came from lithium. I hated that drug. The weight fell off when I stopped it.
I am on Cymbalta now and it has made me an entirely new person. My only complaint now is that I don't cry. I know that sounds odd...but I have always been a crier. My niece's dog recently died. I didn't call her because I wouldn't cry. My heart broke for her....don't get me wrong. I just couldn't cry.
Roamer
03-29-2008, 03:40 PM
Indie, please don't feel bad. Many of the anti-depressants have that effect on some people. I don't cry as much as I used to, but when something really upsets me, I still do.
Indie, please don't feel bad. Many of the anti-depressants have that effect on some people. I don't cry as much as I used to, but when something really upsets me, I still do.
I am the same, Roamer. It takes a real lot to make me cry, and lately my life has made me cry lots of days.
We will talk to you here. Your stories make me want to cry, but I am here to support you, my friend. :love0085:
Tam5115
03-29-2008, 06:54 PM
First chance today I've had to get here. As usual, I hid in bed most of the day.
I haven't made an appointment yet but have to on Monday. I hope I don't have to wait too long to see someone, but we'll see.
:love0085: to Fly. It sounds like you've really been through a lot!
packy
03-29-2008, 07:11 PM
Yes, Fly, it sure does seem overwhelming what you've been through. And you're not scary at all. Hang with us. Everyone here has got so much going on myself included, and if talking about it helps then that's a good thing. I don't take any meds, but probably should except I'm afraid of them but then I'm afraid of everything. Hahaaa. I'm laughing but it's serious, and I worry a lot but don't do the right thing to correct anything I guess so I can keep worrying. Talk about a loser I think it's me. But the laughing helps me big time and I think it releases a chemical that perks me up if that makes any sense.
Cat, it was a great idea to start this thread. It is always helpful to share feeling, ideas and knowledge that might help any of us.
Roamer
03-29-2008, 07:32 PM
Packy, bite your tongue!! You are NOT a loser!!! I've known you too long to ever let you get away with saying that, missy! :mad:
Yes, Fly, it sure does seem overwhelming what you've been through. And you're not scary at all. Hang with us. Everyone here has got so much going on myself included, and if talking about it helps then that's a good thing. I don't take any meds, but probably should except I'm afraid of them but then I'm afraid of everything. Hahaaa. I'm laughing but it's serious, and I worry a lot but don't do the right thing to correct anything I guess so I can keep worrying. Talk about a loser I think it's me. But the laughing helps me big time and I think it releases a chemical that perks me up if that makes any sense.
Cat, it was a great idea to start this thread. It is always helpful to share feeling, ideas and knowledge that might help any of us.
Thank you, packy. You are NOT a loser. Most of us who take medications for depression and other mental disorders literally could not live without them. You must be doing something right. :love0085:
I have been "on" bupropion hydrochloride (Wellbutrin®) for a couple of years now. Only 150mg but I definitely can tell when I forget to take it for a couple of days. When I first started taking it and read the literature that came with my first prescription, I read, "Bupropion can cause weight loss in some people." (or something like that) and thought, "Woohoo! that'd be great." Did I get that side effect? Noooooo, not me. As a matter of fact, I don't seem to have any negative side effects from it.
One article I had read when researching depression and possible meds before I talked to a doctor indicated that Wellbutrin seemed to help with someone wanting to stop smoking. Well, I have not actively tried to quit smoking but I have gone from a two pack a day smoker to about a pack a week -- and sometimes two weeks or more. No longer when I leave the house to go to work or shopping do I take my cigarette case with me. I've been known (frequently now) to "forget" to smoke for several days in a row now.
Sumanadevii
03-29-2008, 08:28 PM
Fly,
When someone has experienced the level of trauma that you have experienced, it is hard for others to hear what took place. It is not that we are not compassionate toward the horrors you lived but because we want to push it away, too. We don't want to believe there is that kind of evil surrounding us.
I think when we begin our healing journey it is important that our stories are heard because many times we have been silenced. Sometimes we can't find the words to express those feelings. They are so deep and we continue to push them further back until we are not really sure what is wrong. It is probably why your counselor did not know how to approach the problem. Not all counselors are schooled in helping trauma victims. My advise would be to find a trauma center where the approach is working on the whole person. Make sure they are qualified to work with PTSD. Don't be afraid to ask questions.
My last suggestion is something that was very helpful to me. I took an old coat and made a "cloak of courage". Inside I pinned symbols of the different things that had been done to my body (This was all before the age of 17..My life began at that age and what a wonderful one I was given!). It can be as simple as using permanent markers on the lining or penning notes inside. When I finished that coat and opened it, I could finally understand the amount of harm done. It is a good visual for us. We begin to understand..."ahhh..that is why I am responding like this!". We know then, we have a reason to be "crazy" while healing. (Buy a nice big long one! Try Goodwill)
I wish everyone on this board healing. :1222423:
Tam5115
03-29-2008, 08:33 PM
I have been "on" bupropion hydrochloride (Wellbutrin®) for a couple of years now. Only 150mg but I definitely can tell when I forget to take it for a couple of days. When I first started taking it and read the literature that came with my first prescription, I read, "Bupropion can cause weight loss in some people." (or something like that) and thought, "Woohoo! that'd be great." Did I get that side effect? Noooooo, not me. As a matter of fact, I don't seem to have any negative side effects from it.
One article I had read when researching depression and possible meds before I talked to a doctor indicated that Wellbutrin seemed to help with someone wanting to stop smoking. Well, I have not actively tried to quit smoking but I have gone from a two pack a day smoker to about a pack a week -- and sometimes two weeks or more. No longer when I leave the house to go to work or shopping do I take my cigarette case with me. I've been known (frequently now) to "forget" to smoke for several days in a row now.
Wow, I would love to forget to smoke! That's another issue I want to talk to a doctor about. I have such a horrible cough and want to quit so bad. It's like when I say to myself, just cut down at least, I smoke more! It's ridiculous.
And then the weight! When I was on Zoloft, I lost weight because I was able to focus and to get a routine going of exercise, etc... but when I'm "sick" I have no metabolism at all and my weight just balloons. That doesn't help the depression side of things either. :lex_10:
Texas53
03-29-2008, 09:24 PM
I've been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress. My mother was schitzophrenic and back in the 1960's even through the 1980's no one would discuss mental illness. Anyway, she was ok if she stayed on meds. But when I was a child, she would beat me and she chased my dad with a loaded gun. Back then she was not on meds and just got worse. I guess my dad didn't know what to do back then. He would leave me alone with her I guess because he thought she wouldn't hurt me. I wish I could remember my mother other than my abuser, but I can't. I never heard her official diagnosis until 2002. I've taken Cymbalta, Zoloft (in the 1980's), tried Wellbutrin, but was allergic to it and now am on Effexor XR 300 mg. My childhood until I could get away from my mother was hell. Once I left, I never looked back.
Of the 6 siblings of my mother's, 3 were schitzophrenic. One cousin of mine got hit by that bullet. Luckily, it didn't find me.
In some ways, I think kids have it worse today. The abuse some children have makes what I got seem like nothing.
Claudia
03-29-2008, 09:35 PM
Yes, Fly, it sure does seem overwhelming what you've been through. And you're not scary at all. Hang with us. Everyone here has got so much going on myself included, and if talking about it helps then that's a good thing. I don't take any meds, but probably should except I'm afraid of them but then I'm afraid of everything. Hahaaa. I'm laughing but it's serious, and I worry a lot but don't do the right thing to correct anything I guess so I can keep worrying. Talk about a loser I think it's me. But the laughing helps me big time and I think it releases a chemical that perks me up if that makes any sense.
Cat, it was a great idea to start this thread. It is always helpful to share feeling, ideas and knowledge that might help any of us.
packy, I think you & I should talk. Sounds like you just described me in this post. I'd give anything to talk to someone that can understand what I go through.
Grins
03-29-2008, 10:54 PM
I am a Rolls Royce but if I am in a swamp, I do not run well.
I find out what is in my swamp and get rid of it.
My swamp was guilt for my dad's drinking and parents fighting. I was 6.
Was it my fault=no
Did I believe it was=yes
Was guilt there 50 years later=yes
I looked in a mirror and said that belief was wrong and I was a kid.
Swamp began to vanish; other stuff in there so I work on it~
Driving my life much better now.
Texas53
03-30-2008, 02:06 PM
In many ways, each generation hands off baggage to the next generation. And so on, etc. IMO
In many ways, each generation hands off baggage to the next generation. And so on, etc. IMO
That is very true, Texas. But we have choices we can make.
At some point we can decide for ourselves that enough is enough. This is not making me happy so I'm not going to do it any more. It isn't always easy and some times we need help doing it, but it CAN be done.
I have a great deal of faith in that.
Texas53
03-30-2008, 02:27 PM
That is very true, Texas. But we have choices we can make.
At some point we can decide for ourselves that enough is enough. This is not making me happy so I'm not going to do it any more. It isn't always easy and some times we need help doing it, but it CAN be done.
I have a great deal of faith in that.
As a child, you can't make choices. You don't have the legal rights. That was what I went through. By the time I got away, it was so ingrained in me that I was no good, not worth anything, etc., and my mother's family fed me that same crap, that because I had not had any help, it ruined many of my relationships as an adult. I made wrong choices in husbands because I thought my life as a child was normal and the way I saw adults, especially the violence of my mother towards my dad and me, that was the way it was supposed to be. Family members knew what was going on. But no one would help me. Finally, when I totally broke away from my mother years later (my dad died when I was 12), I finished HS and got away in marriage #1, I then was old enough to start making choices. #1 died in a car accident. Then I married #2, he had his own demons with his own upbringing. When I got out of this marriage, at least I had a good job, could take care of myself, and get the medical help I needed.
In terms of baggage being passed down, each parent puts on their children something from their childhood. It might be how they say things or what they say, or how overly regimental they might be, or how abusive they may be to their children. (i.e. verbally or physically). The parents may not have gotten help or it been available and their child moves on and the cycle can continue. IMO
As a child, you can't make choices. You don't have the legal rights. That was what I went through. By the time I got away, it was so ingrained in me that I was no good, not worth anything, etc., and my mother's family fed me that same crap, that because I had not had any help, it ruined many of my relationships as an adult. I made wrong choices in husbands because I thought my life as a child was normal and the way I saw adults, especially the violence of my mother towards my dad and me, that was the way it was supposed to be. Family members knew what was going on. But no one would help me. Finally, when I totally broke away from my mother years later (my dad died when I was 12), I finished HS and got away in marriage #1, I then was old enough to start making choices. #1 died in a car accident. Then I married #2, he had his own demons with his own upbringing. When I got out of this marriage, at least I had a good job, could take care of myself, and get the medical help I needed.
In terms of baggage being passed down, each parent puts on their children something from their childhood. It might be how they say things or what they say, or how overly regimental they might be, or how abusive they may be to their children. (i.e. verbally or physically). The parents may not have gotten help or it been available and their child moves on and the cycle can continue. IMO
I'm so glad things are better for you now. I hope you know I didn't mean to belittle the hardships of children with parents like your mother.... or Fly's... or any number of others. I am well aware too that not all abuse is physical. Damage just as lasting can be done by hurtful words and cold attitudes. I was simply pointing out that what you obviously did, can be done. I don't want anyone who reads here to give up. We can all say to ourselves, "This pattern stops HERE."
:1222423:
Texas53
03-30-2008, 03:23 PM
Pat, I didn't take it that way at all. I was just putting out another situation. I enjoying posting with you and you bring up many good points and issue on subjects. :)
I am a Rolls Royce but if I am in a swamp, I do not run well.
I find out what is in my swamp and get rid of it.
My swamp was guilt for my dad's drinking and parents fighting. I was 6.
Was it my fault=no
Did I believe it was=yes
Was guilt there 50 years later=yes
I looked in a mirror and said that belief was wrong and I was a kid.
Swamp began to vanish; other stuff in there so I work on it~
Driving my life much better now.
Thanks, Grins. That says it so well. My parents didn't drink, and they were really good parents compared to a lot I've heard of. They loved us, but that doesn't mean they did everything right. I didn't do everything right with my daughter either. There are things in my past life I have felt guilt for for many years, but I have forgiven myself now. I have a flashback once in a while, but doing better driving my life, too. :love0085:
Texas, I am so sad that you went through that, and I am glad that you are helping yourself and moving on. We can't change the past, but we can make a different future. :love0085:
lost indie
03-30-2008, 04:31 PM
I am a Rolls Royce but if I am in a swamp, I do not run well.
I find out what is in my swamp and get rid of it.
My swamp was guilt for my dad's drinking and parents fighting. I was 6.
Was it my fault=no
Did I believe it was=yes
Was guilt there 50 years later=yes
I looked in a mirror and said that belief was wrong and I was a kid.
Swamp began to vanish; other stuff in there so I work on it~
Driving my life much better now.
You, Grins, are a true treasure.
:attention::attention::attention:
FLYSODA
03-30-2008, 04:33 PM
thank you all for your replys. I wasn't really expecting any when I signed on today. I got some really good advice from some of you. I read every word. one person asked why I was arrested? well, I tried committing suicide and my husband found me the next day at 10:00 AM, I took a bottle of seroquel and some xanax with pain killers the night before with a pint of whisky. and fell asleep on the couch downstairs with the tv on. so these pills had time to disolve in my system for over 11 hours. my husband tried calling me from work and I didn't answer. so he came home and found me barely breathing. He called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. where I stayed over a week. The seroquel swelled my legs up real bad. I couldn't feel them or walk on them. I had to have a person in the room with me 24 hrs at all times. when I was ready to check out, the cops show up and arrest me, handcuff me, put me in the squad car and drove me to the mental ward. that was more like a jail. there was nothing anyone could do about it. I was under arrest. I had to go to court and plead for my sanity which I lost. thus, the 3 months plus more if I hadn't complained about my shrink I was appointed. all he wanted to talk about was my sex life. finally I made a complaint at the front desk. the next day I was released. they couldn't get me out of there fast enough. I got my stuff and waited outside the place for a taxi. I was put on probation for 3 years. if I messed up again, I go up state to the state hospital for 3 years. My probation is over and I've changed my meds for the better. I'm on cymbalta too. and celexa. plus geodon. then for sleep I take ambien, clonapin, xanax,. I take during the day dexadrine spanuals time release. for add. and hyperactivity. which takes my highs away. I suffer from ptsd, bipolar, and disasociation disorder. because of the ptsd I disasociate. that's what my doctors really worry about. because I lose time. days. a month. when something horrible is happening to me, I just go somewhere else in my mind, I can't feel, or see, or care what is happening to me. Just that it get over so I can go back to normal. I remember the offence later. I always remember. but can't deal with it while it is happening. I get triggered sometimes that bring on my disasociation. I'll wake up really depressed and disoriented. I know a lot of you know what I mean. Like I read texas' post about her mother. I can totally understand where she's coming from. I can only imagine the horror she went through. Your supposed to be protected by your parents when your a kid. not abused to death by them. and back in our time, we didn't have social workers who came to your house to see how the kids were being treated. I wished they did back then. we would have been taken away so fast it wouldn't be funny. But mental illness is something serious to think about. I will have to stay on my meds the rest of my life. I can't miss a day. I wish I didn't have to take anything. but I tried once and went totally out of control. so, I then realized I can't ever go off anything. I read everyone posts, I feel for all of you that have depression, bipolar, drinking, or whatever in your past that hurt you so bad that we are still traumatized over them. therapy is good. I been in therapy 20 years. and I still can't control all my emotions. but,I'm trying. thanks to everyone who wrote me back. I appreciate it. I just want to know I'm not the only one rowing alone here. thank you. thank you all...........................
Thanks for coming back to us. We're here for you ....... and each other, like Grins said.
Tam5115
03-30-2008, 08:00 PM
After hearing about what Fly and Texas have gone through, I feel lucky even in my illness.
My parents were always reluctant to speak of mental illness and they were embarassed of it existing in our family, past or present. It was as though we should be ashamed of something we had no control over. They wouldn't want us to feel ashamed if we had cancer or diabetes, would they?
I was hoping I'd be able to maintain without meds, but I'm seeing the warning signs.
Grins
03-30-2008, 09:08 PM
After hearing about what Fly and Texas have gone through, I feel lucky even in my illness.
My parents were always reluctant to speak of mental illness and they were embarassed of it existing in our family, past or present. It was as though we should be ashamed of something we had no control over. They wouldn't want us to feel ashamed if we had cancer or diabetes, would they?
I was hoping I'd be able to maintain without meds, but I'm seeing the warning signs.
Excellent points Tam and all of the posters here. We know about this illness first hand and all the misunderstandings about it.
Getting better though.
Most important is that we keep learning about treatment options and about how we function.
I listen to what I am thinking now.
Did you ever keep a journal of what you have been thinking and make an entry each hour?
I dare ya !
DDawg
03-31-2008, 01:52 PM
interesting article....
Depression May Be Contagious, Experts Say
An Individual's Mood May Affect That of Loved Ones
"Spouses are at high risk for depression when one party has a clinical disorder like depression or bipolar disorder, because they spend a large amount of time with them and are emotionally invested in their well-being."
more at link: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/Story?id=4539059&page=1
Excellent points Tam and all of the posters here. We know about this illness first hand and all the misunderstandings about it.
Getting better though.
Most important is that we keep learning about treatment options and about how we function.
I listen to what I am thinking now.
Did you ever keep a journal of what you have been thinking and make an entry each hour?
I dare ya !
I would be scared to some days, Grins, but I have had a gratitude journal. I need to start writing in that every day again. My counselor/therapist years ago always recommended writing "a gratitude list." It helps me.
KittyMom
03-31-2008, 02:45 PM
I'll throw a little something else in the mix. Hormones. I've tried for years to tell my doc that my problems are closely associated with my hormones. If we had the reasearch done on female hormones that is done on male impotence and hair growth, we'd see lots of our problems solved. Everytime I see a viagra commercial on tv I want to throw something at the screen. :nonono:
I'll throw a little something else in the mix. Hormones. I've tried for years to tell my doc that my problems are closely associated with my hormones. If we had the research done on female hormones that is done on male impotence and hair growth, we'd see lots of our problems solved. Every time I see a Viagra commercial on tv I want to throw something at the screen. :nonono:
I SOOOOOOO agree with you KittyMom.
Grins
03-31-2008, 05:45 PM
I'll throw a little something else in the mix. Hormones. I've tried for years to tell my doc that my problems are closely associated with my hormones. If we had the reasearch done on female hormones that is done on male impotence and hair growth, we'd see lots of our problems solved. Everytime I see a viagra commercial on tv I want to throw something at the screen. :nonono:Hello and WELCOME KITTYMOM!!
:happy0207:
You are right and it is a shame.
Relevant material here:
Biological Causes of Depression
...
"Limbic System
Those who research clinical depression have been interested in a particular part of the brain called the limbic system. This is the area of the brain that regulates activities such as emotions, physical and sexual drives, and the stress response. There are various structures of the limbic system that are of particular importance. The hypothalamus is a small structure located at the base of the brain. It is responsible for many basic functions such as body temperature, sleep, appetite, sexual drive, stress reaction, and the regulation of other activities. The hypothalamus also controls the function of the pituitary gland which in turn regulates key hormones.,,"
http://www.allaboutdepression.com/cau_02.html
I'll throw a little something else in the mix. Hormones. I've tried for years to tell my doc that my problems are closely associated with my hormones. If we had the reasearch done on female hormones that is done on male impotence and hair growth, we'd see lots of our problems solved. Everytime I see a viagra commercial on tv I want to throw something at the screen. :nonono:
I change the channel or push the mute button.
packy
03-31-2008, 06:29 PM
packy, I think you & I should talk. Sounds like you just described me in this post. I'd give anything to talk to someone that can understand what I go through.
Just catching up here, and I probably would understand. I'd love to figure out why some of these feelings manifest. Anytime you feel up to it, pm or let your thoughts out here and maybe we can help each other.
packy
03-31-2008, 06:35 PM
As a child, you can't make choices. You don't have the legal rights. That was what I went through. By the time I got away, it was so ingrained in me that I was no good, not worth anything, etc., and my mother's family fed me that same crap, that because I had not had any help, it ruined many of my relationships as an adult. I made wrong choices in husbands because I thought my life as a child was normal and the way I saw adults, especially the violence of my mother towards my dad and me, that was the way it was supposed to be. Family members knew what was going on. But no one would help me. Finally, when I totally broke away from my mother years later (my dad died when I was 12), I finished HS and got away in marriage #1, I then was old enough to start making choices. #1 died in a car accident. Then I married #2, he had his own demons with his own upbringing. When I got out of this marriage, at least I had a good job, could take care of myself, and get the medical help I needed.
In terms of baggage being passed down, each parent puts on their children something from their childhood. It might be how they say things or what they say, or how overly regimental they might be, or how abusive they may be to their children. (i.e. verbally or physically). The parents may not have gotten help or it been available and their child moves on and the cycle can continue. IMO
As parents we don't always realize the impact of our words and actions, And I believe too that we can pass a lot of baggage onto our kids and maybe unintentionally. I'm surprised sometimes when my kids tell me things I've done or said that affected them negatively when I thought I was helping or protecting them. Interestingly, they seem to remember only the bad stuff. I was an over protective mom and it spoiled a lot of fun for them I know.
Noahs ARK
03-31-2008, 10:12 PM
I'll throw a little something else in the mix. Hormones. I've tried for years to tell my doc that my problems are closely associated with my hormones. If we had the reasearch done on female hormones that is done on male impotence and hair growth, we'd see lots of our problems solved. Everytime I see a viagra commercial on tv I want to throw something at the screen. :nonono:
THAT is one of the reasons I switched doctors. When I was in my late 30's, I started having peri-menopausal symptoms really, really bad. They were worse during peri-menopause than during the actual menopause itself.
My doctor didn't believe in any of the "hormone" theories and since I didn't agree with him, I switched doctors.
Claudia
03-31-2008, 10:23 PM
THAT is one of the reasons I switched doctors. When I was in my late 30's, I started having peri-menopausal symptoms really, really bad. They were worse during peri-menopause than during the actual menopause itself.
My doctor didn't believe in any of the "hormone" theories and since I didn't agree with him, I switched doctors.
What kind of symptoms were you having? If you don't mind me asking....
Suspicious I have a hormone issue & my doctor wouldn't check it.
THAT is one of the reasons I switched doctors. When I was in my late 30's, I started having peri-menopausal symptoms really, really bad. They were worse during peri-menopause than during the actual menopause itself.
My doctor didn't believe in any of the "hormone" theories and since I didn't agree with him, I switched doctors.
That happened to me when I was 40. The insomnia and depression (oh, and hot flashes) started. I mentioned that to my doctor, who said, "You're too young for that." Gave me drugs for depression. I WAS NOT too young for that I found out after I moved to another city, got advice from a nurse practitioner. My OB followed her suggestions about hormones, and I started doing better. It was still a battle for years though. I would never want to go through that again.
DDawg
04-01-2008, 05:04 PM
As a female, I much prefer having a female doctor. I believe they are better than male docs at understanding and identifying problems and issues having to do with being female.
jmo
Tam5115
04-01-2008, 05:13 PM
As a female, I much prefer having a female doctor. I believe they are better than male docs at understanding and identifying problems and issues having to do with being female.
jmo
I absolutely agree with that!
I also want a doctor that listens to me and doesn't try to tell me I'm not experiencing what I say I am. Nothing makes me angrier than a doctor that talks down to me. I know myself way better than they do!
Noahs ARK
04-01-2008, 09:58 PM
What kind of symptoms were you having? If you don't mind me asking....
Suspicious I have a hormone issue & my doctor wouldn't check it.
Serious mood swings. I could be laughing one minute and crying the next.
Night sweats - I would wake up drenched.
Hot flashes during the day.
Nightmares.
Skipped my period for 2-3-4 months at a time.
The doctor I switched to was a woman and she was wonderful! She did a hormone blood test, which didn't show anything, but she knew I was peri-menopausal.
I felt better once I knew what it was.
When I went thru menopause, the symptoms weren't nearly as bad. It was actually pretty easy.
Noahs ARK
04-01-2008, 10:04 PM
As a female, I much prefer having a female doctor. I believe they are better than male docs at understanding and identifying problems and issues having to do with being female.
jmo
ITA - I love my female doctor!!
Claudia
04-01-2008, 11:00 PM
Serious mood swings. I could be laughing one minute and crying the next.
Night sweats - I would wake up drenched.
Hot flashes during the day.
Nightmares.
Skipped my period for 2-3-4 months at a time.
The doctor I switched to was a woman and she was wonderful! She did a hormone blood test, which didn't show anything, but she knew I was peri-menopausal.
I felt better once I knew what it was.
When I went thru menopause, the symptoms weren't nearly as bad. It was actually pretty easy.
Okay, thanks. i don't have any of those going on yet - I have other things that I think are hormone related happening. I really need a new doctor.
and I wanted to share it on the board, but I couldn't figure out where to put it so I'm putting it here. It uplifts me, so maybe the depression board is the best place for it.
People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you;
Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend creating another could destroy overnight;
Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten;
Do good anyway.
Give the best that you have and it may never be enough;
Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God;
it was never between you and them anyway.
-- Mother Teresa
Excellent.... thanks for the post, Cat
Excellent.... thanks for the post, Cat
You're welcome, Pat. I just felt the need to share that today. I'm sure a lot of people have read it before.
KittyMom
04-02-2008, 09:39 PM
Hello and WELCOME KITTYMOM!!
:happy0207:
You are right and it is a shame.
Relevant material here:
Biological Causes of Depression
...
"Limbic System
Those who research clinical depression have been interested in a particular part of the brain called the limbic system. This is the area of the brain that regulates activities such as emotions, physical and sexual drives, and the stress response. There are various structures of the limbic system that are of particular importance. The hypothalamus is a small structure located at the base of the brain. It is responsible for many basic functions such as body temperature, sleep, appetite, sexual drive, stress reaction, and the regulation of other activities. The hypothalamus also controls the function of the pituitary gland which in turn regulates key hormones.,,"
http://www.allaboutdepression.com/cau_02.html
I've never been able to stay on the same birth control for more than a couple of years. My body adjusts to it. I also have problems with regulating my body temp. I'm comfortable in short sleeves when its cold enough that I can see my breath. I really think if a doc could chart my hormones they'd see that the anxiety, hot flashes, sleep problems and lack of appetite all correlate. Once I get started on the cycle, it only takes a couple of weeks and the depression is on me.
KittyMom
04-02-2008, 09:42 PM
THAT is one of the reasons I switched doctors. When I was in my late 30's, I started having peri-menopausal symptoms really, really bad. They were worse during peri-menopause than during the actual menopause itself.
My doctor didn't believe in any of the "hormone" theories and since I didn't agree with him, I switched doctors.
I actually had a female doc laugh at me when I told her that I thought I was starting menopause. She told me I was too young. And I believed her...for a while. I keep telling my hubby, if menopause is worse than what I feel now, he should go ahead and lock me up. :francis:
KittyMom
04-02-2008, 09:49 PM
Serious mood swings. I could be laughing one minute and crying the next.
Night sweats - I would wake up drenched.
Hot flashes during the day.
Nightmares.
Skipped my period for 2-3-4 months at a time.
The doctor I switched to was a woman and she was wonderful! She did a hormone blood test, which didn't show anything, but she knew I was peri-menopausal.
I felt better once I knew what it was.
When I went thru menopause, the symptoms weren't nearly as bad. It was actually pretty easy.
Before I had my uterus taken out, I would wake up 2 to 3 times a night with night sweats. I got so tired of changing the bedding and my clothes. My female doc told me that I needed to turn the air down. :71541:
I've learned that hot flashes will not go away whether you stand with your head in the freezer door or sit on top of the a/c vent.
I was just the opposite with my cycles. Old Flo decided to move in permanently. The witch would disappear for maybe a week every other month and then just when I was thinking she might stay away this time, here she came again.
Having a partial hys was the best thing I ever did. It hasn't gotten rid of all my problems but I'm not nearly as miserable as I used to be.
Before I had my uterus taken out, I would wake up 2 to 3 times a night with night sweats. I got so tired of changing the bedding and my clothes. My female doc told me that I needed to turn the air down. :71541:
I've learned that hot flashes will not go away whether you stand with your head in the freezer door or sit on top of the a/c vent.
I was just the opposite with my cycles. Old Flo decided to move in permanently. The witch would disappear for maybe a week every other month and then just when I was thinking she might stay away this time, here she came again.
Having a partial hys was the best thing I ever did. It hasn't gotten rid of all my problems but I'm not nearly as miserable as I used to be.
My hubby has said that if he'd know the improvement in my moods having a hysterectomy would have he'd have dragged me there years earlier. LOL
Grins
04-08-2008, 04:44 PM
My hubby has said that if he'd know the improvement in my moods having a hysterectomy would have he'd have dragged me there years earlier. LOL
:s1gyahoo:
PatC~ you are therapy!
Although I was inconceivable and unbearable, my remedy was to get surgery on my defects of character and buried rage.
Grins, you must be a 12-stepper. :)
Good to see you. I thought everyone was so depressed they decided not to post anymore. j/k
Claudia
04-08-2008, 08:58 PM
Grins, you must be a 12-stepper. :)
Good to see you. I thought everyone was so depressed they decided not to post anymore. j/k
:girl_haha:
I just haven't gotten the nerve up to really put it all out there yet, Cat. Eventually, maybe.
:girl_haha:
I just haven't gotten the nerve up to really put it all out there yet, Cat. Eventually, maybe.
I hope you do, Claudia. :love0085:
animallady
04-09-2008, 12:06 AM
:girl_haha:
I just haven't gotten the nerve up to really put it all out there yet, Cat. Eventually, maybe.
Claudia, you took those words right out of my mouth!!! I want to put "it" out there but having trouble getting "it" out. I'm not even sure what "it" is. It might be too ugly or too funny or too hard to hear. Guess I'm afraid of judgment; the unfavorable kind. :1187603408.CR.Mothe
Grins
04-09-2008, 03:52 PM
Grins, you must be a 12-stepper. :)
Good to see you. I thought everyone was so depressed they decided not to post anymore. j/kHi Cat Animallady and Claudia!!
Yup I am a proud 12 stepper and I learned my recovery depends upon my honest searching of my beliefs, thinking, feelings and behavior.
I cannot have unhealthy and false beliefs and change my behavior.
Depression for me was buried rage turned inward.
I had to lance the boils and it hurts but makes me well.
Claudia
04-09-2008, 04:16 PM
Hi Cat Animallady and Claudia!!
Yup I am a proud 12 stepper and I learned my recovery depends upon my honest searching of my beliefs, thinking, feelings and behavior.
I cannot have unhealthy and false beliefs and change my behavior.
Depression for me was buried rage turned inward.
I had to lance the boils and it hurts but makes me well.
Hi Grins! http://bestsmileys.com/waving/3.gif
I wonder sometimes if my problems aren't caused by my anger at someone else that was never expressed. I have several unresolved issues from my younger days. I try to forget about things that have happened to me, and it seems most of the time I have forgotten, but I know there is a reason I won't let anyone close to me. Just not sure which or what or who caused it, ya know? Also have no idea what to do to fix it. I have resolved myself to living my life not being too close to anyone.
animallady
04-09-2008, 05:06 PM
Hi Grins & Claudia,
Grins, I've been reading your posts for quite some time now, and appreciate your generosity of spirit. You've shared so much of yourself for the benefit of others. I wish I had some of that same selflessness in me. I've always had difficulty talking about myself except in the most frivolous manner. For some reason it feels safe here, and I thought I might stick the "big toe in the water".
When I decide to get this Rx for Chantix filled and quit the smoking, I'll use the "12 Steps" too. I've attended many AA meeting with my father and a couple of friends, and still have a box-full of literature. Now, if I were being really honest I would have said "IF I decide to...quit smoking". My step-mother recently gave all of my father's coins to his fav group; 20 years worth.
Claudia,
Your post reminds me of me. I realize that there is certain level of loneliness inherent in my kind of solitude. It feels comfortable now, but I worry that it will sour on me as I grow older.
Thank you, both, for posting.
:happy0207:
Claudia, you took those words right out of my mouth!!! I want to put "it" out there but having trouble getting "it" out. I'm not even sure what "it" is. It might be too ugly or too funny or too hard to hear. Guess I'm afraid of judgment; the unfavorable kind. :1187603408.CR.Mothe
No judgment here, animallady. :love0085:
Hi Cat Animallady and Claudia!!
Yup I am a proud 12 stepper and I learned my recovery depends upon my honest searching of my beliefs, thinking, feelings and behavior.
I cannot have unhealthy and false beliefs and change my behavior.
Depression for me was buried rage turned inward.
I had to lance the boils and it hurts but makes me well.
We all have had things that are hard to look at (like past stupidity), but acknowledging it and "changing the things we can" make us better people. Grins :love0085:
Hi Grins! http://bestsmileys.com/waving/3.gif
I wonder sometimes if my problems aren't caused by my anger at someone else that was never expressed. I have several unresolved issues from my younger days. I try to forget about things that have happened to me, and it seems most of the time I have forgotten, but I know there is a reason I won't let anyone close to me. Just not sure which or what or who caused it, ya know? Also have no idea what to do to fix it. I have resolved myself to living my life not being too close to anyone.
It is obvious, Claudia, that you need to learn to trust again. We all have had things happen to us where we have lost trust, I know, and it's not easy to go forward again. I have learned to trust my "gut feelings" to protect me. I wonder if writing letters to those who harmed you in the past (but not sending them) would be therapeutic for you. I know that is something therapists often suggest. I have done it myself. It's amazing how much stuff you can get out of your gut. I felt much better. :love0085: Claudia
animallady
04-10-2008, 07:13 AM
No judgment here, animallady. :love0085:
Thank you Cat. I know that's true. The funny thing is that I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, and my shrink made an appointment for me with yet another therapist. She's using a new therapy, on chronic pain patients, with demonstrable success. I can't talk about my anger (rage) with my therapist. She's sweet and caring and wants desperately to help me. I actually feel a need to protect her; she's so young and innocent about the world. I've maintained my self-control by internalizing my anger and pain for so long now I don't know if I can talk about my real issues. But, if I don't I'm going to implode. I need to talk, and I need to cry. A really good cry would help. :1187603408.CR.Mothe I haven't cried in 11 years and rarely before then. I cry on the inside. Cry, rant and scream.
:happy0207: Just wanted to add a comment for the hysterectomy discussion. Best thing I ever did for myself, and I recommend them to everyone who doesn't want to have a baby!:0012: Get free girls!!!
:happy0207: Wishing all a great day. It's thunderstorms for us.
Mysticalmom
04-10-2008, 04:00 PM
Yup I am a proud 12 stepper and I learned my recovery depends upon my honest searching of my beliefs, thinking, feelings and behavior.
I cannot have unhealthy and false beliefs and change my behavior.
Depression for me was buried rage turned inward.
I had to lance the boils and it hurts but makes me well.
Wow Grins I was reading through this thread and when I came upon this I had to read yours twice then I wrote it down to share with my daughter....Such Wisdom!!
I have depression as long as I can remember but never even heard of it until I was an adult then only after I was in treatment for the 1st time as a teen. At my worse stages of depression it took every ounce of my being to get out of bed and get my daughter ready for school and crying like water works for no know reason which was totally out of the ordinary for me I never cried so it was weird.
My daughter who is 15 now is opposite hers cames out in rage she was so very angry...I can tell when she goes off the medicine because she is so different and the anger comes out big time!
I'm so glad I ran across this thread it definately made me feel not so alone :)
Wow Grins I was reading through this thread and when I came upon this I had to read yours twice then I wrote it down to share with my daughter....Such Wisdom!!
I have depression as long as I can remember but never even heard of it until I was an adult then only after I was in treatment for the 1st time as a teen. At my worse stages of depression it took every ounce of my being to get out of bed and get my daughter ready for school and crying like water works for no know reason which was totally out of the ordinary for me I never cried so it was weird.
My daughter who is 15 now is opposite hers cames out in rage she was so very angry...I can tell when she goes off the medicine because she is so different and the anger comes out big time!
I'm so glad I ran across this thread it definately made me feel not so alone :)
So glad to have you.
I thought I had developed some mysterious wasting disease because I had no energy and never wanted to do ANYthing. LOL
Texas53
04-10-2008, 04:52 PM
Hi Everyone!
I haven't been on much lately and hope everyone is doing ok.
Thank you Cat. I know that's true. The funny thing is that I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, and my shrink made an appointment for me with yet another therapist. She's using a new therapy, on chronic pain patients, with demonstrable success. I can't talk about my anger (rage) with my therapist. She's sweet and caring and wants desperately to help me. I actually feel a need to protect her; she's so young and innocent about the world. I've maintained my self-control by internalizing my anger and pain for so long now I don't know if I can talk about my real issues. But, if I don't I'm going to implode. I need to talk, and I need to cry. A really good cry would help. :1187603408.CR.Mothe I haven't cried in 11 years and rarely before then. I cry on the inside. Cry, rant and scream.
:happy0207: Just wanted to add a comment for the hysterectomy discussion. Best thing I ever did for myself, and I recommend them to everyone who doesn't want to have a baby!:0012: Get free girls!!!
:happy0207: Wishing all a great day. It's thunderstorms for us.
You are so nice, AL, but therapists aren't supposed to be protected. I can't imagine not crying in 11 years, it is such a release sometimes. I wish you could let some of that emotion out. :love0085:
Wow Grins I was reading through this thread and when I came upon this I had to read yours twice then I wrote it down to share with my daughter....Such Wisdom!!
I have depression as long as I can remember but never even heard of it until I was an adult then only after I was in treatment for the 1st time as a teen. At my worse stages of depression it took every ounce of my being to get out of bed and get my daughter ready for school and crying like water works for no know reason which was totally out of the ordinary for me I never cried so it was weird.
My daughter who is 15 now is opposite hers cames out in rage she was so very angry...I can tell when she goes off the medicine because she is so different and the anger comes out big time!
I'm so glad I ran across this thread it definately made me feel not so alone :)
Welcome, MysticalMom. :love0085: I was in my 30's before I ever took medicine or had treatment for depression, but I am sure I had it on and off before then. When I was young, people didn't get treatment for depression. I don't think the word was really in most people's vocabulary.
So glad to have you.
I thought I had developed some mysterious wasting disease because I had no energy and never wanted to do ANYthing. LOL
Never thought that, but have wished to die more than once, Pat. :love0085:
Hi Everyone!
I haven't been on much lately and hope everyone is doing ok.
Hi Texas. :love0085: I'm passing out hugs to everyone, because I know we all need them. I have two adorable kittens to hug, so that helps a lot.
Never thought that, but have wished to die more than once, Pat. :love0085:
I wish to die at least once a day. But then I think it over again and keep on keeping on.
Noahs ARK
04-12-2008, 12:35 AM
Hi Texas. :love0085: I'm passing out hugs to everyone, because I know we all need them. I have two adorable kittens to hug, so that helps a lot.
There have been times in my life that my animals have saved me.
To harm myself would be to harm them. Who would care for them? Would they end up in a cage at the shelter? Euthanized? Or worse - adopted out to somebody who would abuse them? :1187603408.CR.Mothe
Tam5115
04-12-2008, 11:18 AM
Oh man peeps! Don't go there, don't talk about ending your lives, please.
As bad as things get for us... it's never as bad as that, ever.
Remember that people love us and depend on us, that their lives are impacted by our lives. There's help out there and all we need to do is ask for it.
Trust me, I think these things too.. but I know it's not the way... together we can triumph over this and come out better for it.
Grins
04-12-2008, 02:19 PM
Hi Texas. :love0085: I'm passing out hugs to everyone, because I know we all need them. I have two adorable kittens to hug, so that helps a lot.Hugs are welcome here Cat!
:love0085: ..and given all around!
Now, starting at the top:
okokokok did I say honesty?
lookee
in the news
85 y/o blind man got a hole in one in Green Valley, Arizona.
I quit. :lex_10:
:s1gyahoo:
Grins
04-12-2008, 02:25 PM
Today I may put myself on Iggy just so I can use this guy
:nonono:
,,,,,,, luv them ere smilies.....
:basic45:
Grins
04-12-2008, 02:29 PM
===back later to comment on all the excellent posts===
they deserve some considerable thought; and I have some ideas to look up...
Hugs are welcome here Cat!
:love0085: ..and given all around!
Now, starting at the top:
okokokok did I say honesty?
lookee
in the news
85 y/o blind man got a hole in one in Green Valley, Arizona.
I quit. :lex_10:
:s1gyahoo:
Don't quit yet, Grins.... what they didn't tell you in that story is that it was at the 19th Hole.
:s1gyahoo:
packy
04-13-2008, 12:13 PM
Oh man peeps! Don't go there, don't talk about ending your lives, please.
As bad as things get for us... it's never as bad as that, ever.
Remember that people love us and depend on us, that their lives are impacted by our lives. There's help out there and all we need to do is ask for it.
Trust me, I think these things too.. but I know it's not the way... together we can triumph over this and come out better for it.
I'm with Tam here. Stay with us as we are here in the same place in the same time. So cool isn't it, how we all come together. Any one of you at one time or another says something or acknowledges someone that can make a difference to someone else more than you could imagine. Gotta love people! We need each other in this world.
I'm with Tam here. Stay with us as we are here in the same place in the same time. So cool isn't it, how we all come together. Any one of you at one time or another says something or acknowledges someone that can make a difference to someone else more than you could imagine. Gotta love people! We need each other in this world.
So true. Some of my friends (physical-friends as opposed to my cyber-friends) can't understand my involvement with message boards. I don't have the heart to tell them that I get love and support here that I can't from them.
I sincerely believe that the boards have saved me this past year.
And I loves ya each and every one. :love0085:
animallady
04-13-2008, 02:22 PM
There have been times in my life that my animals have saved me.
To harm myself would be to harm them. Who would care for them? Would they end up in a cage at the shelter? Euthanized? Or worse - adopted out to somebody who would abuse them? :1187603408.CR.Mothe
My furbabes have saved my life many times too; my inability to leave them "stranded".
Last year my GP changed my antidepressant to Cymbalta and within two weeks I spiraled downward into a serious suicidal ideology. Of course, at the time, I wasn't seeing the situation in this light. The only truth I could see was that I could not continue in my current state and that I did not deserve to live. I started making plans for my demise and the after business. I was mostly concerned about my animals. They must have good, loving homes, and if at all possible be kept together. I stated making phone calls. Two of my friends heard about my activity and paid me a visit. They heard I was telling my contacts that I simply could not care for them properly, but they knew that the only thing that would separate me from my little family would be death. And, bless their hearts, they met at a town between their villages and drove another 100 miles to my house. They forced me to shake myself into a "thinking" mode and evaluate just what had changed in my life within the past two weeks. The answer was Cymbalta. I never took another and within a few days I was OK. Just one example of how my animals have saved my life.
Whew, well, that was long-winded! Sorry.
Grins
04-13-2008, 03:49 PM
My furbabes have saved my life many times too; my inability to leave them "stranded".
Last year my GP changed my antidepressant to Cymbalta and within two weeks I spiraled downward into a serious suicidal ideology. Of course, at the time, I wasn't seeing the situation in this light. The only truth I could see was that I could not continue in my current state and that I did not deserve to live. I started making plans for my demise and the after business. I was mostly concerned about my animals. They must have good, loving homes, and if at all possible be kept together. I stated making phone calls. Two of my friends heard about my activity and paid me a visit. They heard I was telling my contacts that I simply could not care for them properly, but they knew that the only thing that would separate me from my little family would be death. And, bless their hearts, they met at a town between their villages and drove another 100 miles to my house. They forced me to shake myself into a "thinking" mode and evaluate just what had changed in my life within the past two weeks. The answer was Cymbalta. I never took another and within a few days I was OK. Just one example of how my animals have saved my life.
Whew, well, that was long-winded! Sorry.
I am CHEERING!
Bless you and your loving friends and bless all our furbabies.[one of God's greatest gifts.]
Grins
04-13-2008, 03:55 PM
Noah, PatC and all my friends, if you feel you want to die call a friend or relative or doctor. Make a promise as we have haerd here to do so if you have such feelings.
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
I was not thinking clearly when I planned to end it.
Call the hotline too:
Grins
04-13-2008, 03:58 PM
Hi Everyone!
I haven't been on much lately and hope everyone is doing ok.Hi Texas!
Happy to see you; c'mon back yheah?
:howdy:
Southern Pa ya know!
Grins
04-13-2008, 04:19 PM
My experience has been that I need to understand why I think and feel the way I do. I was depressed when things were good!!
Somehow, I always expected doom and abandonment. Never could take a compliment.
Happily I began to learn how my mind works.
Some call it a Window of Beliefs; I see the World and myself through a window which contains all my beliefs, true or false; right or wrong.
I see the World not as it is, but as I am.
__Anais Nin
So, here I have talked about Beliefs>control my Thinking>control myFeelings>>all of which control my Behavior.
Before I can change anything else I must change my Beliefs.
As long as I am influenced by wrong, false or unhealthy Beliefs I remain sick
To prepare for therapy or work on me now, I had help from 2 books.
Healing for Damaged Emotions
by
David Seamands and Beth Funk
and
What Matters Most
by
Hyrum W Smith.
There have been times in my life that my animals have saved me.
To harm myself would be to harm them. Who would care for them? Would they end up in a cage at the shelter? Euthanized? Or worse - adopted out to somebody who would abuse them? :1187603408.CR.Mothe
I agree, Noah; my cats have undoubtably helped to save me and my daughter. They are all so precious to me.
Oh man peeps! Don't go there, don't talk about ending your lives, please.
As bad as things get for us... it's never as bad as that, ever.
Remember that people love us and depend on us, that their lives are impacted by our lives. There's help out there and all we need to do is ask for it.
Trust me, I think these things too.. but I know it's not the way... together we can triumph over this and come out better for it.
Tam, I would never do that (at least in my right mind). I just mean I have felt that depressed in the past. My spiritual belief is we are not to choose to end our lives that way, and I think of all the people it would hurt. I have been at the bottom rung, but never reached for those pills.
I'm with Tam here. Stay with us as we are here in the same place in the same time. So cool isn't it, how we all come together. Any one of you at one time or another says something or acknowledges someone that can make a difference to someone else more than you could imagine. Gotta love people! We need each other in this world.
Oh, gosh, do I ever agree, packy. I tell my husband the internet and my friends here are one of the most important connections in my life. I know there is always someone who cares, even if they never met me and haven't even seen my picture. :love0085: I have the most fun just chatting with my friends here and laughing, but sometimes someone just says something so profound and make me think a lot, too.
So true. Some of my friends (physical-friends as opposed to my cyber-friends) can't understand my involvement with message boards. I don't have the heart to tell them that I get love and support here that I can't from them.
I sincerely believe that the boards have saved me this past year.
And I loves ya each and every one. :love0085:
Right back at you, Pat. :love0085: Ditto.
My furbabes have saved my life many times too; my inability to leave them "stranded".
Last year my GP changed my antidepressant to Cymbalta and within two weeks I spiraled downward into a serious suicidal ideology. Of course, at the time, I wasn't seeing the situation in this light. The only truth I could see was that I could not continue in my current state and that I did not deserve to live. I started making plans for my demise and the after business. I was mostly concerned about my animals. They must have good, loving homes, and if at all possible be kept together. I stated making phone calls. Two of my friends heard about my activity and paid me a visit. They heard I was telling my contacts that I simply could not care for them properly, but they knew that the only thing that would separate me from my little family would be death. And, bless their hearts, they met at a town between their villages and drove another 100 miles to my house. They forced me to shake myself into a "thinking" mode and evaluate just what had changed in my life within the past two weeks. The answer was Cymbalta. I never took another and within a few days I was OK. Just one example of how my animals have saved my life.
Whew, well, that was long-winded! Sorry.
Oh, my, AL. :love0085: I am so glad your friends were there for you. Last year, when my med stopped working, a friend who moved (we only communicate by email now) wrote me a LONG email saying she thought something was wrong just by the tone of my emails. She was right. She urged me to see the doctor. It took me a few days, but I called my PA, and she knew me well enough to say, "Your voice doesn't even sound right; I think it's time to put you on Effexor." So far, that has been working very well for me. I asked her when I saw her last week what if this stopped working, and she said, "Then we will find something else that will." I love her.
Always good to here your take on things, Grins. :love0085: I have read many books, gone to Al-Anon, and my church (Unity Church of Christianity) is a great help to me. Our small church is like a family. They have been helping my husband and I through a crisis (well, we thought it was a huge crisis, but we are in acceptance mode now). Unity is strongly compatible with the 12 Steps. When I was really depressed a few years back, one of my church friends told me, "Depression is a liar." That comes back to me every time I have depressive thoughts. I can change what I think, and I do.
animallady
04-15-2008, 04:53 AM
Oh Cat, you're so right! I am blessed with wonderful friends. And yet, I find it easier, right now, to talk to my virtual friends on the net.
I've considered suicide many times, off and on over the years. But apparently, I have a strong will to live. I have a spiritual problem with suicide also. And after all every time I think I want to leave this plane, I need to "get my affairs in order" first. Lo. By the time I manage to organize the chaos in my life, the demon has disappeared.
My father called me in August of '97, and asked me to help him suicide out of his life. I told him that I couldn't help him. He had recently been told that he needed to be on oxygen all of the time. I don't believe that he ever really forgave me for refusing him. He managed to take care of it himself; in October of that same year and on the evening of his and my step-mothers
15th anniversary.
Apologies for such "cheery chat". I'm "in a mood tonight", aren't I?!!!
OK, I will end with some happy. I have the Gosh Darndest, Cutest Puppy in the Whole Wide World!!! And, Lo, I haven't had a puppy in the household in eight years! McDoogle is his name and he's a Scottish Terrier who came to me from a puppy mill. I'm adoring him, but the Chihuahuas think him "very rude". However, he has finally been accepted by everyone, even the cats albeit reluctantly.
I have an appointment with the Social Security Disability evaluator tomorrow afternoon. If you see this post tomorrow, please keep your fingers crossed for me.
:happy0207:
animallady
04-15-2008, 05:01 AM
I am CHEERING!
Bless you and your loving friends and bless all our furbabies.[one of God's greatest gifts.]
Thank you Grin, for the kind words I've been reading and enjoying your posts here for sometime now. You have a loving and generous spirit.
And, ITA about our furbabes!!! They are a gift from God.
Wishing you, Cat and All a wonderful day!
:happy0207:
Roamer
04-15-2008, 05:20 AM
Best of luck today, AL!
packy
04-15-2008, 05:52 AM
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Animallady.
Good morning to everyone. I wish you all a real nice day.
Oh Cat, you're so right! I am blessed with wonderful friends. And yet, I find it easier, right now, to talk to my virtual friends on the net.
I've considered suicide many times, off and on over the years. But apparently, I have a strong will to live. I have a spiritual problem with suicide also. And after all every time I think I want to leave this plane, I need to "get my affairs in order" first. Lo. By the time I manage to organize the chaos in my life, the demon has disappeared.
My father called me in August of '97, and asked me to help him suicide out of his life. I told him that I couldn't help him. He had recently been told that he needed to be on oxygen all of the time. I don't believe that he ever really forgave me for refusing him. He managed to take care of it himself; in October of that same year and on the evening of his and my step-mothers
15th anniversary.
Apologies for such "cheery chat". I'm "in a mood tonight", aren't I?!!!
OK, I will end with some happy. I have the Gosh Darndest, Cutest Puppy in the Whole Wide World!!! And, Lo, I haven't had a puppy in the household in eight years! McDoogle is his name and he's a Scottish Terrier who came to me from a puppy mill. I'm adoring him, but the Chihuahuas think him "very rude". However, he has finally been accepted by everyone, even the cats albeit reluctantly.
I have an appointment with the Social Security Disability evaluator tomorrow afternoon. If you see this post tomorrow, please keep your fingers crossed for me.
:happy0207:
AL, I think maybe you should be happy for the chaos in your life. I truly think there are things you have to do here before going on to your next life.
I personally think it is unfair of a parent to ask a child to help them do that, as that person would have to carry guilt the rest of their lives. I am glad you didn't do that even though it must have hurt to refuse him.
McDoogle sounds adorable. It always takes some time to incorporate another pet into the family; been there, done that quite a few times. There is nothing like a young animal to make us laugh and bring out our love. The two kittens that were born here are the loves of our life. They got me through the terrible winter we had.
Good luck with SS, and I'm saying a prayer. I hope it's easier to get where you are, Wisconsin is very tough. God bless you and "keep coming back," as we say in Al-Anon. :love0085:
Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Animallady.
Good morning to everyone. I wish you all a real nice day.
Same to you, packy. :love0085:
animallady
04-15-2008, 09:31 AM
Thank you Packy, and a very Good Morning to you!
:mornincoffee:
animallady
04-18-2008, 04:40 PM
Update - SS Evaluation Interview of Tues., 4/15 -
Since all of you were so supportive of me and kind enough to include me in your prayers and positive thoughts, I wanted to update you on "the dreaded meeting". I think it went about as well as that kind of interview can go. The interviewer was very professional and a gentleman. There were a Gazillion questions re dates, diagnoses, education and employment. Of course, my attorney had already given him three large ring-binders full of medical and employment records.
As he was leaving, we shook hands again, and he said "Don't worry. You're going to get your benefits". Forever a "cockeyed optimist" I choose to take that as a good sign; a pin-light at the end of the tunnel. I realized he might include those words in the niceties exchange at the end of every interview. Securing the elusive hearing date is the next challenge. It's been two years plus a few days and still no hearing date. Lo! Overall, I'd say it went well.
Thanks, again, for the support and caring.
:love0085:
((((AnimalLady)))), I'm glad the interview went well. Two years is an awful long time to wait for some resolution. I'm so sorry. My daughter tried for disability, and they wouldn't grant it. Fortunately, she is doing better now and is able to take care of a couple of children during the day (since she couldn't get a job due to her health). Best of luck to you.
KittyMom
04-18-2008, 10:49 PM
So true. Some of my friends (physical-friends as opposed to my cyber-friends) can't understand my involvement with message boards. I don't have the heart to tell them that I get love and support here that I can't from them.
I sincerely believe that the boards have saved me this past year.
And I loves ya each and every one. :love0085:
I find it hard to talk to my rl friends because they seem a bit judgemental. Like they think I'm just whiney and don't have "real" problems. Also, my friends and family are a big part of my problem. I tend to be the one that fixes all their problems. I just have trouble saying no.
packy
04-19-2008, 11:08 AM
Update - SS Evaluation Interview of Tues., 4/15 -
Since all of you were so supportive of me and kind enough to include me in your prayers and positive thoughts, I wanted to update you on "the dreaded meeting". I think it went about as well as that kind of interview can go. The interviewer was very professional and a gentleman. There were a Gazillion questions re dates, diagnoses, education and employment. Of course, my attorney had already given him three large ring-binders full of medical and employment records.
As he was leaving, we shook hands again, and he said "Don't worry. You're going to get your benefits". Forever a "cockeyed optimist" I choose to take that as a good sign; a pin-light at the end of the tunnel. I realized he might include those words in the niceties exchange at the end of every interview. Securing the elusive hearing date is the next challenge. It's been two years plus a few days and still no hearing date. Lo! Overall, I'd say it went well.
Thanks, again, for the support and caring.
:love0085:
That is looking real good, Animallady, my best to you. You've waited too long.
I find it hard to talk to my rl friends because they seem a bit judgemental. Like they think I'm just whiney and don't have "real" problems. Also, my friends and family are a big part of my problem. I tend to be the one that fixes all their problems. I just have trouble saying no.
Learn to make boundaries and say no, and your relationships and life will be much easier, KittyMom. I was like that when I was younger, but not anymore.
Grins
04-20-2008, 10:00 AM
A big part of depression for me was buried anger and rage going way back. I had to get rid of it.
One step is to forgive everyone including myself.
For me and all who suffered tragic and painful hurts and whom the world would expect to hate and rage and seek revenge:
It is important to remember that~
Forgiveness is NOT:
=making light of the crime
=saying it doesn't matter
=saying the criminal deserves it
=saying he has to say he is sorry
=saying I can forget the crimes
=saying I have warm feelings for the criminal or want to have any contact
=saying the criminal deserves forgiveness
=saying I feel like forgiving.
Forgiveness IS:
=deciding to forgive no matter how I feel
=for my spiritual and emotional recovery and release from the bondage of hate
=letting all the rage and frustration go to God and asking for the strength to decide forgive and to pray for the salvation of the criminal
=for the restoration of peace in my heart
=obedience to God's requirement to forgive as he forgave his killers from the cross
I might note that psychiatrists have 'discovered' the healing power of forgiveness in recent books and studies!
I have tried the above in my life, and it works.
{While I was hating my enemy, God showed me how to forgive; among my enemies was I; and my long painful depression lifted and I was and am FREE. I refuse to let the evil-doer keep hurting me and I refuse to keep hurting myself with the poison of unforgiveness.}
Grins
04-20-2008, 10:08 AM
Mayo Clinic
"Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.
But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being..."
[excellent discussion such as=]
"...What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:
* Lower blood pressure
* Stress reduction
* Less hostility
* Better anger management skills
* Lower heart rate
* Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
* Fewer depression symptoms
* Fewer anxiety symptoms
* Reduction in chronic pain
* More friendships
* Healthier relationships
* Greater religious or spiritual well-being
* Improved psychological well-being
"
So it is good for us!
http://mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131
Hi everybody. Justs thought I'd stop by and say hello. Hope everyone is doing well. The early morning fog has burned off and it looks like it's going to be a lovely day down her in the south.
:0012:
KittyMom
04-24-2008, 10:19 AM
Learn to make boundaries and say no, and your relationships and life will be much easier, KittyMom. I was like that when I was younger, but not anymore.
You're telling me exactly the same thing that 2 therapists have told me. I do this to myself. The past few weeks have been tough. Things going on with the family...sometimes I'd like to move to a remote village in Alaska. :serious:
KittyMom
04-24-2008, 10:23 AM
Grins,
You're right on with your posts. My problem comes in having to repeatedly forgive the same people of the same crap. :(
slaphappy
04-25-2008, 04:31 AM
Haven't posted here in a very long time. I've pretty much cut myself off from my friends/family because I don't want them to see me this way. Why does depression feel so shameful?
Tears just seem to flow, followed by sobbing. It's not like I'm a weak person. Raised two children on my own without any child support or government help...just hard work, lots of love, and hard jobs. They truly have been what has kept me alive all these years.
Over the years, most of my suicidal thoughts stemmed from finacial problems. That and the fact that none of the jobs I held carried health insurance. I was on Paxil for about 3 months several years ago, but bills/clothing/food outweighed in importance. (I know, I know I can hear readers saying now ,"Why didn't you just make a difference in your life to get better paying jobs?" - I did the best I could - worked full time and went back for some college courses, took some vo-tec courses. Just made some bad choices on the job market by believing B.S. employers will say at interviews)
My children are grown now (ages 19 & 26). The past is the past. My brain tells me this , but why am I filled with regrets? I think of the times my kids had to take cold baths because our gas was shut off. Times when our vacation jar (loose change thrown into a container) had to be used for car repairs instead of going to the nearest theme park. And I wonder, deep long questions about the amount of time spent at work/school that wasn't spent with my kids.
This latest bout has been a very dark one. Been trying to explain to my boyfriend (he's also a member here, but rarely gets on here at all) how dark of a place it is. He doesn't hear me. And my voice seems to get smaller and smaller. He just says " Go get some medication." My response is that medication won't make the finaces any better, it won't make the bills disappear, it won't make my car pass another inspection, and paying for doctor visits and medication will just add to the money problem.
I know there are people out there with real problems. Life threatening illness, lost loved ones, heartbroken. Maybe that is why my depression makes me feel ashamed. It is invisible.
Sorry this was so rambling, but I'm actually afraid to even go to the store. Afraid someone will innocently ask me "How are doing?" Honest to God, I just start sobbing and have to turn away. Then I get a phone call from my Mom, " so and so saw you. They said you were crying. What's the matter? Is everything ok?" Then the excuses follow..."just heard a sad song on the radio before I ran into them, just that time of the month, Mom." etc. How in the world can you tell the person that gave birth to you and loves you with all their heart that you just don't care if you are alive anymore?
Roamer
04-25-2008, 07:59 AM
If you can afford it, go get that medication, please. No, it won't make anything else go away, but it will make it all managable.
Ask your doctor for generics. Paxil does have one, if it made you feel better the first time, and it won't cost you much at all, and it will make you feel a lot more able to handle your life.
You're telling me exactly the same thing that 2 therapists have told me. I do this to myself. The past few weeks have been tough. Things going on with the family...sometimes I'd like to move to a remote village in Alaska. :serious:
Been there, done that. At one time my therapist told me it was better to stay away from my family for a while, because it wasn't good for me to be with them. I did, because I felt so judged. It has taken years, but I am finally freer to be myself. They don't criticize me (to my face :girl_haha:), and I know they love me even though I'm the black sheep of the family. I used to feel like I got dropped in the wrong family by mistake, but now I know we all are born to the families that will help us work through the challenges we have chosen on this earth. :love0085: KittyMom
:love0085: Slaphappy, I am so sorry. I have dealt with the same stuff most of my life. I can remember when I felt the struggle would never end. I tried to send you a pm, but I see you are not accepting them. If you can possibly get the Paxil, it will help you through these feelings. When I have been in deep depression, nothing seemed good, no problem seemed solveable. It is amazing what a different outlook you can have after a while. This is my personal experience. Have you checked into getting free prescriptions? You may qualify to get your medicine free from the drug company. My PA/nurse used to give me enough free samples to get me through when I couldn't afford my medicine, also. Some clinics will lower your bill if you are having a hard time financially. I know it seems a huge task right now, but I urge you to look into those things. I really do care.
Don't think that your problems aren't BIG enough. Everyone has challenges, but you don't have to weigh who's are most important. It is helpful sometime for me to look around and see what other people are dealing with though--it gives me more strength. I am so glad you reached out to us here. This is a safe place. :1222423:
PS: If you could find a support group (free), I think it might be very helpful. It is so much easier to share with others who have similar problems than family or close friends.
KittyMom
04-25-2008, 09:24 AM
Haven't posted here in a very long time. I've pretty much cut myself off from my friends/family because I don't want them to see me this way. Why does depression feel so shameful?
Tears just seem to flow, followed by sobbing. It's not like I'm a weak person. Raised two children on my own without any child support or government help...just hard work, lots of love, and hard jobs. They truly have been what has kept me alive all these years.
Over the years, most of my suicidal thoughts stemmed from finacial problems. That and the fact that none of the jobs I held carried health insurance. I was on Paxil for about 3 months several years ago, but bills/clothing/food outweighed in importance. (I know, I know I can hear readers saying now ,"Why didn't you just make a difference in your life to get better paying jobs?" - I did the best I could - worked full time and went back for some college courses, took some vo-tec courses. Just made some bad choices on the job market by believing B.S. employers will say at interviews)
My children are grown now (ages 19 & 26). The past is the past. My brain tells me this , but why am I filled with regrets? I think of the times my kids had to take cold baths because our gas was shut off. Times when our vacation jar (loose change thrown into a container) had to be used for car repairs instead of going to the nearest theme park. And I wonder, deep long questions about the amount of time spent at work/school that wasn't spent with my kids.
This latest bout has been a very dark one. Been trying to explain to my boyfriend (he's also a member here, but rarely gets on here at all) how dark of a place it is. He doesn't hear me. And my voice seems to get smaller and smaller. He just says " Go get some medication." My response is that medication won't make the finaces any better, it won't make the bills disappear, it won't make my car pass another inspection, and paying for doctor visits and medication will just add to the money problem.
I know there are people out there with real problems. Life threatening illness, lost loved ones, heartbroken. Maybe that is why my depression makes me feel ashamed. It is invisible.
Sorry this was so rambling, but I'm actually afraid to even go to the store. Afraid someone will innocently ask me "How are doing?" Honest to God, I just start sobbing and have to turn away. Then I get a phone call from my Mom, " so and so saw you. They said you were crying. What's the matter? Is everything ok?" Then the excuses follow..."just heard a sad song on the radio before I ran into them, just that time of the month, Mom." etc. How in the world can you tell the person that gave birth to you and loves you with all their heart that you just don't care if you are alive anymore?
You, my friend, are too hard on yourself. Sounds to me like you have done a wonderful job of making your own way and raising two kids with a great example of perseverance. Give yourself some credit. I'm president of the "Beat Yourself Up Club" so I know what I'm talking about.
:happy0158:
KittyMom
04-25-2008, 09:27 AM
Been there, done that. At one time my therapist told me it was better to stay away from my family for a while, because it wasn't good for me to be with them. I did, because I felt so judged. It has taken years, but I am finally freer to be myself. They don't criticize me (to my face :girl_haha:), and I know they love me even though I'm the black sheep of the family. I used to feel like I got dropped in the wrong family by mistake, but now I know we all are born to the families that will help us work through the challenges we have chosen on this earth. :love0085: KittyMom
Yeah...I got the "limit your interaction" spill. Only problem is parent are control freaks and won't leave me alone. There are days when that remote Alaskan cabin looks so appealing. But it's all alright...I'm just biding my time until I can pick out their nursing home. :girl_haha:
:kidding-01:
Grins
04-25-2008, 10:51 AM
Hi Friends
When I focused on all my faults, real and imagined, depression became worse and I wanted to die. Guilt kills.
Now, I focus on my Thankful List. What is good in my life? I cannot change the past. I can make today happy for me and others.
Help is there for almost every problem. I know. In 1996 I was homeless and on welfare.
Free Meds:
www.needymeds.com
Dental:
Contact county Dental Society for a Donated Dental Service.
Other:
United Way and
blue pages of telephone book.
Yeah...I got the "limit your interaction" spill. Only problem is parent are control freaks and won't leave me alone. There are days when that remote Alaskan cabin looks so appealing. But it's all alright...I'm just biding my time until I can pick out their nursing home. :girl_haha:
:kidding-01:
Hmmm, my dad is a bit controlling, but he usually went through Mom. Now, Mom has Alzheimer's and she hardly talks at all, except to say, "I love you." I wish she didn't have this disease, and I always have loved her so much, but it was hard in the past when she passed on Dad's opinions. Now the family just lets me alone and sends me novena and mass cards for holidays (their way of caring and making sure I get to Heaven).
Hi Friends
When I focused on all my faults, real and imagined, depression became worse and I wanted to die. Guilt kills.
Now, I focus on my Thankful List. What is good in my life? I cannot change the past. I can make today happy for me and others.
Help is there for almost every problem. I know. In 1996 I was homeless and on welfare.
Free Meds:
www.needymeds.com
Dental:
Contact county Dental Society for a Donated Dental Service.
Other:
United Way and
blue pages of telephone book.
You are so right, Grins. Boy, you have been through some bad times. I hope it is good for you now. I always read your posts here (just so you know), even if I don't comment. I hope our newest member comes back and avails herself of good resources and our friendship and support.
Bayou Lass
04-25-2008, 12:10 PM
Slaphappy - my son is bi-polar and I can sympathize with your situation. He was sick for years and I didn't really know how sick he was until he threatened to commit suicide. In my state we have mental health facilities that are funded by the state and that's where I took my son when he finally realized that he needed help (he did not have any health insurance). My situation is similar to yours as I raised 2 sons by myself and I know how depressing it is to have to juggle bills - rob Peter to pay Paul. Would you please check out what services your state offers for the mentally ill? My son can't work because of this illness and I am his 'caretaker'. Therefore he gets his meds and therapy free provided that he is disabled. Please take care of yourself and believe me - you can get better if you believe in yourself!!! Now, here I am giving you advice so let me share this with you. I have anxiety attacks bad. Several years ago I started developing this phobia of going over bridges. This is true! I could not drive over bridges whether they were large or small, tall or short. I was totally land-locked (I live by Red River and the only way to get anywhere is to cross a bridge - north, south, east or west). and until I realized that I had to do something. I went to my doctor and she put me on Zoloft for my anxiety. It works, but even now when I have to drive over a bridge, it takes my breath away but I forge forward - usually with the window rolled down and singing along with the radio or CD to take my mind off driving over that darn bridge, but I am not land-locked anymore. So I know that you can get better, if I can cross over a bridge, you can soon become whole, mentally and physically. Believe in yourself girlfriend!!!
Roamer
04-25-2008, 01:16 PM
I've had a fear of bridges all my life. Not as bad as yours, but when I was younger I'd hide my eyes, and now, if I have to drive over one, I keep my eyes straight ahead and never look to the sides, put a death grip on the wheel, then let out a big sigh of relief when I get to the other side. :)
When I used to visit my parents in Texas, there was/is one real long one that I had to cross in Louisiana. That was the worse part of my trip every time.
Bayou Lass
04-25-2008, 02:54 PM
I've had a fear of bridges all my life. Not as bad as yours, but when I was younger I'd hide my eyes, and now, if I have to drive over one, I keep my eyes straight ahead and never look to the sides, put a death grip on the wheel, then let out a big sigh of relief when I get to the other side. :)
When I used to visit my parents in Texas, there was/is one real long one that I had to cross in Louisiana. That was the worse part of my trip every time.
I can relate to the death grip and keeping the eyes straight ahead, not ever, ever looking to the sides. I'm telling you this phobia even runs into an on/off ramp on the interstate if they are really loopy - get my drift? I am not 100% cured of this but I can move about a little more than before. I have limited my access to larger cities (Shreveport, Natchitoches, Bossier City) by traveling to an from with an easier access such as lower bridges, etc. Wonder what in the world causes this? I had never had a problem before this happening several years ago. BTW - Was the bridge over Lake Ponchatrain just out of New Orleans?:s1gyahoo:
Roamer
04-25-2008, 03:17 PM
I never went right through New Orleans, but I took I-59 to I-10, if that tells you anything.
Bayou Lass
04-25-2008, 04:06 PM
I never went right through New Orleans, but I took I-59 to I-10, if that tells you anything.
Yep it does. Lake Ponchartrain Causeway is 28.7 miles long and it is part of the I-10 corridor through that part of Louisiana. It does by-pass New Orleans and continues on through to Texas. Although it is not a high bridge, it does give me the creeps crossing that thing. Talk about paranoia!:shock:
slaphappy
04-25-2008, 05:53 PM
Roamer, Kittymom, Cat, Grins, Bayou Lass,:happy0207:
Thank you all so much. I know you won't truly believe me, but most of the time I am (for lack of a better word) 'normal'. Maybe I am bi-polar, like Bayou Lass' son...I dunno. I can usually keep an even keel going naturally, but boy, when I'm dark, it goes very deep and seems to last a long long time. This one has been going on for about a half a year now.
And Grins, I'm so gald things have turned around for you. You sound like a beautiful soul (as well as the others I mentioned above)
It is strange though, this time it just feels different. I'm afraid this won't make any sense to you...but it's as if I need something to believe in and to lean on for once, instead of just always carrying the burden alone.
this will sound awful to some, but it is a feeling of despair. I just want to know that there is something to believe in again. I've just lost faith in everything. Before when I would go this dark, there was always something to grab ahold of (usually my own boot straps - ALRIGHT NOW GIRL! GET UP AND AT IT!! THINGS NEED DONE! LIFE NEEDS LIVED!! )
Things in the home life haven't been good at all - maybe that is the difference this time. This time it isn't just finacial.
Cat, you are wonderful for starting this thread.
I didn't want to darken anyones doorstep, but, thank you for being there. And for posting the links for the free meds and stuff. I will bookmark it and check ino it.
Good luck to all you beautiful ladies. And thank You. Sometimes my voice gets louder again.
Roamer
04-25-2008, 05:59 PM
Slaphappy, we can't fix you, but we can and will support you here.
Vent, cry, laugh.... it's all here, and we're happy to share.
Our friend Grins will make you smile every time you read his posts. He's been to hell and back, and is glad to share his experiences with us.
Slaphappy, we can't fix you, but we can and will support you here.
Vent, cry, laugh.... it's all here, and we're happy to share.
Our friend Grins will make you smile every time you read his posts. He's been to hell and back, and is glad to share his experiences with us.
Well said, Roamer. "...we can't fix you, but we can and will support you here."
It's what we do here and it has meant so much to so many.
:1222423: to us all.
NJ_Nurse
04-25-2008, 07:44 PM
thank you all for your replys. I wasn't really expecting any when I signed on today. I got some really good advice from some of you. I read every word. one person asked why I was arrested? well, I tried committing suicide and my husband found me the next day at 10:00 AM, I took a bottle of seroquel and some xanax with pain killers the night before with a pint of whisky. and fell asleep on the couch downstairs with the tv on. so these pills had time to disolve in my system for over 11 hours. my husband tried calling me from work and I didn't answer. so he came home and found me barely breathing. He called 911 and an ambulance came and took me to the hospital. where I stayed over a week. The seroquel swelled my legs up real bad. I couldn't feel them or walk on them. I had to have a person in the room with me 24 hrs at all times. when I was ready to check out, the cops show up and arrest me, handcuff me, put me in the squad car and drove me to the mental ward. that was more like a jail. there was nothing anyone could do about it. I was under arrest. I had to go to court and plead for my sanity which I lost. thus, the 3 months plus more if I hadn't complained about my shrink I was appointed. all he wanted to talk about was my sex life. finally I made a complaint at the front desk. the next day I was released. they couldn't get me out of there fast enough. I got my stuff and waited outside the place for a taxi. I was put on probation for 3 years. if I messed up again, I go up state to the state hospital for 3 years. My probation is over and I've changed my meds for the better. I'm on cymbalta too. and celexa. plus geodon. then for sleep I take ambien, clonapin, xanax,. I take during the day dexadrine spanuals time release. for add. and hyperactivity. which takes my highs away. I suffer from ptsd, bipolar, and disasociation disorder. because of the ptsd I disasociate. that's what my doctors really worry about. because I lose time. days. a month. when something horrible is happening to me, I just go somewhere else in my mind, I can't feel, or see, or care what is happening to me. Just that it get over so I can go back to normal. I remember the offence later. I always remember. but can't deal with it while it is happening. I get triggered sometimes that bring on my disasociation. I'll wake up really depressed and disoriented. I know a lot of you know what I mean. Like I read texas' post about her mother. I can totally understand where she's coming from. I can only imagine the horror she went through. Your supposed to be protected by your parents when your a kid. not abused to death by them. and back in our time, we didn't have social workers who came to your house to see how the kids were being treated. I wished they did back then. we would have been taken away so fast it wouldn't be funny. But mental illness is something serious to think about. I will have to stay on my meds the rest of my life. I can't miss a day. I wish I didn't have to take anything. but I tried once and went totally out of control. so, I then realized I can't ever go off anything. I read everyone posts, I feel for all of you that have depression, bipolar, drinking, or whatever in your past that hurt you so bad that we are still traumatized over them. therapy is good. I been in therapy 20 years. and I still can't control all my emotions. but,I'm trying. thanks to everyone who wrote me back. I appreciate it. I just want to know I'm not the only one rowing alone here. thank you. thank you all...........................
I was so very touched by your words which eminate directly from your heart & soul. You are right: you are not alone. Some of us have even lost an oar from time to time..... The survival instinct can be sooo strong, then seemimgly disappear.
What sometimes works beyond the obvious, can be taking it one day at a time, or one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time, if that is your personal best while living in the moment.
Thank you for helping me to review acceptance and the part it plays in my life. I'm human and I forget sometimes. Thank you for helping me to remember. Warm Regards from a kindred spirit.
Tam5115
04-26-2008, 05:34 AM
Roamer, Kittymom, Cat, Grins, Bayou Lass,:happy0207:
Thank you all so much. I know you won't truly believe me, but most of the time I am (for lack of a better word) 'normal'. Maybe I am bi-polar, like Bayou Lass' son...I dunno. I can usually keep an even keel going naturally, but boy, when I'm dark, it goes very deep and seems to last a long long time. This one has been going on for about a half a year now.
And Grins, I'm so gald things have turned around for you. You sound like a beautiful soul (as well as the others I mentioned above)
It is strange though, this time it just feels different. I'm afraid this won't make any sense to you...but it's as if I need something to believe in and to lean on for once, instead of just always carrying the burden alone.
this will sound awful to some, but it is a feeling of despair. I just want to know that there is something to believe in again. I've just lost faith in everything. Before when I would go this dark, there was always something to grab ahold of (usually my own boot straps - ALRIGHT NOW GIRL! GET UP AND AT IT!! THINGS NEED DONE! LIFE NEEDS LIVED!! )
Things in the home life haven't been good at all - maybe that is the difference this time. This time it isn't just finacial.
Cat, you are wonderful for starting this thread.
I didn't want to darken anyones doorstep, but, thank you for being there. And for posting the links for the free meds and stuff. I will bookmark it and check ino it.
Good luck to all you beautiful ladies. And thank You. Sometimes my voice gets louder again.
I know exactly what you're talking about. I too just want something to believe in.
I guess what I do is that I just look into myself and see that I have love for other people. They may not have love for me... but I can give to people and not expect anything back.
We can not fix you... I agree.. but we can offer each other support and love.
As John said, all we need is love!
Grins
04-29-2008, 07:52 PM
Slaphappy, when God saved my life on 9-23-96 I met him. He is a person and I have him to rely on; talk to; ask for wisdom; he gives the love.
Reading the story and Psalms of David I saw that he had God as his best friend and I could too.
It hit me especially when I read -and heard-David say this about how God knows him and us:
Psalm 139
A psalm of David.
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!...
...
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
_____
If God loves me that much, he welcomes me to know him and rely on him. If he can create me and us and the universe, he can be all I need~
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%20139;&version=51;
Grins
04-29-2008, 08:43 PM
Imagine,
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!...
__I like that; I didn't know that God thinks about me.
Cat, you are wonderful for starting this thread.
I didn't want to darken anyones doorstep, but, thank you for being there. And for posting the links for the free meds and stuff. I will bookmark it and check ino it.
Good luck to all you beautiful ladies. And thank You. Sometimes my voice gets louder again.
Thank you, slaphappy. We are all wonderful in our own ways because we are God's children. I saw that there really wasn't any thread that addressed depression (except the bipolar one, which isn't the case for some of us), so I did what seemed to be necessary.
You are not darkening our doorsteps. Feel free to dump here. :love0085: I sure hope you get some medication soon. I can tell by your posts (from my experiences in the past) that you really need something to boost you up. Good luck, and you are in my prayers.
Grins
04-30-2008, 06:38 PM
Depression for me came from many old unhealthy and false Beliefs which needed to be changed. Relief from depression was drinking alcohol.
Belief>causes>Thinking>causes>Feelings>causes>Behavior
as applied to my life.
Before I began my recovery from alcoholism eleven years ago, I had the following:
Belief=I can control my drinking; after all I have accomplished much in my life. Working hard, I deserve a drink which I also need to relax.
Thinking: Don't tell me not to drink; I am a responsible adult. I just need to cut down or change to wine or beer and I can quit anytime. After all, I am not an alcoholic; they don't work and live under bridges.
Feelings: No wonder I get angry at myself when I get drunk; I hate it and it makes me sick. No more. No more. From now on, I watch. After blacking out last night, I am terrified. All the time now I am afraid; of what I do not know. I need a small drink now to get me over this.
Behavior: I'll have another, then I will get on home.
__These Beliefs had to be changed and I did; the rest followed along.
Congratulations, Grins. You got it. Did I ever tell you my husband has 25 years of sobriety?
One thing: I got desparately depressed in the past, but I never could drink, one or two at the most (3 or 4 and I'd be in bad shape, so I learned to just leave a drink that someone bought me on the bar untouched. I guess that is the difference between someone who has the alcoholic gene and who doesn't. I could EASILY have been an alcoholic if I could drink more, sad but true.
Bayou Lass
05-01-2008, 12:26 PM
Good morning everyone on this fine Thursday (here in northern Louisiana, it's beautiful) that the Lord has given us today. I read back over all the posts and I was again touched by those who are dealing with mental illness - Slaphappy, Grins, Flysoda, Cat and all of the posters who offered prayers, advice and encouragement. My heart has been truly touched by all of you. As you know, my son has a mental illness and I realized that I have not done enough for this devasting illness. I immediately got on the phone with my son's therapist and asked "what can I do to make a difference?" He said that they could always use someone as a 'buddy' to call on in times of despair or just a kind word of encouragement. So I just want you all to know that I am now going to try to make a difference - not just for my son, but for anyone that I can help in anyway. I wish more could be done on a national level to alert people how devasting this illness is. It not only affects the individual but family and friends also. My family (sisters especially) could not and do not comprehend why my almost 40 year old son is incapable of working. They would make snide remarks about him being a 'sponge' because I was taking care of his every need. Needless to say, we do not even talk anymore because of their opinionated ways and it is sad that so many people have tunnel vision when it comes to mental illness. Well, now that I have unburdend myself this morning with my thoughts about this - I can tell you that I have volunteered to be a "Buddy" for the Red River Mental Health Center and my son is over the top with me doing this. He said that people can make a difference if they would give it a try - after all there are relays for cancer, marches for the March of Dimes, and all other different kinds of events that bring all these illnesses and causes to the forefront for awareness. Why not something for mental illness? Could happen, but I don't have any idea where to start. I guess maybe I could talk to the folks at the center and see if perhaps there is some sort of organization for mental health that would inform the public that this is indeed right up there with heart disease, cancer, MS, and all the others. Well, I'm off to lunch and I hope everyone has a very wonderful day! God bless you all.
:love0085: BL, thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry you and your son have to deal with this. I have literally not been able to work in the past due to depression, so I understand that completely.
There is an organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, that I was associated with quite a few years back. They have meetings, put out materials, etc. Look it up on the net. I know they were doing some good work. Blessings to you for volunteering.
Let's face it, mental illness was always kept in the closet. Back when I was a child, my aunt had what they called a "nervous breakdown" then. She was sent to the mental health center (county hospital). She has been on pills and therapy most of her life. It was not talked about much, but I still remember a couple of things.
Roamer
05-01-2008, 03:48 PM
That's wonderful, BL. Thank you for recognizing the need, and doing something about it.
Bayou Lass
05-02-2008, 09:28 AM
:love0085: BL, thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry you and your son have to deal with this. I have literally not been able to work in the past due to depression, so I understand that completely.
There is an organization, National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, that I was associated with quite a few years back. They have meetings, put out materials, etc. Look it up on the net. I know they were doing some good work. Blessings to you for volunteering.
Let's face it, mental illness was always kept in the closet. Back when I was a child, my aunt had what they called a "nervous breakdown" then. She was sent to the mental health center (county hospital). She has been on pills and therapy most of her life. It was not talked about much, but I still remember a couple of things.
Thanks for the information Cat. I will look it up on the net. It really does feel good to know that I might be able to make a difference in someone's life and share what I can about my personal experiences.
Bayou Lass
05-02-2008, 09:30 AM
[QUOTE=Roamer;203496]That's wonderful, BL. Thank you for recognizing the need, and doing something about it.[/QUOTE
I hope that I might be able to share my experience regarding my son and perhaps make a difference in someone else's life. Can't hurt to try, huh?
KittyMom
05-02-2008, 04:14 PM
Interesting read.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/05/02/deep.brain.stim/index.html
[QUOTE=Roamer;203496]That's wonderful, BL. Thank you for recognizing the need, and doing something about it.[/QUOTE
I hope that I might be able to share my experience regarding my son and perhaps make a difference in someone else's life. Can't hurt to try, huh?
It certainly can't hurt. :love0085:
Grins
05-02-2008, 07:03 PM
Thanks for the information Cat. I will look it up on the net. It really does feel good to know that I might be able to make a difference in someone's life and share what I can about my personal experiences.
Hello and Welcome again, Bayou Lass!
:love0085:
You have touched my heart and I am praying for your son and family. After 30 years as a trial lawyer I was unable to work b/c of depression so I know; I know.
For all those misled people who make remarks I say~
:nonono:
:s1gyahoo: luv that iggy guy
Grins
05-03-2008, 05:08 PM
Congratulations, Grins. You got it. Did I ever tell you my husband has 25 years of sobriety?
One thing: I got desparately depressed in the past, but I never could drink, one or two at the most (3 or 4 and I'd be in bad shape, so I learned to just leave a drink that someone bought me on the bar untouched. I guess that is the difference between someone who has the alcoholic gene and who doesn't. I could EASILY have been an alcoholic if I could drink more, sad but true.Hi CAT!
Give DH my congrats on 25 years!!
:howdy:
How did you handle depression? How long did it take?
Hi CAT!
Give DH my congrats on 25 years!!
:howdy:
How did you handle depression? How long did it take?
I will, Grins. Thank you!
I have been on depression meds for quite a few years now (used to be able to just use them during the dark months, but no more). The last time I went off the deep end, my PA changed my med to Effexor and it kicked in almost immediately. The Paxil had just stopped working for me. I asked her "What happens when this one doesn't work anymore?" She said, "Then we'll try something else.
The first major depression I had was after the loss of a loved one. I ended up in the psych ward in the hospital for 10 days. Never have been hospitalized since, but that was the biggest thing in my life ever (among other big things).
My church helps me a lot also; what a wonderful bunch of people, we are like family. I read a lot of spiritual material.
Grins
05-03-2008, 05:35 PM
Well done Cat!
You took action; that is the most important thing. So many just suffer thinking it will go away.
There are many reasons our brain chemicals can get too low to function right.
I have sleep apnea and it causes oxygen levels to drop in sleep and as they do, brain is starved of what it needs. This created a cycle of depression.
Meds restored balance along with a good therapist.
My One Year Bible gives me fellowship with God and wisdom.
Grins, my husband (Ken) says, "Thank you!" for congratulating him on his 25 years of sobriety.
You know, if it wasn't for the wonderful grief counselor, Kathy, that I had at that time I would never have checked into the hospital. Her brother was an administrator at the hospital, and he helped make arrangements. I did check with another dear friend, asking her what she thought about it. She told me if she had any control over the situation, she would tell me to check into the hospital immediately. I trusted her, so I did. I have never been sorry, and I've never been hospitalized again. I also had a wonderful doctor, Divine Order indeed. :love0085:
and make you think. I have had this for years, and I love it, so I thought I would share.
A Prayer
Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it at all--but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end. Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details--give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for improved memory, but a growing humility and a lessening of c*o*c*k-sureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint--some of them are so hard to live with--but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people. Give me the grace to tell them so. Amen.
--Author Unknown
LOL, I didn't know you couldn't type c*ck here. I learn something new all the time.
Grins
05-05-2008, 06:49 PM
and make you think. I have had this for years, and I love it, so I thought I would share.
A Prayer
Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody; helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it at all--but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end. Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details--give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and love of rehearing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for improved memory, but a growing humility and a lessening of c*o*c*k-sureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken. Keep me reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint--some of them are so hard to live with--but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people. Give me the grace to tell them so. Amen.
--Author Unknown
LOL, I didn't know you couldn't type c*ck here. I learn something new all the time.:s1gyahoo: Yup, best to be safe & sure!
How good that prayer is Cat. Immediately I spotted some of my defects of character:
"Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody's affairs,"
ouch ouch~
..but but I meant well.....
__newp=zip it
:shock:
I used to give God my advice :duh:
ok if I copy it and spread it around?
Every element is excellent in examining my conscience; honestly...
Grins
05-09-2008, 04:46 PM
Missing Wonder
How lovely is the day so fair
warm warm my heart is there
something missing?
any moment of silence quiet
noise from alarm mornings to
radio in shower earphones to work
blather there for sure noise ears
dying for a rest spirit upset no
wonder
give me one moment of quiet
looking inward to my soul trying
lest I miss the message of life
stop a while and be with me
let me hold you and whisper wisdom
my God is lonely for me I need him no
wonder
my life is chaos I listen to it all day
stop I say cell phone away let me enjoy
my inner self needs love from
let me give to
my God of
Wonder...
Love, Grins
:s1gyahoo: Yup, best to be safe & sure!
How good that prayer is Cat. Immediately I spotted some of my defects of character:
"Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to try to straighten out everybody's affairs,"
ouch ouch~
..but but I meant well.....
__newp=zip it
:shock:
I used to give God my advice :duh:
ok if I copy it and spread it around?
Every element is excellent in examining my conscience; honestly...
As far as I am concerned, you can copy it anywhere and everywhere. I don't even know where I found it. I have had it for quite a few years.
Yes, it is excellent. I used to read it often, because I was a person who loved to give advice. I have learned (except not always with daughter) to wait until someone asks me for advice. I still share experiences and things that have helped me though. It's amazing how much smarter we get as we grow older, isn't it?
It is interesting that you mentioned defects of character, because I shared this at an Al-Anon meeting years ago. I saw many smiles and head nods. Let's face it, we are human. Actually, we are spirit having a human experience.
Have a great weekend.
I'm feeling really sad tonight. My sister, Nancy, who has bipolar illness overdosed on her meds last night. Her husband got her through it without taking her to the hospital, because he was afraid they would put her in the county hospital again. She looked awful today. She was gray in the face. It is scary. I was just shocked. I asked her when I saw her what was wrong, and she told me what she did. I asked her why, and she couldn't give me an answer. I am praying for her, have her on a 24/7 prayer list as of a few minutes ago, and ask for your prayers. Thank you, friends.
KittyMom
05-11-2008, 11:42 PM
I'm feeling really sad tonight. My sister, Nancy, who has bipolar illness overdosed last night. Her husband got her through it without taking her to the hospital, but she looked awful today. She was gray in the face. It is scary. I asked her when I saw her what was wrong, and she told me what she did. I asked her why, and she couldn't give me an answer. I am praying for her, have her on a 24/7 prayer list as of a few minutes ago, and ask for your prayers. Thank you, friends.
(((hugs))) I'll be praying for Nancy and her hubby.
(((hugs))) I'll be praying for Nancy and her hubby.
Thanks, Kitty. Her husband is Steve.
Claudia
05-12-2008, 08:06 AM
Aw, cat - So sorry. It's so hard watching someone you love suffer so much. I'll send my prayers to Nancy & Steve & of course, you. :1222423:
Roamer
05-12-2008, 08:27 AM
Prayers and best wishes for Nancy and Steve, and for you, Cat, the sister who cares so much. :1222423:
Claudia and Roamer :love0085::love0085: You are so kind. I told Nancy if I lived closer to her I'd have her out doing things and she would feel better. She only lives about a half hour away, but my car is old and decrepit so I try not to take it out on the highway. I don't know if I will get a different car or not with gas prices (which is another thing that makes it hard). We are on a more or less fixed income. Nancy doesn't drive anymore much (she shouldn't), so she can't come here. It is a huge problem. I feel helpless, and I know when you feel that way there's only God.
KittyMom
05-12-2008, 12:11 PM
Claudia and Roamer :love0085::love0085: You are so kind. I told Nancy if I lived closer to her I'd have her out doing things and she would feel better. She only lives about a half hour away, but my car is old and decrepit so I try not to take it out on the highway. I don't know if I will get a different car or not with gas prices (which is another thing that makes it hard). We are on a more or less fixed income. Nancy doesn't drive anymore much (she shouldn't), so she can't come here. It is a huge problem. I feel helpless, and I know when you feel that way there's only God.
cat,
does Nancy have a computer? Live chats are wonderful. Maybe that would be one way to get Nancy "out of the house" so to speak.
Claudia
05-12-2008, 12:38 PM
cat,
does Nancy have a computer? Live chats are wonderful. Maybe that would be one way to get Nancy "out of the house" so to speak.
Good idea, KM!
A web cam & MSN or Yahoo and the two of you can chat & see each other, Cat! It might make her feel better, it can't hurt to try.
Web cams are very affordable now. Not expensive at all if you go to a store like WalMart.
KittyMom and Claudia, I tried YEARS ago to get Nancy into online stuff. I had her emailing for a while, but she doesn't like the big computer. She had (at the time) one of those little telephone computers. She liked that. I could never talk her into getting back into it. I was certainly willing to help. I've tried to get her to go to a support group--no dice. I have told her volunteering some place would be wonderful. She just has a hard time pushing herself to do anything new. I guess it is the disease, because I remember her being kind of a crazy kid. Mental conditions sure do change people. I thank God that I only have depression problems. I have another sister, Mary, who hardly ever leaves the house anymore. She has not been to a family celebration for about two years.
Fortunately, Laurie and Betty do not seem to have any mental difficulties. Another THANK GOD.
Thank you for the suggestions. I really appreciate your caring.
Claudia, I like your new sig line.
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j257/midnightmewse/Smilies/ROFL.gif
Claudia
05-12-2008, 05:21 PM
Claudia, I like your new sig line.
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j257/midnightmewse/Smilies/ROFL.gif
:girl_haha: Thank you!
:girl_haha: Thank you!
You're so happy because you've been drinking that stuff in your avatar, right?
Claudia
05-12-2008, 06:04 PM
You're so happy because you've been drinking that stuff in your avatar, right?
How'd you guess?! :s1gyahoo:
Grins
05-13-2008, 06:12 PM
How'd you guess?! :s1gyahoo:
They say cranberry juice is good for avoidance of urinary dysfunction!!
:71541: =ouch=
ok Mom
:s1gyahoo:
I am a rascal :howdy:
I love cranberry juice, Grins.
I called Nancy's home today, and Steve answered. He said she was sleeping and that she is doing a little better today. So that's all I know right now. Thanks for thoughts and prayers everyone. I certainly appreciate it, and I know Nancy would, too.
Claudia
05-14-2008, 07:20 AM
I love cranberry juice, Grins.
Me too!
...and it is excellent for a UTI. Take it from someone who knows!:rolleye0001:
Claudia
05-14-2008, 07:22 AM
I called Nancy's home today, and Steve answered. He said she was sleeping and that she is doing a little better today. So that's all I know right now. Thanks for thoughts and prayers everyone. I certainly appreciate it, and I know Nancy would, too.
Well, a little better is better than nothing, huh Cat? I hope she continues to get a little better every day. :innocent0001:
Roamer
05-14-2008, 07:37 AM
Happy to hear she's still doing okay, Cat.
And yes, Grins, you are a rascal. :) But a very nice one.
Well, a little better is better than nothing, huh Cat? I hope she continues to get a little better every day. :innocent0001:
Yes, Claudia, thank you. Thanks to Roamer, too.
I have to keep myself from thinking that the phone call might come some day or night. :innocent0001:
Grins
05-14-2008, 02:48 PM
Prayers continue~~
=thanks Roamer my friend :love0085:
"A merry heart does good, like medicine."
Me too!
...and it is excellent for a UTI. Take it from someone who knows!:rolleye0001:
Gee.... my cranberry juice is a darker red that what's in your avatar. Hmmmmmm http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g258/PatC_pics/smilies/thinking3.gif
Yes, Claudia, thank you. Thanks to Roamer, too.
I have to keep myself from thinking that the phone call might come some day or night. :innocent0001:
Try to concentrate on the positive things, Cat. I'm sending positive thoughts to Nancy AND you. :1222423:
Claudia
05-14-2008, 04:02 PM
Gee.... my cranberry juice is a darker red that what's in your avatar. Hmmmmmm http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g258/PatC_pics/smilies/thinking3.gif
Hmmmm....yeah, mine looks a bit diluted...
ya think mine might have a lil vodka in it or something?! :shock:
animallady
05-14-2008, 05:21 PM
I mix my cranberry juice with Crystal Light; equal parts.
:zm10:
Grins
05-14-2008, 05:48 PM
Suicide and the Afterlife
Been thinking about this sensitive subject and what some people say about it.
My God teaches me not to judge others and that includes where they go after death. Only God knows that. It is cruel for any person to speak for God on such a matter.
My church teaches the same and recognizes the mental condition of a person as key to responsibility in moral matters.
When I went into the hotel room to commit suicide I was suffering from a mental illness which I see clearly now. Back then I did not. Depression causes the mind to be deceived and tends to deepen in cycles until you see only death as relief for your pain. My death would have been the fault of no one. Even me.
To all who have lost a loved one by suicide I hope you will consider these things and know that, for me, no one could have prevented my suicide.
It would have added to my pain to know that my family and friends may have needlessly suffered 'what ifs' for years.
Leave spiritual matters to God.
Matthew 7 (New Living Translation)
Do Not Judge Others
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.
3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?
5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
Do not judge lest you be judged."
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207;&version=51;
Pat C and Grins and anyone who reads here and sends good thoughts Nancy's way, I appreciate you.
Grins, I know that suicides are accepted by God just as we all are. I don't believe anyone who was not mentally sick would kill themselves.
animallady
05-14-2008, 09:37 PM
Cat, I've been following this thread tho I haven't posted. I'm so sad for Nancy and sorry for your worry. She must have had a moment of hopelessness. It takes only a moment. Is she seeing a psychiatrist or therapist since the overdose. Please forgive me for intruding. I know that you must be living on eggshells.
I just came over here from my health board. I just went in to check my messages and I had one from a young lady, 14 years old. She ask me to read her journal entry for today which I did immediately. She's written a beautiful poem about her pain, but I believe it is a cry for help; that she is contemplating taking her own life. It is a heavy feeling I took away with me.
Suz
Hi Suz, you are not intruding at all. That is what this thread is for, for us all to share and help each other. Nancy had a psychiatrist she liked for quite a while now, but she said he wanted her to see someone else. I'm not sure what it is all about. Sometimes she doesn't give details clearly.
As for the 14 yr old, I guess all we can do is pray that she doesn't do it. My daughter had a friend who committed suicide when she was in school. It was awful for her. I took her to a therapist immediately. That was before they had counselors on hand for these terrible events at school.
You are a sweet person, Suz. Thank you for caring about us. :love0085:
Bayou Lass
05-15-2008, 12:36 PM
Hi Suz, you are not intruding at all. That is what this thread is for, for us all to share and help each other. Nancy had a psychiatrist she liked for quite a while now, but she said he wanted her to see someone else. I'm not sure what it is all about. Sometimes she doesn't give details clearly.
As for the 14 yr old, I guess all we can do is pray that she doesn't do it. My daughter had a friend who committed suicide when she was in school. It was awful for her. I took her to a therapist immediately. That was before they had counselors on hand for these terrible events at school.
You are a sweet person, Suz. Thank you for caring about us. :love0085:
Cat, I have not posted in a while and want to send my love and prayers for Nancy and Steve, and you too of course. I don't have to tell you how hard it is when a loved one is bi-polar. I am so blessed that my son has the outlet that he does with the Louisiana Mental Heath Clinic. His therapist is really good with him and my son can and does tell him everything that is going on with him and he can talk to him with honesty and willingly. We do have our moments with him, but on the whole he does okay if there's nothing unsettling or out of the ordinary to set him off. He is obsessive/compulsive and somethings he is so quirky about drives me absolutely bananas. He is a cleaning maniac, dusts everything, everyday, sweeps the floors about every hour, runs a damp mop over the floors about the same and don't dare re-arrange anything in the house! For all of this I am thankful that I have my work and am not there 24-7. The weekends are bad enough. But, gosh i love that boy!!!! I havew gotten him interested in gardening and we both have an outlet there. I have raised vegetable garden beds and we spend a lot of time tending the veggies, herbs and flowers. I wish that Nancy could find something like that, it is so therapudic, at least for my son it is. Do you all remember when I volunteered as a mentor at the clinic? I have a young lady that the doctor gave my number to and she and I have had lunch several times now and she calls me when she is feeling low. I just listen to her, laugh with her and assure her that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might take a while to see it, but it's there if you want to see it bad enough. I haven't asked my son to join us, but I have told her about his problems and she said that she would like for him to come to lunch with us one day. It's just so sad that there are these in need and sometimes there is no way for them to get the help they need. My prayers and thoughts to all who are suffering with loved ones who have this mental illness.
Nancy was taken to the county mental health center year before last, and it was just terrible for her. Her doctor was gone at the time, so that's how she ended up there instead of her regular hospital. They not only did not help her, I think they made it worse. I was not impressed with the staff AT ALL. Then, they didn't want to let her out, and to make matters worse, sent a big bill to Steve. It was thousands of dollars for no help. I was so angry.
Last year, she was in the regular hospital twice (I think). I just don't know how to hope anymore sometimes.
I am glad your son is doing well, and I am happy for you. Gardening is very therapeutic. My husband has lots and lots of flowers. I have tried to get Nancy interested in a number of things. I've suggested planting flowers, I've suggeted a self-help group, and that she take walks with her dog. Nothing seems to interest her at all. It's very hard. If I lived in the same city, I could perhaps get her moving, but I don't and with gas prices (and an old car), I can't readily spend time with her. Husband doesn't really understand, although I know he loves her. Kids are kind of useless. Nancy is going to have twin grandchildren this year, and even that doesn't seem to interest her.
:1187603408.CR.Mothe
Spilling everything out here. Thanks for listening. :love0085:
I think it is wonderful that you are mentoring that young girl. When I worked at Humana Insurance, I had a young girl who latched on to me (she was bulimic) and used to come and sit and talk with me. I listened and tried to help. Luckily, I worked for a doctor at the time, so although he kind of looked at us like "What is going on?" he never asked.
animallady
05-15-2008, 10:33 PM
Hi Cat,
Thank you for the kind words. The 14-year-old sent a message to me about an hour after I posted about her. She said that she was OK. She also said that she wants to "talk about things" but just can't yet; that she wants my advice. Lo! I am so unqualified to advise her. She is diagnosed with clinical depression and has been a "cutter". I can offer her an ear and gentle hugs. That is all.
Nancy has has some rotten luck with "health care providers". I think that it is so important that the patient be with a doc/therapist with whom she has a simpatico. And what a horrific experience in the state facility!!! I don't know how it works in Wisconsin, but I'm surprised that they were able to keep her there against her will. They cannot do that in Arkansas unless the patient is there pursuant to a criminal court order.
In my last employment I did the state civil commitments for mental illness and substance addiction. If following the hearing I was fortunate enough to get an order for commitment from the judge, the patient was usually out in a few days; not enough time for dip-chocolate. The hospitalization does not cost the patient or her family anything. In every case the respondent (patient) is provided an attorney at no cost.
There isn't enough money, facilities or health care providers to meet the mental health needs in this country. I'll control myself and say no more!
Just wondering, does Nancy have a computer and internet access!
Cat dear please try not to worry too much. Take care of yourself.
Suz
Suz, she really liked the doc she had for years. I am still not clear why he wanted her to see someone else. I told her to call and say she really needed to see him. He is the one that hospitalized her the last two times.
The reason she was at the county hospital is that she called 911, and the police came and took her there. She did go to court after a while, and the judge decided she must stay yet. They were afraid for something like what she did on Sat., because that is what she called 911 about that time, too.
I guess you missed where I said I tried to get Nan interested in the internet years ago, but she tried it for a while (just emails mostly) and she just didn't get into it. I wish she did. It could be a lifeline for her. It has been for me at times. The only thing Nan is interested in is praying. She has become a religious fanatic. They wouldn't even let her have any religious stuff at the hospitals. She's Catholic. She also is extremely good hearted and was giving a lot of money to charities. Steve got really angry at her when she gave $2000 to some charity, and took her check book and credit cards away. She said to me, "so now I'm a pauper." It isn't quite that bad. He does give her cash.
The funny thing is even when she is at her worst, she sometimes comes up with expressions and stories that are really funny. I didn't see any of that on Sunday though. She just looked half dead.
I am praying for her and have her on a prayer list (Silent Unity), so I am just trying to hold good thoughts.
Thanks a lot, Suz. :love0085:
animallady
05-16-2008, 12:04 AM
Oh, cat, I'm so sorry. I did miss the post about the "internet". Since I've become housebound so much of the time, the internet has really been a lifesaver for me.
I'm, taking Nancy, Steve and you into my meditation and prayers.
p.s. Check out my signature. Going to add it on my other board too. Thanks for the suggestion!
Oh, cat, I'm so sorry. I did miss the post about the "internet". Since I've become housebound so much of the time, the internet has really been a lifesaver for me.
I'm, taking Nancy, Steve and you into my meditation and prayers.
p.s. Check out my signature. Going to add it on my other board too. Thanks for the suggestion!
Thanks a lot, Suz. You know I appreciate you. I find myself thinking of Nancy (and others in my family with needs) every hour almost. I guess that is ingrained in us.
You're quite welcome for the suggestion. I picked that up from someone else. Ideas are out there for the taking, and I use them. :love0085:
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j257/midnightmewse/Family/MelissaNancy.jpg
Here is a picture of Nancy, Melissa, her daughter (expecting twins), and grandaughter, Anna. I tried to resize it bigger in Photo Bucket, but PB is giving me lots of problems lately. Someone else on here said that, too. I don't know what is going on.
This was at Melissa's shower about three weeks ago. My daughter said Nancy seemed to be doing pretty well that day.
Thanks a lot, Suz. You know I appreciate you. I find myself thinking of Nancy (and others in my family with needs) every hour almost. I guess that is ingrained in us.
You're quite welcome for the suggestion. I picked that up from someone else. Ideas are out there for the taking, and I use them. :love0085:
Cat ---{{{BIG HUG}}}
I dropped in to check on Nancy and I'm so sorry the news isn't better. I'm very much afraid Nancy isn't going to get interested in "doing" ANY thing until her medical depression is improved. I've just been assuming she's on medication... I know assuming is always a dangerous thing to do... but if she isn't it sure sounds to me like she should be and if she is, and remains this withdrawn, maybe her meds need to be increased or changed.
I know that for me, I have to be leveled out with Rx before I can bring myself to do much more than sit and stare at the TV.
Thank you, Pat. Yes, she's been on meds for the bipolar condition for years, has had it changed, dosages adjusted, the whole nine yards. Nothing seems to help. Last time she was in the hospital she said she was ready to leave this world. She ODed on her bipolar medicine, took over 20 pills.
:shock: It is amazing she is alive.
bambam
05-17-2008, 09:53 AM
Been there, done that. At one time my therapist told me it was better to stay away from my family for a while, because it wasn't good for me to be with them. I did, because I felt so judged. It has taken years, but I am finally freer to be myself. They don't criticize me (to my face :girl_haha:), and I know they love me even though I'm the black sheep of the family. I used to feel like I got dropped in the wrong family by mistake, but now I know we all are born to the families that will help us work through the challenges we have chosen on this earth. :love0085: KittyMom
{{{{cat}}}} hugs-- from one black sheep to another!! :love0085:
Roamer
05-17-2008, 10:00 AM
You are all awesome! I love the way you support each other on this forum.
:1222423: To each and every one of you who has shared their own pain in order to help others.
Aw, thanks, Roamer. It helps us to share. That is what support groups are all about. We just do it on the web. Even AA has web groups now.
Thanks, Bam. You, too, huh?
bambam
05-17-2008, 03:45 PM
Aw, thanks, Roamer. It helps us to share. That is what support groups are all about. We just do it on the web. Even AA has web groups now.
Thanks, Bam. You, too, huh?
hey you and i need to join: http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x317/themoonhight/LOGO_Black_sheep.jpg
:girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha:
animallady
05-17-2008, 10:12 PM
hey you and i need to join: http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x317/themoonhight/LOGO_Black_sheep.jpg
:girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha: :girl_haha:
May I put in my application. No doubt that I meet the obvious requirement. I am the blacksheep of my family(ies), lo.
:71526:
Sure, Suz. The more, the merrier. Black Sheep of America UNITE. :girl_haha:
animallady
05-18-2008, 02:22 AM
Thanks Pat! I've never been never been much of a joiner, but I think this is the club for me.
When I was a little girl I thought that someone in Heaven had made a mistake and sent my soul to the wrong people; maybe the wrong planet.
I wasn't certain who handled the baby souls, but thought it was probably some of the angels. Lo! But now I do believe that we are where we're supposed to be in order to learn what we need to learn. Some painful lessons, huh?
There has been some discussion about the therapeutic value of "detaching" from certain loved ones. I was an "only child" and my parents competed for me from the time I was a small child. This, their fav competition, continued through their first marriage and intensified after they were divorced when I was ll years old; remained unchanged when they remarried when I was 16; intensifying when they divorced the second time when I was 27. They were not compatible!:duh: Our family physician had me on Librium when I was a senior in high school. Because I was always supposed to choose one over the other/please one instead of the other, neither were ever pleased with me more than five minutes at a time.
By the time the 80s rolled around my mother had moved to Houston where I lived with my husband (the first). With my marriage came another controlling personality thrown into the mix. Lo! The ongoing competition between my parents and my husband reached new heights when my mother moved to Houston. :thud2:
By 1982 I was in psycho-therapy. There came a time when my psychiatrist (Wayne) wanted me to "detach" from my parents. To this end he gave me a homework assignment. I was to stop calling them Mother and Daddy. I was to call them/refer to them by their first names. This was very hard for me but I did make the transition after a couple of weeks. My Parents became Ellen and Walter. My husband loved it. Ellen and Walter were not pleased.:lex_10: Did this psycho-technique work? :67302: Only in theory.
(End of First Psych-Order Effort To Detach)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk so much. My fingers just went Krazy!
bambam
05-18-2008, 09:09 AM
my most recent photo:
http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj192/frostylaw/Animals/black_sheep_blinking_lw.gif
:)
animallady
05-18-2008, 09:40 AM
:67302::67302::67302:
<snipped for space>
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk so much. My fingers just went Krazy!
No need to apologize. I sometimes suffer from diarrhea of the fingers too.
now I do believe that we are where we're supposed to be in order to learn what we need to learn. Some painful lessons, huh?
Suz, I believe exactly the same thing. Thank you for writing it for me. Although I did not have such a challenging childhood as you did, when I hit adulthood it got hard with my family relations. I became a free thinker; they never have been and never will in some areas.
Write all you want. That is what this forum is here for. :love0085:
Happy Sunday!
No need to apologize. I sometimes suffer from diarrhea of the fingers too.
Don't we all? :love0085:
Bam, hilarious. We can always count on you. :love0085:
Grins
05-19-2008, 02:53 PM
Thanks Pat! I've never been never been much of a joiner, but I think this is the club for me.
When I was a little girl I thought that someone in Heaven had made a mistake and sent my soul to the wrong people; maybe the wrong planet.
I wasn't certain who handled the baby souls, but thought it was probably some of the angels. Lo! But now I do believe that we are where we're supposed to be in order to learn what we need to learn. Some painful lessons, huh?
There has been some discussion about the therapeutic value of "detaching" from certain loved ones. I was an "only child" and my parents competed for me from the time I was a small child. This, their fav competition, continued through their first marriage and intensified after they were divorced when I was ll years old; remained unchanged when they remarried when I was 16; intensifying when they divorced the second time when I was 27. They were not compatible!:duh: Our family physician had me on Librium when I was a senior in high school. Because I was always supposed to choose one over the other/please one instead of the other, neither were ever pleased with me more than five minutes at a time.
By the time the 80s rolled around my mother had moved to Houston where I lived with my husband (the first). With my marriage came another controlling personality thrown into the mix. Lo! The ongoing competition between my parents and my husband reached new heights when my mother moved to Houston. :thud2:
By 1982 I was in psycho-therapy. There came a time when my psychiatrist (Wayne) wanted me to "detach" from my parents. To this end he gave me a homework assignment. I was to stop calling them Mother and Daddy. I was to call them/refer to them by their first names. This was very hard for me but I did make the transition after a couple of weeks. My Parents became Ellen and Walter. My husband loved it. Ellen and Walter were not pleased.:lex_10: Did this psycho-technique work? :67302: Only in theory.
(End of First Psych-Order Effort To Detach)
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk so much. My fingers just went Krazy!
Excellent post Animallady!
I am proud of you!!!
You stated it well and know the problem. Took me 59 years to get there.
My help came from a rare therapist who made me write down all my reactions to all my hurts over all the years as far back as I can remember; then sit each person in that empty chair and TELL THEM EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID AND THAT IT HURT LIKE HELL!
..........never thought I could do that......seemed contrived...
then I did it and
I yelled cried carried on as never before
then
the boils had burst and healing started
depression lifted right away and continues to this day
I had to dig it out~~
admit it~look for all the buried rage anger and repressed feelings =lack of trust=frustration=manipulation
no more NO MORE
I was free~
Grins
05-19-2008, 03:02 PM
I am a green sheep.
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